Wedding shower etiquette question

[tulip]

Just check for old gift cards!

[Grog]

You could be in touch with whoever is organizing the shower and see if there is some sort of theme. I was once at a bridal shower where the theme was directly related to the bride and the idea was to bring something small and fun within that theme. On the other hand, at my own bridal shower I was given a mix of fun things for me (really cool cycling socks) and things from our registry (knives! I love knives). I am pretty clueless with regards to wedding etiquette but I did everything my "new family" seemed to think was right and it was fun and harmless in the end.

[TsPoet]

You could be in touch with whoever is organizing the shower and see if there is some sort of theme. I was once at a bridal shower where the theme was directly related to the bride and the idea was to bring something small and fun within that theme.

I had a good friend who was going to marry a man with the last name of Ham. She asked for pig items, she decided she was going to start a pig collection. I bought her some household things off her registry for the wedding, but when I was invited to the shower, I thought I'd get her something more in tune with her fun side. Their shower was coed but small and included her future in-laws.
Did I mention, she told me she was going to start a pig collection? I want to re-iterate, she told me she wanted pig things. Just to make it clear, she asked for pig-related items.
Her father-in law was about as Angry as I've ever seen anyone when she opened the pig-shaped tea kettle I was so excited about finding for her.
I guess growing up with the name and being a police officer named Ham inhibited his pleasure in things pig-like.

[Zen]

I guess growing up with the name and being a police officer named Ham inhibited his pleasure in things pig-like.

That's unfortunate and yet hilarious at once

[Zen]

Is this a celebration of two peoples commitment to one another or a celebration of gifts?

You stated that they are both in their forties and have been together for a while. They really don't need anything.
I would spend about $25 on a gift card to a restaurant.

A cast iron pan is a very nice gift.

[ny biker]

Is this a celebration of two peoples commitment to one another or a celebration of gifts?

You stated that they are both in their forties and have been together for a while. They really don't need anything.

Which means they really should not be having a shower.

But a baby or wedding shower are supposed to be the only two events for which a gift is required. Everything else (weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) are considered gift-optional, even though most people don't see them that way. Just like the proper thing is to send the wedding gift to the home within a year of the event, but most people bring the gift to the wedding itself, so the couple needs to deal with a pile of boxes on their way to the honeymoon.

At least that's what Miss Manners says.

Anyway. Just because you're supposed to bring a gift, that doesn't mean it has to be a big expensive blowout.

[ny biker]

Crankin, I was in a similar situations some years back, and declined to go to the engagement party because I couldn't afford a gift. At the time I was pretty broke, due to only recently starting working again after prolonged unemployment, and I was pretty annoyed that I had to spend money to buy things for these people when I didn't own any of the things on their registry and couldn't afford to buy them for myself. I chose the two cheapest things on the list to give them.

(At their reception, one of the couples' very close friends had to leave early because he was sick. When someone told the bride he had left, she said, angrily, "well I hope he ate his dinner before he left because I paid a lot of money for it." Sometimes I really don't like weddings.)

[Veronica]

I LOVE Penzeys spices!

Veronica

[Possegal]

I give the same thing to every bride-to-be at their wedding showers. Picture frames. I'm a bit of a picture-aholic, my whole stairwell in my house is lined with family photos. I figure they are bound to have a photo or two they want to display after the wedding.

I think your wedding gift and your shower (re)gift sound lovely! And I'd bike there too, nothing tacky about that.

[Tuckervill]

Rules and what is acceptable varies from one part of the country to the next. I really think bridal registries are a *help* to those who don't know the couple very well (good friends of the parents, for instance). I appreciate having an idea of the colors and styles they like.

Couples used to just register for china, stemware and the like, but now they have that little scanner thing at Target and they just go nuts--especially, it seems, when the groom is involved. I have overheard some really tacky conversations between bride and groom in the housewares aisles of Target! I feel free to ignore all the high dollar and non-traditional items, and either get something off the registry or use information on the registry to help me choose something more thoughtful.

In this situation, with both over 40, even though it's a first wedding, I would be inclined to get them a book of poetry or something small and inexpensive like that, or just send my regrets about not being able to attend the shower.

Karen

[Tokie]

How about something to go with the skillet? Potholders, gourmet type small food items, and a note about how she can use it with the skillet you are giving her? I think re-gifting the salt and pepper set is a good idea too, perhaps with the same type of note about the skillet. Tokie

[sfa]

I like the idea of something to go with the skillet. Something like this book might be good.

And speaking of etiquette, I was invited to a "grandmother's shower" for next weekend. The son and daughter in law of a coworker are having a baby, but they live halfway across the country. So friends of the grandmother-to-be are throwing a shower for the grandmother, but we're supposed to bring gifts that my coworker will then deliver to her son and DIL. I've never heard of something like this before, and I don't even know the actual parents.

Fortunately, I'm already signed up to do a stream clean up that day, so I'm off the hook! I just thought it was an odd idea for a shower.

[Zen]

I like the idea of something to go with the skillet.

Salt and pepper shakers go with a skillet

What stream are you cleaning up? That water's gonna be cold!

[sgtiger]

The S&P set sounds like a fine shower gift. Just to personalize it a bit, how about including some recipe cards with your favorite recipes hand-written on them. It would tie in the shower and wedding gifts nicely.

[sfa]

What stream are you cleaning up? That water's gonna be cold!

One of the local runs that feeds into the Patapsco. And every year it's at the end of March and it's bloody cold. We always pray for rain so that they'll reschedule the day--when that happens we usually end up doing the stream clean up in May, which is MUCH nicer!

Sarah