Lance engaged/considering Tour '06

[snapdragen]

Scoop! Lance Armstrong Comes Out of Retirement!

Friends, Family, Sheryl Crow Heave Collective Sigh of Relief



Austin, TX, August 24 (Fat Cyclist Fake News Service) – Less than four weeks after winning what was presumably the final race of his career, Lance Armstrong today announced in a hastily-called media conference that he is coming out of retirement.

Said the rumpled, unshaven seven-time Tour de France champion, "Uh, I guess I'll be racing the Tour de France next year." Then, after pausing for a few seconds while exchanging glances with Sheryl Crow, Armstrong continued, "I'll also be racing the Giro d'Italia." Another five silent seconds elapsed, after which Armstrong finished, "And the Vuelta Espana."

Armstrong concluded the media conference abruptly by saying, "No questions. I have to go ride my bike now."



Crow Gives the Go-Ahead

Rock star Sheryl Crow, who has been dating Armstrong for more than a year now, explained Armstrong's decision. "He's racing again because I was going to completely lose my mind if he didn't get out of the house and do something. I swear, if he isn't at Home Depot buying new power tools or downstairs playing Halo — I haven't yet told him Halo 2 has come out — he's catching up on seven years' worth of television. Yesterday, he watched the entire second season of 24. You know how long that took? All day and night."

Crow took a deep breath and continued, "Back when he was preparing for the Tour, Lance and I used to talk about how great it would be when he was retired and he'd have time to do nothing but relax. I had no idea he meant that so literally."

At this moment, Crow stopped and took three deep breaths before continuing, "So, yeah, he's going to start racing again."



Neighbors Enthused for Armstrong Comeback

Armstrong's next-door neighbor, James Scott, reports being pleased with Armstrong's decision to re-enter the peloton. "A few weeks ago I was washing my car and Lance comes over, wearing pajama bottoms and an 'I won the Tour de France 7 times and all I got was this lousy t-shirt' shirt."

"We start talking about the Tour," said Scott, "and he's helping me wash my car. Nice guy, really. And then I realize he's rubbing down my car with one of his yellow jerseys. I told him he should be protecting them for posterity and he says, 'Oh, I've got a million of 'em. You want it?' And of course I said 'yes.' I mean, who wouldn't want one of Armstrong's jerseys?"

"That was nine jerseys ago," continued Scott. "Now anytime I go outside to water the lawn, trim the hedge, whatever, he's out there with an excuse to talk about glory days and try to unload one of those jerseys. I've started avoiding him, if you want the truth."



Armstrong Reacts

"I'm ready to get back into the routine," said the record-holding Tour winner when reached for comment. "At first, it's fun to be a full-time dad, but after a couple days you find yourself trying to remember which of the twins always wants to wear purple and which wants to wear pink, and how you're going to get Luke back home from soccer practice when it's the girls' naptime, and there are still dishes in the sink from two days ago."

"And have you ever been forced to watch "Dora the Explorer?" asked Armstrong, his face growing animated. "Now, there's a time trial for you. And they want to watch the same episode like three times per day. I swear, if I hear that 'I'm the Map' song one more time...."

"There've been times when I'm making three different kinds of soup for lunch," continued Armstrong. Grace likes Chicken and Stars (with the chicken bits taken out), Isabelle wants Cream of Chicken, and Luke wants Cream of Tomato, unless he changes his mind after I've made it and decides he wants Spaghettio's. That's when I think, 'OK, who's the domestique now?' So no, I'm not too upset about having to get back on the bike."

Asked about his plan to race all three grand tours in 2006, Armstrong said, "Can I win all three? I have no idea. That's not even the point. I'm just doing what I'm told."

And when will Armstrong retire permanently? "I dunno," says Armstrong. "When will the twins be in school full time?"

[Deborajen]

Lance has done a lot for cycling in the U.S., and as a cancer survivor he's like a modern day "Six Million Dollar Man" - after cancer he came back "better, stronger and faster" in the Tour de France. Between his Tour victories, his leadership qualities and his motivational talents, he has phenomenal potential to make a huge dent in the fight against cancer. Plus he's a living symbol of hope. I'd hate to see the French accusations take away from all of that but if he races in the TDF again, win or lose, the press won't back off.

