In a low place

[lunacycles]

Hey Smurf, You live in Boulder, aka "snobville" when it comes to all things cycling. Trust me there--20 years dwelling, racing, owning a small bike shop there made that very evident. It is great for cycling, no doubt, but remember where you are living--possibly the most elitist cycling community in this country.

A bike is a bike is a bike. It should be something that gives you joy, not something that reflects your self worth. I say hang out with the horse as much as you can; wherever unconditional love finds you, put your energy there. Enjoy your bike and ride it whenever and wherever you feel like it, and try to ignore those deluded folks who seem to think they (or you) are somehow better if they have a more expensive (or lighter, or fill-in-the-blank) bicycle. My dos centavos.

As far as depression goes you are getting great advice. I am no pro there. I seem to see my bouts of depression as personal challenges to plow through, and have likely suffered more than necessary as a result. But we all face it, especially when times are uncertain. You are not alone.

[Aggie_Ama]

I say tell the boys at work to STFU and ride your bike. In Austin is almost a subculture of coolness to have a bike like yours.

[solobiker]

Smurf, I lived in Boulder for a little bit and it is a tough town to live in because it seems like everyone is trying to impress people with what they have. As DH says "keeping up with the Jones'" (I liked living there for the hiking and climbing) Now to get back to the topic, I certainly don't have very fancy/expensive bikes, but I enjoy riding them. I used to really care about what others said and was comparing myself to what others had and my ability...the list could go on. It took a while for me to accept things for what they are and to know that in the end it does not matter. I had a close friend who was very much in enjoying every aspect that life had to offer. Her bike was very old, she didn't own a jersey but she could bike me into the ground, same with climbing and skiing. all of her gear was old. Unfortunately she died in an accident about 2 years ago, but she changed me in ways I can't describe. I guess wht I am trying to say is, try to step back and look at what you have done and accomplished. Would a new bike make you happy?? Whenever I was upset about some "trivial" such as work she would say..."on your deathbed are you really going to be upset about....." "Or do you want to remember......" That really helped me to learn to let go a lot of the Cr**. So when people are bugging the heck out of you just try to focus on positive aspects instead of dwelling on the CR***. Lets hook up soon and ride. I need a riding partner and someone who is younger then me to help me out and someone to pull me up the hills.

[derailed]

Thank you for letting us know that you are under stress, so we can be here for you.
Thank you for making a list of things to do, such as getting vitamins and planning steps to take to cut down on some of the BS you are being bombarded with.

The peanut gallery is contaminated. They have no more right to judge your bicycle than they do your choice in underwear. No one has the right to tell you how to spend your money. No one has the right to tell you how to enjoy your personal time. I am disgusted by the attitude you have mentioned dealing with at work, and do hope your employer will take steps to reduce the pressure.

You are not the only one to be "teased" past the point of propriety. You are not alone.

Are you sleeping properly? Are you eating well and staying hydrated?

[smurfalicious]

Do you do rodeos? Is there an equestrian club in your area that has some down to earth/normal folk?

Ugh, that's the hardest thing. The whole rodeo circuit in CO is on the western slope, thus at least $100 in gas per rodeo not to mention entry fees, food, nights too cold to sleep in the bed of the truck, etc. Either way I miss it soooo much!!! That was me, that was my life, training 5-6 days a week after work, and irrigating and then running hellbent for leather around the arena on the weekends.

There are some barrel races around here but they use the 4-D format for everything. So my $1500 novice class is the same crap shoot as entering the 4-D. Basically, let's just say the AToC time trial was in 4-D format and they were placing 5 deep. So Levi's time won, and the next 4 guys immediately after would place in the 1-D. Okay so let's call his time, I dunno 30:30, and say we're doing 1 minute splits, so winner of the 2-D is 31:30 and then four down from him, 32:30 wins the 3-D etc. Soooo, if there are 20 guys between 30:30 and 31:30 only 5 of them win, while 15 lose despite better times than the 31:30 group. Yeah, it's lame.

Anyway, I spent most of last night chatting with a good friend who helped me refocus and think about all the awesometastic things I want to do:

• I need to spend the weekend getting ready to bring my horse home, hurray! (though might keep him where he is since play days start soon and I've made some friends there).
  
• Rent a Bobcat and create the most awesometastic pump track/dirt jump course in the backyard and become a DJ/BMX superstar (all in the same weekend, actually).
  
• Shop around for a green screen printing shop that uses ethical and organic t-shirts to start my awesometastic business.
  
• Study the art of the interview from the good folks at NPR's fresh air. Score interview with Tyyy-luuuuhr. Complete rocking interview. Tyyy-luuuuhr falls madly in love with me (eh hem). Sell interview to Bicycling for a cajillion dollars. Buy new bike. Tell Tyyy-luuuhr I don't have time for a relationship (erm whut? Yes I do!)
  
• Ride bike with Solobiker. Laugh when she thinks my fat butt is going to pull on the hills.
  
