Would you hold a wedding shower for yourself?

[GLC1968]

Nope. Not at all. I'm so sorry if you took it that way. It was directed at the person who was giving themselves a shower, and the people who request "cash" or "gift cards" only. Then I got to thinking, I'm not getting married, nor am I having a baby, but I could use some stuff. Whenever I'm at showers we always talk about how we should have showers every 20 years or so when it all wears out. So I thought, maybe I should give MYSELF a shower.

Anyway, Im okay with registries. It helps out people who are really concerned what to get. No one is required, or even requested to shop from it. At least they shouldn't be. Oh, not when the least expensive thing is $200 mind you, and bridezilla is watching every step you make. I kind of like going through and picking out something that matches, but if someone doesn't shop from the registry, they still took the time and effort to get the couple something they wanted them to have. I remember my niece was very irritated that someone deviated from the registry and DARED to give her purple towels. Of course I let her know how I felt. This and the money/gift card request is the "all about me" part. I imagine that at 35, your thanks were sincere and you probably even sent thank you notes.

Oh, and by the way, a shower STILL means "shower with gifts", otherwise it's something else.

Sorry - I don't know why I'm overly sensitive today. Of course we sent thank you's...do people not? I don't know why I ask, I'm sure there are people who don't. Just like there are people who throw their own showers or only register for $200 items and up. Luckily, I've not had to attend any showers or weddings where thank you's were not sent out! I do have one hell of a Bridezilla story though - it even got published in one of the books - that I'd be happy to share.

I agree that 'shower' generally means shower with gifts, but it could also be expanded to mean "shower with attention/good wishes". As I mentioned, I've been to a couple of them where they weren't about gifts at all. I think had they called it a pre-wedding party, half the older family members probably wouldn't have attended for fear it would be about the young people. I think calling it a shower and then saying 'no gifts' was totally acceptable. It sure was fun!

And while I agree with 99% of Indysteel's post - I still don't feel that putting your registry info on a shower invite is proper. It doesn't matter who is throwing the party - putting it in print is advertising, plain and simple. Word of mouth, or don't bother as far as I'm concerned.

[GLC1968]

But more to the topic of hosting your own bridal shower - what if you don't have friends/family living near you? Or you have friends, but they are not so close to you?

I had this. All of my female friends were far away (plane ride, far), including my tiny wedding party...and the only person close to me besides guy friends was my mom. While it would have been horribly wrong for my mom to host the shower, we hope it was ok that my matron of honor hosted it at my mom's house.

We probably broke some rules, but my mom did everything she could to stay out of it outside of cleaning the house and providing driving directions. It was an odd shower though with everyone close to me being so far away. I had only one of my friends there (my MOH) and the rest of the girls my age were actually wives and girlfriends of my guy friends who lived in the area whom I barely knew (oh, and my personal trainer - with whom I was just developing a good friendship with...). I didn't even have any relatives there except for my mom. Weird, huh?

[Geonz]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

I would wonder ... sounds rather sad. Does she feel that unpopular? Is she that scared that she doesn't have enough stuff?

I might be inclined to think very creatively about making myself go broke for this person.

[GLC1968]

Oh, and I should mention that if my MOH and my mom didn't make those arrangements, I would have happily gone without a bridal shower.

Throwing one for oneself just seems sad.

[smurfalicious]

If I were getting married I believe I'd have to throw a "come get your parka cause hell must be freezing over" party. But that's just cause I'm quite unlucky at love.

Bwahahaha! Are there any of those ice hotels in the US? Because that would be the place to have it!

I don't get the whole five hundred friggin parties thing. I had enough stress going on without worrying about a bridal shower and to me it seemed greedy. If you want to get us a wedding present, cool. I wasn't even figuring on that because our friends/family/etc were so scattered that most didn't even know my mom or matron of honor to get the details. Of course if they knew us at all they'd know we were registered at Target (cuz we love cheap plastic stuff!), Sportsman's Warehouse (natch') and Home Depot (totally normal right?).

Just because these parties are traditional doesn't mean you've got to have them all. Perhaps focusing on showing some appreciation for her feuding bridesmaids by planning a nice luncheon for them might be a better use of her energy. From what's been said about her, perhaps she's why they're spatting.

And gifts for an engagement party? Maybe from your parents, but that's it. Perhaps a copy of the Anti-Bride's Etiquette Guide:

http://www.amazon.com/Anti-Bride-Eti...9068937&sr=8-1

Our plan was have a big BBQ out at Lake Billy Chinook with our friends instead of bachelor/bachelorette parties. I mean, why did he need the strip club when he's marrying a former stripper? What we really cared about was the awesome party we were calling our wedding. We just wanted to get married, and have a great day with our friends. Of course I think that having planned to walk down a the aisle with my horse (on my friend's ranchette facing the mountains), guests seated on hay bails with my dogs as flower girl and ring bearer says I'm a bit more laid back.

[Biciclista]

I do have one hell of a Bridezilla story though - it even got published in one of the books - that I'd be happy to share.

yes, PLEASE SHARE

[salsabike]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

Please. Asking people to spend this much money is just plain WRONG. I don't care who throws what parties, but "Please remit expensive gifts" is NOT an okay message, period. Ugh.

[Grog]

But more to the topic of hosting your own bridal shower - what if you don't have friends/family living near you? Or you have friends, but they are not so close to you?