He's an "alpha male," which makes him a great team leader in cycling, but I can't picture him marrying Sheryl Crow and living happily ever after with her career out front. He'll have to work, and it'll have to be something big. Personally, I've always wanted to see Lance try some other races - maybe he will.

Deb

[Irulan]

so am I the only one on the planet who could give a rip less about yet another celebrity engagement/ wedding?

~irulan

[Grog]

No Irulan, I'm here too.

[snapdragen]

so am I the only one on the planet who could give a rip less about yet another celebrity engagement/ wedding?

~irulan

No, I'm here too......

[slinkedog]

Here, here!!

[Trekhawk]

so am I the only one on the planet who could give a rip less about yet another celebrity engagement/ wedding?

~irulan

Im with you. Love the cycling - could care less about who he dates.

[Deborajen]

I hate to sound paranoid, but did I say something bad when I mentioned . . . Sheryl . . . in my above post? I'm kind of new here - haven't even been around long enough to make a big deal out of anything yet - but after my post there were immediately a string of posts about not giving a hoot about . . . Lance and . . . uh, her . . .

For the record, I'm not too excited about their upcoming wedding either, but not too surprised to hear he's having second thoughts about retirement. And now I'll go look at another thread 'cause I'm done here.--



Deb

[Pedal Wench]

Of course not! We just like to gossip here - nothing to feel paranoid. You give us a topic, and we'll 'discuss'! Grab a cup of coffee and stay a while!

I hate to sound paranoid, but did I say something bad when I mentioned . . . Sheryl . . . in my above post? ...snip...... And now I'll go look at another thread 'cause I'm done here.--



Deb

[CorsairMac]

I hate to sound paranoid, but did I say something bad when I mentioned . . . Sheryl . . . in my above post? I'm kind of new here - haven't even been around long enough to make a big deal out of anything yet - but after my post there were immediately a string of posts about not giving a hoot about . . . Lance and . . . uh, her . . .

For the record, I'm not too excited about their upcoming wedding either, but not too surprised to hear he's having second thoughts about retirement. And now I'll go look at another thread 'cause I'm done here.--



Deb

no ma'am you didn't say anything out of bounds at all. We're just a wild anc crazy bunch!!! Please don't be offended, you'll find we're really laid back and care more about the cycling than anything else. If Lance wants to marry the Dali Lama I say good for them!!

(oops...wrong celebrity!)

[jpbayarea]

Couldn't agree more re Lance and another comeback. I do think he could pull another out of the bag. He was simply enjoying his supremacy this year and wrote smart and not too hard. Selfishly I'd love to see him racing again, that face alone is worth a lot....BUT, and, it feels just a bit ego driven to be considering a comeback just to "piss off the French." Who cares what those people think? He's proved himself again and again. He knows that. Anyone who doens't believe this should be discounted and moved beyond. WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN, his litany of the past year....let alone a new engagement with Sheryl who must hope for more relaxed time with him and the children.

Ego is a funny thing and it makes us do things that are not always aligned with our greater selves...not to digress into psychological/spiritual matters, but! Hope his statements are tactical and not more.

[Trekhawk]

[QUOTE=CorsairMac]
If Lance wants to marry the Dali Lama I say good for them!!

(oops...wrong celebrity!)

Hey Corsair - you crack me up

[Irulan]

I hate to sound paranoid, but did I say something bad when I mentioned . . . Sheryl . . . in my above post? I'm kind of new here - haven't even been around long enough to make a big deal out of anything yet - but after my post there were immediately a string of posts about not giving a hoot about . . . Lance and . . . uh, her . . .

For the record, I'm not too excited about their upcoming wedding either, but not too surprised to hear he's having second thoughts about retirement. And now I'll go look at another thread 'cause I'm done here.--



Deb

nope not directed at you at all. Just the concept of celebrity watching is really not for me.
Too bad he's gotten so bored of parenting already. That's day to day life for most of us. His kids will love him a lot more for being there and fixing lunch for them than for winning another race.


~I.

[slinkedog]

Amen to that, Irulan.

Yeah, nothing against you at all DeborahJen!! We all just have to stick in our 2 cents!!

[SadieKate]

so am I the only one on the planet who could give a rip less about yet another celebrity engagement/ wedding?

~irulan

What?! You aren't glued to the TV waiting for more news about Brad and Anjolie?