• Work on my David Sedaris-esque personal narratives. Published writers are more popular to employ and oh yeah, I love writing!

Things I am grateful for, at least today:

• That I can rock the farmer's daughter look in pig tails and a red/white plaid shirt.
  
• The epic sandwhich I made today for lunch. Yes, I called a sandwhich epic, but if you saw it, you'd understand.
  
• Friends that will hang around on google chat until the wee hours telling my stories about inflatable seagulls in outdated jello boxes.
  
• My numerous Pandora stations that always manage to offer up something the keeps me in a good mood.
  
• Still being full from the epic sammich several hours later.
  
• Making a friend the other day with my ex-roommate's ex girlfriend (is confusing, but is okay).
  
• Birthday dinner for pseudo-niece and seeing her smile when she opens her present, super happy about that.

[Zen]

I want to know more about the sandwich.

[Tokie]

Isn't tyler married? (oh, sorry, I'm supposed to be cheering you up!) . I've read your post another time about what a hideous work environment you endure. Here's hoping that someday you can work with respectful grownups who have better things to do than put other people down. ( and don't need to build up their pathetic shrunken self-concepts by bullying you ). You sound like a smart and fun person who hasn't found the right work environment yet. Although in this economy, maybe even a sucky job is a good thing! good luck with talking with your boss, and somehow learning how to let the bulls#*t roll off your back. Sometimes if you don't respond in the expected (annoyed,hurt,embarassed,angry, insulted???) way, the tormenting becomes un-rewarding for the tormenters. Perhaps some kind of counseling could help you find greater tolerance of the idiots you work around! Be careful to not let others define you by "things" that you do or don't have. There are always "better" things to be had. Good luck! tokie

[smurfalicious]

Isn't tyler married? (oh, sorry, I'm supposed to be cheering you up!).

Freshly divorced, and if you've seen his hair lately, he needs a woman in his life! My stylist is a punk rock goddess who does amazing things with a razor.

Aaaanyway, I talked to my mom tonight and poured my heart out over how I was feeling. I told her I was worried about her and she told me not to be, that she wasn't worried about her. That she gave it God and he'll show her the right path. I wish my faith was that strong right now. Mine is at best, shaky.

Definitely been listening to my Christian and Christian hip-hop stations on Pandora lately. It's nice because it's all positive and that's what I need.

I told her how things were going at work and she said "F*** 'em! You've never cared what other people think about that sort of stuff." I cried to my mommy tonight, and ya know, you're never too old for that. Made me feel lots better. Strangely think mom supports the purchase of a BMX bike, she knows how much we ripped it up in the neighborhood park as kids and she knows I'm a big overgrown kid.

[OakLeaf]

Strangely think mom supports the purchase of a BMX bike, she knows how much we ripped it up in the neighborhood park as kids and she knows I'm a big overgrown kid.

Here, take a look at this. If she's not too old for BMX, neither are you.

I'm glad you can still cry to your mom. Take advantage of the support system you have. Since you mentioned Christian music - do you have a church you're comfortable at, and/or a minister you can talk to?

Hang in there girl. Sending lots of hugs your way.

[lph]

Freshly divorced, and if you've seen his hair lately, he needs a woman in his life! My stylist is a punk rock goddess who does amazing things with a razor.

smurf - I just wish you could cheer yourself up the way you do others. You are a hilarious read and crack me up all the time

[smurfalicious]

smurf - I just wish you could cheer yourself up the way you do others. You are a hilarious read and crack me up all the time

I'm funnier in person. When can I come visit?

Seriously though, did you see him at the press conference for AToC? Couldn't tell if it was Tyyyyy-luuuuhr from Rock Racing or Tyler, new general manager of Spearmint Rhino gentlemen's club.

http://www.velonews.com/photo/87667

In his defense, sports photographers know jack about adjusting white balance on DSLRs indoors. I can attest to that, not my area, but that only addresses the horrible lighting and icky color hues.

And if he had the original VeloCowgirl at his side this never would have happened.

http://www.velonews.com/photo/88160

Straw? In the winter? What were locals congratulating him or mocking him? Felt hats in the winter, straw hats in the summer. Sheesh! All hat, no cattle fo' sho!

Hope they didn't get any of that 1/2lb of makeup on his most courageous jersey. When I rule the world podium girls will be wrenches from local shops that still have Phil's grease all over them and their hair in ponytails because it stays out of their faces while fixing flat number 50 for the day.

[Aggie_Ama]

Haha!! My husband and I argued the podium girls did or did not look tacky. I told him "Well my money is they can't ride a bike without training wheels". Glad you seem to be in better spirits.

[OakLeaf]

It's been done, in motorsports. Umbrella Girls USA specifically hires women who ride. So they've still got b00bs out to here and legs up to there, but they've also got scars from roadrash and orthopedic surgery everywhere. Whatever.

Honestly, I really do get feeling and acknowledging one's sexual power, but I don't get why lawyers who race motorcycles feel the need to dress up like bimbos and drape themselves over pro race winners. The pay can't be that good.