I am 5,000 km away from "home" (whatever that means now). Some relatives-in-law(-to-be) threw a shower for me before my wedding. I thought it was very nice. I had a few local friends that I invited but my mother, sister-in-law (at "home") and close friends could not attend of course. They wouldn't have known what to do there though, I'm afraid, we're not big on showers. But it was a very nice touch on their part, and meant to make me feel welcome in the family. I am thankful for that (in general, not specifically the shower).

[Bron]

Is a wedding shower instead of a hen party?

I'll have to be the ignorant Brit here because I have no idea what they are - the sorts of presents that people setting up a home need are what we would give as wedding presents over here.

[papaver]

Of all my friends I'm the only one who got married. Guess I'm lucky.

I wouldn't spend that much money on a friends wedding. It's not the amount of money that shows how much you love them.

I have some savings for my brothers kids when they get married, but that's different.

I just would ignore the gift lists and buy them whatever I want to buy them.

[Irulan]

For me the point IF I am going to give a gift is something meaningful. I have a ceramic wall clock in my kitchen that was a wedding gift from some dear friends. I am sure they didn't spend over $25 25 years ago. It's beautiful, keeps the time, and it's always in the back of my mind who gave it to me with good thoughts.

Then there's the silverplate chafing dish up in the cupboard above the fridge, can't even remember which relative that came from.

[GLC1968]

yes, PLEASE SHARE

I developed a good friendship with a girl from work. We both graduated at the same time, went through an extensive training program together, got permanent placement in the same location together, etc. I'd say that we'd been good co-workers & friends for about 2 years when she and her long time boyfriend decided to get married. I knew him fairly well, too.

I was one of maybe 5 people invited to her bridal shower that wasn't wedding party or family. I was extremely nervous because I knew no one, but ended up having a great time and got to know a lot of her girlfriends from college at that shower.

The wedding was a few months later. We talked about all the details at work every day (I was actually getting a bit tired of it). She was my first close friend to get married, so I was actually learning a lot about what went into planning a wedding. This was going to be a fancy affair. I can't remember the location now, but it was upscale. There were over 300 invitations sent out (I have no idea how many they budgeted on attending). I received my invite in plenty of time and it was addressed to me and a guest. At the time, I was dating a guy that I'd been with for about a year. This girl knew him, we'd all been out together. In fact, as she and I talked 'wedding stuff' it came up more than a few times that he and I had talked about marriage, too. She knew we were serious. Anyway, I accepted the invite and said that we'd both be attending.

Less than two days before the wedding, she calls me and in all seriousness says that I can't bring my date. She phrases it that way, too: "my date". Not my boyfriend, not by his name... I ask why and she says that some relatives she barely knew had arrived with dates that they had not said they were bringing and they didn't have enough seating/meals. She even said something about how we weren't married yet anyway. Huh??

I thought it was a sucky thing to do, but I was nice about it and said OK.

The day of the wedding, I came down with some stomach bug. I was violently ill that day and for two days after that as well. I was so sick, I couldn't even be upright or away from a bathroom for more than 10 minutes at a time. My boyfriend actually came over and took care of me. He called my friend and told her how sick I was and that I wouldn't be at the wedding. He had to track her down at her beauty salon (this was before the common use of cell phones) and he didn't stop trying until he'd spoken with her personally. She was rude to him and said something to the effect that I should have told her two days ago that I wouldn't be attending so that she could have let 'so and so' come instead. Right - like I knew I was going to be so sick???

After I'd recovered, I sent her the wedding present I'd gotten her with a card of congratulations. I also sent her an apology (looking back, I'm not sure why I bothered). At the time, I blamed myself. Once I started attending other weddings and then planning my own, I realized what a tacky thing she did by uninviting my boyfriend two days before the wedding because of the cost of a meal.

Anyway, I never heard another word from her. No thank-you (and that was one hell of a wedding gift), no nothing. She didn't return to work for two weeks or so (off on her honeymoon) and by then, I'd actually transferred to a different location (for unrelated reasons). We haven't spoken since. This was 15 years ago.

I can't help but wonder if the 'bridezilla' ever disappeared or not. Either her true colors came out at the wedding, or for a few months she transformed and is now back to her normal self. I hope it's the latter because if not, she's probably not still married. Her husband to be was way too good of a person to deserve a b-iatch like that for the rest of his life.

[Fujichants]

Wow GLC...what a story!

What is it about weddings that make the claws and horns come out?

[fidlfreek]

WOW. What a story.

Does anyone wonder why we really have showers anyway? I mean, I don't know about you guys, but it seems like most of my friends get married after having lived together and having been out of college for long enough to collect enough nesting gear anyway.

I mean, isn't that what its all about? If you're just starting out and have nothing then YES a shower is a good idea. Otherwise, why bother? They are stuffy and generally you end up w/ uncomfortable situations. Like at mine when I didn't remember the names of all of my mom's extended circle of friends. I agree that the most meaningful stuff was the stuff NOT on the registry.

Ever thought of having some kind of "tea"? Afternoon...named with the older crowd in mind they wouldn't automatically assume it was just a party and opt out. Just a thought.

[Irulan]

I believe the original concept for showers was for back in the day when typically folks lived with their parents until they got married, and it was to "Shower" them with all they would need for their new home.