Dear So and So

[chatterbox]

Dear students making kissy-face in the bike lane,

I'm sure you've seen the signs in various places throughout campus declaring bike free zones. But perhaps you haven't really noticed that there are pretty much only two routes a bike can take through campus, and that they're clearly marked with little bikes painted on the pavement, not to mention the double-yellow lines. So due to the fact that I must stay on the bike path or risk a ticket for endangering the lives of pedestrians, would you please take your makeout session elsewhere? That goes triple for the young ladies walking four abreast across both directions of the bike lane. Do not look surprised when I continue to ride toward you. Do not look put out when I do not yield. Get. Out. Of. My. Bike lane.

Sincerely,
A cyclist and campus citizen

[cylegoddess]

Dear Dog ownerz, Crazy Cyclist guys

I love dogs too but I do not love you leaving their droppings on the side of the shared path.Do you have any idea how hard it is too remove dog poo from MB cleats?Do you?!! WHY must you ruin a quick sit down with a snack on fresh green grass, with your dogs! CLEAN UP.
I have to stop to remove jumpers, rest,rejuive contacts and such, and its really getting me down, Of course, I could just stop on path, like most of you do even though I have slowed down to a crawl, speaking loudly - hey! sorry cycle coming thru on left, nearly falling over but then...
I couldnt get in a near crash with the hot shot lycra lads, riding at near warp speed, who clearly would like to show me how much it hurts to stack your bike at high speeds.
I know its a fantasy of mine, hot guy cyclists- but not covered in blood AND NOT NOT NOT with my bike broken!

[cylegoddess]

Dear GOvt,

I do appreciate you redoing the cycling paths, but next time can you do me a favour and use something that isnt ROUGHER than the previous surface?
It should be smooth enough that I dont blow a tire, jiggle all water bottles out of cages or fantasize that I am riding the Paris- Roubaix, Ardenen forest leg,please.

[Owlie]

Dear immune system--
That is pollen. It is not a virus, bacterium, parasite or anything else you might want to react to. Believe it or not, it is entirely harmless. So I'd appreciate you toning it down a little. You're making it very difficult to sleep, study, or enjoy the beautiful (for a change) weather.
Go hang out around that cut in my foot. It might need that.

[cylegoddess]

Dear Weather,

I was off for three days and you decided that freezing cold and rain was on, I wouldnt mind but the hurricane force winds made it so I couldnt ride.
Now Ive stayed home with a cold and its warm, sunny and calm?
I hate you!!

[Grits]

I appreciate that you eliminate much spam from appearing on forums I go to, but, aren't you trying a little too hard? It took me 3 tries to get the string of numbers, characters, symbols, whatever it amuses you to put up there, right.
Honestly. But, maybe it's just me.

[OakLeaf]

Dear Lori,

It's not just you. I hate those things.

[Owlie]

I hate those things too, especially the ones that you can barely read to begin with.

[cylegoddess]

Dear Flu bug,
thanks to you: I have missed all rides for a week, have missed four days ( and counting) of work( with god knows how much to catch up to), and have had my lovely trip to Sydney ,to see a wedding ruined. I dont appreciate that you decided to make me start to throw up on a bus. Chemical toilets are not fun.Nor are public places. It was really hard to carry my bags too. I could have done without the ten hours of eye blurring nausea.
Now Im not allowed to ride for another week. I hate you, flu. Not to mention, people are going to start to think I am too thin and worry.
Oh and when you leave, please take the constipation with you. thanks.

But thanks, Universe for all the nice people I saw. The darling baby, the charming little girl and the two sweet , melancholy puppies( oh! so sad babies!) really made my day.

[Selkie]

To whom it may concern

Please make this wretched weather front and its associated lows move off the coast and take the rain with it. We need sun. Everyone is getting surly.

[Lise]

Dear students making kissy-face in the bike lane,

I'm sure you've seen the signs in various places throughout campus declaring bike free zones. But perhaps you haven't really noticed that there are pretty much only two routes a bike can take through campus, and that they're clearly marked with little bikes painted on the pavement, not to mention the double-yellow lines. So due to the fact that I must stay on the bike path or risk a ticket for endangering the lives of pedestrians, would you please take your makeout session elsewhere? That goes triple for the young ladies walking four abreast across both directions of the bike lane. Do not look surprised when I continue to ride toward you. Do not look put out when I do not yield. Get. Out. Of. My. Bike lane.

Sincerely,
A cyclist and campus citizen

Oh, man. Nothing raises my near-homicidal ire like people f'ing around in the bike lane! I had a whole rant on TE once titled "Lexus in the Bike Lane". Get the F out of the bike lane! I've been reminded that pedestrians have the right of way, etc, but c'mon people. A sticker on my Larkspur reads, "I AM TRAFFIC". If people just wander into the path of cars, they're called "crazy people". OK, rant off!

[Blueberry]

Dear soon-to-be-married couple:

It's REALLY tacky to put on your wedding website (which is the only way one finds out the details from your emailed invite) that one should make sure to include a gift receipt if choosing to give you a present.

I'm also still scratching my head as to why you're getting married in my town - when you feel it necessary to say on said website that, for one's safety, one should not go outside after dark.

Signed,

A confused and annoyed wedding guest who will now be buying a much smaller present

[Selkie]

When one door shuts, another better one opens - please let it be so.

[maillotpois]

Dear cough - Go away.

[OakLeaf]

Dear voters who voted down the school levy for, I don't even remember, the sixth or seventh time in a row: WTF. Common sense and the ability to think critically are not finite resources. Denying them to children will not bring you any closer to having them.