on yesterday's ride, a phone #

[Mr. Bloom]

Wha..? I have male friends I ride with occasionally that are faster than me and train with faster guys. But I ride fast enough, and they enjoy my company. Occasionally I ride with people slower than I am, both male and female, because I enjoy riding my bike more than I enjoy hammering as fast as I can all the time.

He may be hitting on her, but I don't see why this is obvious. Sometimes people just like each other.

So does Silver...but the "riding relationship" didn't evolve out of a dating conquest...and my guess is that your "riding relationships" didn't either. Silver is fast enough that they refer to her as one of the guys...and I know the married guys that she rides with

[redrhodie]

The best part (and yes, I guess I am bragging about this- I've come a long way, I'm proud of myself) is that a racer type thinks I'm good enough to ride with. I'm not super fast, but I'm no slug, either. I guess I'm at least looking like I belong on a bike.

I'd possibly like to ride with him, but not at the risk to his feelings getting hurt, or my relationship. I love my bf, and we've been together since the dawn of time. The last # I got was carved in stone.

Lots of different opinions as to his intentions. Some see it as an obvious pass, others see it as just a ride, no big deal. It's impossible to know someone's true motives until they tell you.

[TxDoc]

He may be hitting on her, but I don't see why this is obvious. Sometimes people just like each other.

Thanks lph - that is exactly what I was thinking.
We should beware of making assumptions about someone else's intentions - as we all do guess wrong sometimes.
The only way to definitely know what someone else thinks, wants, or expects from us - is to be honest and upfront and just ask them.

[Cataboo]

No, if a boy talks to a girl, he must like her like her! 'cause apparently there's no such thing as a boy only liking a girl. Especially if he pulls her pigtails or punches her or trips her. redrhoodie's got pigtails to pull and he hasn't pulled them yet. I think.

Unless he's gay. And I kinda think a stereotypical gay male best friend biking partner who could help you pick out lycra in the bike shop would be awesome. Except I don't think the stereotypical gay male would like bike grease on his leg or lift a bike onto a bike rack.

Racer guys only like to ride super fast, never need recovery days, and never just wanna go for a leisurely bike ride talking with someone fun.

Sorry, this thread just makes me laugh.

[GLC1968]

He may be hitting on her, but I don't see why this is obvious. Sometimes people just like each other.

Yes! And for pete's sake...do some of you really believe that a guy only helps to put a bike on a rack if he wants to date you? What kind of men are you all hanging out with? I've had plenty of guys do this for me and it sure isn't for thinking that I'm not capable. Some men like to be nice. No alterior motives.

And Mr. Silver - while I do agree that honesty is best, I think you are making a lot of assumptions there. We are making suggestions of things for Red to do precisely because we don't know this guys intentions. Not because we do. I don't think that there is a woman on this forum who would suggest that she go riding with a guy whom she knows is interested in her just *because*.

[Pedal Wench]

Yes! And for pete's sake...do some of you really believe that a guy only helps to put a bike on a rack if he wants to date you? What kind of men are you all hanging out with? I've had plenty of guys do this for me and it sure isn't for thinking that I'm not capable. Some men like to be nice. No alterior motives.

Yikes - and what about the times I help another woman put a bike on a rack What message am I sending?

[ttaylor508]

Yes! And for pete's sake...do some of you really believe that a guy only helps to put a bike on a rack if he wants to date you? What kind of men are you all hanging out with? I've had plenty of guys do this for me and it sure isn't for thinking that I'm not capable. Some men like to be nice. No alterior motives.

++++++1 Well said!!!

[Mr. Bloom]

And Mr. Silver - while I do agree that honesty is best, I think you are making a lot of assumptions there.

You're right...but that's why HER conclusion is absolutely perfect because it doesn't require direct confrontation of uncertain assumptions.

[teigyr]

Just please don't PUNISH the poor guy for asking. Unless you had a ring or a picture of your beau on your T-shirt (or even HAD the beau with you on your arm), it probably took that guy a hefty dose of self-talk to even wring up the nerve to ask in a way that was non-creepy non-confrontational and gave you an easy out.

Give him the same respect; if you feel the need to turn down the ride, do so gracefully and honestly and take the offer as a compliment.

-- gnat! (Of all the things we put men through, I don't see any reason to make it worse on them for lack of mind-reading)

Excellent response I am married to a guy who (before my time) had to go through this stuff. He IS a nice guy but it's so hard when people are guessing ulterior motives and "omg does he like me" and if so, does that mean you can't ride with him?

When I first moved to WA, I used to do a lot of riding by myself. One day, I met up with a guy on a bike trail and as we rode, we talked about how maybe it would be great to get together for rides. We did and it was totally casual. One day I was upset and he asked what was wrong. I had been separated from my spouse (different spouse) and said that we were going through divorce proceedings and it was getting to me. The cycling partner hesitated, then said "I didn't know you were married", hesitated again, then asked if I wanted to go to dinner. I said no thanks. The point of it all was, HE wasn't hitting on me and he had no idea of my marital status. Once it was determined and he might've been hitting on me, I said no thanks and riding resumed as normal. Honesty is a great thing and as long as you are honest with this cycling guy, your BF, and yourself, you have nothing to worry about. You could just tell him (as others have suggested) that you have a bf and it's not like you're flaunting it but you wanted to make sure everything was out in the open.

DH puts peoples bikes on their cars for them and carries their stuff and does all sorts of things. Some guys are just NICE.

[gnat23]

Hah! I just had this image in my head of a guy helping me put my bike up on the rack, while I'm imagining the entirety of the relationship in my head in those few seconds, from cute dating phase to marriage to the fights... by the time the bike is up there, I'd be up to the divorce and all mad at him instead of saying thanks...

-- gnat! (Yells at him: "You'll never get the kids!")

[Ana]

I wish I got numbers I'd consider it a compliment

Let us know what happens!

[malkin]

Invite him on a group ride?

[TxDoc]

Racer guys only like to ride super fast, never need recovery days, and never just wanna go for a leisurely bike ride talking with someone fun.

Well, I grew up with racers, and a few turned pro over the years - never noticed anything like this. Maybe times have changed - or maybe we just tend to use too many stereotypes and make too many assumptions
There are nice people out there.
I help people get bikes out of the car or put them up, regardless of whether they are male or female, single or married. Frankly, I hope that none of them thinks of me that I am offering help only because I'm 'hitting on them'. I see people that look like they could use help - and I offer to help them. I know of many others that do the same - with no hidden intentions.
We are so superficial sometimes. We see a young guy hold the elevator for an elder and we think oh what a nice gesture. If we saw the same young guy hold the elevator for a young pretty woman, we'd probably think he must like her. It's just stereotyping. It's just superficial.
Some people like to help. It's called being a good citizen, and has nothing to do with hitting on people.
Likewise for the rides. Some people like to be social and friendly. I invite people to ride with me all the time, men and women. I do not know whether they are single or married, and frankly I do not care. I ask them to ride because I'd like to go on rides together - it's that simple. A ride is a ride, period.
Life is complicated enough on its own - how about we keep it simple?

[Geonz]

I remember trying to figure out the assorted "Mixed messages" a guy seemed to be sending me on a couple of rides... and then he did something that made me realize he didn't speak "message." Much easier to understand him then!

[lph]

-- gnat! (Yells at him: "You'll never get the kids!")

*snort*