There are really two issues here.

One is the way your daughter will dress at the kindergarten graduation, and whether you might spare her from ridicule related to wearing a boy's suit and tie.

If you let her wear it, you'll likely be able to cope with any related problems. By itself, this is a minor issue.

The more important question is your daughter's relationship with you and identity as a girl. We don't know the specifics, and certainly they're part of your private life and not our business.

If I were in your position, I'd be wondering whether my girl is simply a tomboy or whether she actually wants to be a boy. In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with being a tomboy.

But if my daughter really wanted to be a boy, I'd question whether I was giving her an admirable and loving role model. I'd look at my closeness or lack of closeness to my daughter, and find ways I might give her more support.

I'd be wondering whether I might change her desire to be a boy, not out of discomfort with what anybody else thinks, but because I'd like her to accept her gender and have the most access to positive choices in her life.

It's easy to accept the idea, "I am a girl," because it is simple and true. It is harder to accept the statement, "I am a girl who wants to be a boy," or "I am a woman who wants to be a man," because both of these involve painful contradictions.

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