Getting married- ? do I change my name

[Tuckervill]

Everyone who said they like the "team" or family having the same name, my question is, why does it have to be "his" name?

Karen

[msincredible]

Everyone who said they like the "team" or family having the same name, my question is, why does it have to be "his" name?

One thing to consider is that it is far easier for the woman to change her name than for the man, like it or not.

[Zen]

One thing to consider is that it is far easier for the woman to change her name than for the man, like it or not.

Huh?

Hundreds of years of tradition.

Tradition and marriage, heh. This could send us down a very slippery slope here...

I despise tradition.

[ny biker]

The man who represents my district in the state legislature changed his name when he got married. He and his wife combined their last names into a new name and they both changed to it.

As for people automatically calling you "Mrs.", I've never been married but people address me as Mrs. Mylastname all the time. I always have to stifle the impulse to say "My mother's not here."

[shootingstar]

As for people automatically calling you "Mrs.", I've never been married but people address me as Mrs. Mylastname all the time. I always have to stifle the impulse to say "My mother's not here."

I'm not married either, but when I am somewhere by myself, I seldom get called Mrs. xxxx. Many people often refer to me as "Miss".

At the German engineering firm that I used to work for, I had to explain to a German systems employee that we flew in from head office, that the software settings for automatic assignment of saluations for generating letter templates, had to be changed to: replace "Miss", "Mrs."...with Ms. The guy wasn't a dummy and accommodating, but he was genuinely unfamiliar with the English saluation of "Ms." for business purposes. I understand that there is no German language equivalent to "Ms".

'Course I had to gently add that a woman's marital status has no bearing whatsoever on her competence and what she does for her job, while she is at work.

I never had any female employee drop by and ask me to change software settings back to the old.

Aiyaaaahhhhhh! This is the 21st century and Germany is full of working women, plus female engineers.....

[Aggie_Ama]

My Mammaw still signs everything Mrs. M.W. last name. My Pawpaw (M.W.) died in 1982. She is 91 but not a very outwardly affectionate person. One day I took her to the cardiologist and she opened up about how she was so depressed after he died she wished she had known to ask for help but people didn't do that in 1982. I think they did but people like my Mammaw from extremely rural Texas haven't been one to run to "the shrink".

So even though it is her generation I think of her signing the name as holding onto a man she loved even though she has trouble showing love. It is sweet to me. Just like a month before he died he bought brand new boots, the three kids begged her to give them to charity but she kept them these 27 years. She just needs to have pieces of him, kind of sad and kind of sweet.

I don't mind being called Mrs. Last name or Mrs. Amanda Last name. I am not too keen on being called Mrs. DH first name last name.

[SheFly]

Huh?
Tradition and marriage, heh. This could send us down a very slippery slope here...

I despise tradition.

It could - but I was ONLY referring to why taking his last name when we felt part of a team - not the entire insitution of marriage .

Surprisingly, I'm not usually one to defer to tradition either. I don't despise it, but don't tend to follow it too closely. I guess that like GLC, a better answer would have been that it never occurred to me to ask him to take my name either....

SheFly (the oxymoron )

[msincredible]

Huh?

Women just need a copy of the marriage certificate.

My understanding is that men typically need a court order.

[Tuckervill]

So here's a new twist, which I was reminded of yesterday.

My friend's husband is a radio announcer, and uses an assumed name, because his real name is not really great for radio. For 15 years he was known all over town as his radio name, except to those who knew his wife and family, and we all called him by his real name. THEN they moved to another state and a similar radio name already existed, so he had to change it.

Now my friend gets mail addressed to THREE different Mrs. His Name, and she only has one husband! lol.

Karen

[Crankin]

Tuckerville, I agree with you. Don't try to test my independence just because I took my husband's name!
Zen, I can't tell if you are kidding or not, with some of your posts!
While I am definitely not traditional (ask my kids, who were constantly embarrassed by my non-traditionalism when they were younger), I do believe that traditions and rituals are very important. Traditions don't need to be "traditional," but people who don't have them often are lonely and depressed.

And nothing bugs me more than when someone addresses a letter to me as Mrs. husband's first, last name. Thankfully, only my grandmother did that and she died in 1997. Every time she wrote to me, my husband would open it, because he saw his name on the envelope.

[Grog]

Women just need a copy of the marriage certificate.

My understanding is that men typically need a court order.

In British Columbia and in most places in Canada (except Quebec where neither men nor women change their name) to my knowledge it's the same procedure for men and women. (Or men and men or women and women since same-sex marriage is permitted.)

I would be surprised if it was different in the USA as for civil matters the system is usually the same. Any better info from South-of-49th?

[sfa]

In British Columbia and in most places in Canada (except Quebec where neither men nor women change their name) to my knowledge it's the same procedure for men and women. (Or men and men or women and women since same-sex marriage is permitted.)

I would be surprised if it was different in the USA as for civil matters the system is usually the same. Any better info from South-of-49th?

When my sister married and took her husband's last name all it took was sending a copy of the marriage certificate to Social Security, then sending the new information to everyone who needed it (banks, DMV, etc.).

When my brother changed his last name to his birth father's last name (he was adopted as an infant then became close to his birth father as an adult) he had to get a court order to do it and then go through the same routine of sending the information first to Social Security and then to everyone else.

It sounds more complicated, but getting the court order is no more difficult than getting married. What I don't know is if they'd allow a marriage certificate only for a man to legally change his last name. I think they'd have a hard time denying it, though.

[Grog]

When my sister married and took her husband's last name all it took was sending a copy of the marriage certificate to Social Security, then sending the new information to everyone who needed it (banks, DMV, etc.).

When my brother changed his last name to his birth father's last name (he was adopted as an infant then became close to his birth father as an adult) he had to get a court order to do it and then go through the same routine of sending the information first to Social Security and then to everyone else.

I am fairly sure that it's related to marriage vs. "out-of-the-blue" (for lack of a better word) name change, not to being a woman versus a man.

If it was related to gender, then it would be a great lawsuit for discrimination waiting to happen!

[SheFly]

Everyone who said they like the "team" or family having the same name, my question is, why does it have to be "his" name?

Karen

Hundreds of years of tradition. At least for me. In some ways, I am very old fashioned. Plus, I like his better

SheFly

[Aggie_Ama]

Everyone who said they like the "team" or family having the same name, my question is, why does it have to be "his" name?

Karen

It was shorter. My birth name is 8 letters, his last name is 5 letters. His first name is extremely long, one of the longest you can give a man he should have one letter for his last name to help. I see nothing wrong with following tradition if it suits you and for me I wanted my husband's name. But as I said I chose to do it, no one told me it was required.

I actually asked him to take my name but he said he would rather me keep it if it meant that much but he wouldn't change his because he felt passionately about his name as well. He wouldn't make me change mine either. The one thing he hates hyphenated names so he asked that whatever I chose that I didn't hyphenate.