Family... feh

[MM_QFC!]

I agree with the sensitive caring suggestions that you've already received and I'd add a gentle suggestion to consider rewording the: "YOU misunderstood me" emphasis, as it may not ease the situation nor improve the communication.
If you, instead, voiced the responsibility or just acknowledged and apologized for some mixed up communication, such as "I really feel badly about this too, as I don't think that, nor did I mean to have you think that I think it, so I'm very sorry; then, move on to the caring, supportive, loving thoughts and messages that you DO want her to hear and hold onto...just my $.02, as I've been there.
IMHO, it's always better to stay off the "you" emphasis, even if you mean well, as it may well infer blame and prolong the negative; focus on your own contribution to whatever set up the less than desirable situation and move on to more positive, loving communications.

[roadie gal]

Thanks for the replies and the good wishes for my sister. I haven't been able to get through to her yet today.

I was totally floored by her email to me this morning. It came out of nowhere. But after thinking about it a while I came to the same conclusions that you all have said to me. She's hurting and already depressed and needed a cheerleader rather than a rational answer. Even though she knows how I am she asked me some questions that she really didn't want the answer to. I guess I should have known that, but I don't know that I would answer any differently in the future. When I do get to speak to her sometime today I'll put the blame on me and try to get her to talk more about it.

She and I are so different. I forget that, despite how much I love her, we are almost from 2 different planets, and the communication gets garbled as it travels back and forth.

[MM_QFC!]

Yes, I'm sure it was a shock and you've got your own emotions and reaction to manage. Please know, though, that I wasn't suggesting that you flog yourself with blame or dwell on the miscommunication/misunderstanding, etc; IMHO (again), it'll help to move beyond this to what your sister needs from you/what you can give her and enjoy all that you can with and for each other.

[short cut sally]

RG, sorry to hear about your sister. Her emotions must be awhirl and she may have misheard you or took what you said the wrong the wrong way. Please clarify it with her asap. Best wishes for your sister and your relationship with her..

[smilingcat]

Hi Mary,

Thank you. I was flailing on what I wanted to say and you said it exactly. You have a wonderful way of explaining a difficult situation.

smilingcat

[roadie gal]

I finally caught up with her late in the afternoon.

The first thing she did was apologize to me. It was nothing I said, or did. The problem was that, after I left, she started to compare our lives and it got her down. She wasn't angry at me, per se, but she was jealous of my job and my health. So she lashed out. By the time she got off the plane in Florida, she'd had time to think it through and realized that I hadn't done anything and her anger was misplaced.

I let her know I understood, which I really do. Sometimes it just isn't fair and you just get angry, even if the target isn't the cause of the anger. I also told her that I'd never say anything to hurt her. I reinforced how well she's doing - she's travelling, she's taking her art classes, she's still ALIVE.

I'm so happy we worked it out. Thank you all.

[Veronica]

I'm so glad it worked out.

Veronica