If I ever get married AGAIN, I'm going to try this. On second thought, I'm not going to do it again even if hell freezes over or pigs fly, so never mind.

Hey, I'm just going to have a "I've been in this house for 20 years so I want everyone to come over and bring a gift because my stuff is getting old" party. I promise I'll serve frozen margaritas instead of a cute cake. Don't you dare bring anything that doesn't match my decor, because it's all about ME!