Tyler Hamilton positive again

[smurfalicious]

*sigh* I think it's going to take me a few days of being bummed out about this. I've always been a big fan of the dark horses. And riding the tour with a broken collar bone? Man, that makes him as tough as the bull riders I know who would do brilliant things like driving all over the state to buck out at 3 rodeos in a weekend with a broken arm.

When he was leading in the ToC I put it on one of the registers at the store because I was so wound up. I was jumping up and down squealing like a 12 year old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert. My manager said I looked like I was about to have a big O.

There are some really dark places inside depression and I've been in all of them, it sucks. I took the prescription crap, they're awful. They made me feel absolutely dead inside and like I had only one emotion and that was, "meh." My dog could have died and I would have been like, whatever.

So you do what you can. If you can get yourself out of bed to do the things that you enjoy, sometimes it helps. Other times you're just sleep walking through them. There were times that my best friend drug me out to photograph at the skateboard park and I was my smiling and laughing by the end. Then there were times I went out and rode my horse, had a grand old time, and the minute I started driving home I just wanted out of my own head because it was a scary, dark, lonely place to be.

Instead of those awful pills that made me feel dull and delightfully made me gain weight (just what someone with depression needs, feeling fat) I take 5-HTP and a B-complex. B deficiencies will contribute to depression, and 5-HTP is a precursor to seritonin production. All told it works much better than my old homeopathic remedy of cutting and burning myself. And yeah I did that on those wonderful pills they advertise with happy people on shiny magazine pages.

I guess it's easy to see him as the boy who cried wolf, but if it's as dark in his head as it gets in mine I can totally understand doing whatever works. There are some sketchy things out there marketed as homeopathic treatments but he's much too pretty to use my old method. And selfless girl that I am, I'm totally willing to provide him with free hugs.

And lastly, I really hope this doesn't mean he's not out on the roads anymore. He's an awesome part of the community. One of the few people who will roll up to you, already unclipped and ready to help, if you're stopped on the road. Man, the prayer list I'm going to have to take to The River tonight is getting longer and longer.