Quote Originally Posted by bikerz View Post
...My only quibble with the essay was calling it "not rape". I understand the literary device, but calling this "not-anything" reduces its impact.

What that essay made so clear was along the entire spectrum of violence by men against women and girls, from sexual assault and molestation to "clear-cut" violent gang rape, the victim is considered if not at fault, then at least in some way complicit: "she smoked pot, her grades weren't good, she was in the wrong part of town, she hung out with older boys, look at the way she dressed, the way she acted, the way she said no when she meant yes" etc. ad nauseum
Yeah! And this is not just a wimpy literary device. It's also a legal reality, I think even to this day although the laws have in many places been changed. Back when I was kidnapped and attempted raped, 42 years ago, the guy made it very clear to me what would happen if I reported it: I would have to appear in court in the clothes I'd been wearing (miniskirt, Mexican blouse, sandals, long hippy hair). I would be questioned about all my sexual experiences (at that point I was still a virgin, but even "making out" would be portrayed as a sign of loose morals). And he would get off scot free. He was sure of it because he'd gotten off before. HIS prior experiences (including a rape accusation that had gone to trial!) would NOT be admissible since it was a juvenile case and the records were sealed. I believed him. I managed to "forget" most of the event until 25 years later when I had nightmares and finally decided I needed to let one run its course so I could remember how I'd managed to get loose. That worked. So yes I agree that:

Quote Originally Posted by bikerz View Post
... the real problem is that she was (we are) female in a world that objectifies women, sexualizes little girls, and glorifies male violence and domination.

The only way I can see that this can change is by demanding of the men and boys in our lives that they treat the women and girls in their lives as human beings with agency over their own lives and bodies. And in the meantime, because that kind of change (revolution?) takes time, as the essay's author says, we have to protect and support the women and girls in our lives.

SadieKate, thanks for posting this essay.