Would you hold a wedding shower for yourself?

[GLC1968]

yes, PLEASE SHARE

I developed a good friendship with a girl from work. We both graduated at the same time, went through an extensive training program together, got permanent placement in the same location together, etc. I'd say that we'd been good co-workers & friends for about 2 years when she and her long time boyfriend decided to get married. I knew him fairly well, too.

I was one of maybe 5 people invited to her bridal shower that wasn't wedding party or family. I was extremely nervous because I knew no one, but ended up having a great time and got to know a lot of her girlfriends from college at that shower.

The wedding was a few months later. We talked about all the details at work every day (I was actually getting a bit tired of it). She was my first close friend to get married, so I was actually learning a lot about what went into planning a wedding. This was going to be a fancy affair. I can't remember the location now, but it was upscale. There were over 300 invitations sent out (I have no idea how many they budgeted on attending). I received my invite in plenty of time and it was addressed to me and a guest. At the time, I was dating a guy that I'd been with for about a year. This girl knew him, we'd all been out together. In fact, as she and I talked 'wedding stuff' it came up more than a few times that he and I had talked about marriage, too. She knew we were serious. Anyway, I accepted the invite and said that we'd both be attending.

Less than two days before the wedding, she calls me and in all seriousness says that I can't bring my date. She phrases it that way, too: "my date". Not my boyfriend, not by his name... I ask why and she says that some relatives she barely knew had arrived with dates that they had not said they were bringing and they didn't have enough seating/meals. She even said something about how we weren't married yet anyway. Huh??

I thought it was a sucky thing to do, but I was nice about it and said OK.

The day of the wedding, I came down with some stomach bug. I was violently ill that day and for two days after that as well. I was so sick, I couldn't even be upright or away from a bathroom for more than 10 minutes at a time. My boyfriend actually came over and took care of me. He called my friend and told her how sick I was and that I wouldn't be at the wedding. He had to track her down at her beauty salon (this was before the common use of cell phones) and he didn't stop trying until he'd spoken with her personally. She was rude to him and said something to the effect that I should have told her two days ago that I wouldn't be attending so that she could have let 'so and so' come instead. Right - like I knew I was going to be so sick???

After I'd recovered, I sent her the wedding present I'd gotten her with a card of congratulations. I also sent her an apology (looking back, I'm not sure why I bothered). At the time, I blamed myself. Once I started attending other weddings and then planning my own, I realized what a tacky thing she did by uninviting my boyfriend two days before the wedding because of the cost of a meal.

Anyway, I never heard another word from her. No thank-you (and that was one hell of a wedding gift), no nothing. She didn't return to work for two weeks or so (off on her honeymoon) and by then, I'd actually transferred to a different location (for unrelated reasons). We haven't spoken since. This was 15 years ago.

I can't help but wonder if the 'bridezilla' ever disappeared or not. Either her true colors came out at the wedding, or for a few months she transformed and is now back to her normal self. I hope it's the latter because if not, she's probably not still married. Her husband to be was way too good of a person to deserve a b-iatch like that for the rest of his life.

[Fujichants]

Wow GLC...what a story!

What is it about weddings that make the claws and horns come out?

[fidlfreek]

WOW. What a story.

Does anyone wonder why we really have showers anyway? I mean, I don't know about you guys, but it seems like most of my friends get married after having lived together and having been out of college for long enough to collect enough nesting gear anyway.

I mean, isn't that what its all about? If you're just starting out and have nothing then YES a shower is a good idea. Otherwise, why bother? They are stuffy and generally you end up w/ uncomfortable situations. Like at mine when I didn't remember the names of all of my mom's extended circle of friends. I agree that the most meaningful stuff was the stuff NOT on the registry.

Ever thought of having some kind of "tea"? Afternoon...named with the older crowd in mind they wouldn't automatically assume it was just a party and opt out. Just a thought.

[Irulan]

I believe the original concept for showers was for back in the day when typically folks lived with their parents until they got married, and it was to "Shower" them with all they would need for their new home.

[ny biker]

WOW. What a story.

Does anyone wonder why we really have showers anyway? I mean, I don't know about you guys, but it seems like most of my friends get married after having lived together and having been out of college for long enough to collect enough nesting gear anyway.

I mean, isn't that what its all about? If you're just starting out and have nothing then YES a shower is a good idea. Otherwise, why bother? They are stuffy and generally you end up w/ uncomfortable situations. Like at mine when I didn't remember the names of all of my mom's extended circle of friends. I agree that the most meaningful stuff was the stuff NOT on the registry.

Ever thought of having some kind of "tea"? Afternoon...named with the older crowd in mind they wouldn't automatically assume it was just a party and opt out. Just a thought.

I agree.

It would have been great if someone had thrown a college graduation shower for me.

[Possegal]

My friends threw a graduate school one for me. I was moving 800 miles away, didn't have much of anything. I got a toaster and a can opener and other typical bridal shower stuff. It was very helpful! So you see how I owe them all, and will have to throw the 'come get your parka' party.