Marriage: it isn't all roses and rainbows

[Tuckervill]

Yes! Those feelings are perfectly normal. I've been married just a little longer than you (13 yrs last Aug) and there have been a couple of times in our marriage that I just felt empty inside. It's also funny you bring this up, too, because yesterday in my ladies' class at church one of my mentors was talking about this. She said they have been married more than 40 yrs and she said there has been a couple of times in those yrs that he could have been hit and killed by a bus right in front of her and she would have turned around to their family standing there and said, "So! Where are we going for dinner??" LOL I think it's always good to know that not all marriages are perfect. They do take work. And you're not alone in feeling like the two of you are just not connecting right now.

I also agree it would be a wonderful idea for you to talk to someone. Depression can wreak havoc on marriages and relationships. Good luck with everything.

+10000!

Find something new to interest you. (I didn't say someONE!) Pick out something from your "bucket list" and at least spend some time imagining how you could accomplish it. Let one foot follow the other. That's the practical advice.

The more theoretical advice: This won't always be how it is. It will change. Either it will change towards a dissolution of the relationship, or it will get back to an easy ebb and flow that you are both happy with. Feeling that it will never change is a form of hopelessness that typifies depression, and so I do encourage you to get help. And have hope for the future.

Affectionately,
Karen

[indysteel]

While I think it's perfectly normal for a longterm relationship to ebb and flow, I don't think your thoughts about driving into pylons are. I agree that you should talk to a professional. Pronto.

I found my therapist through a friend. Do you know anyone who sees a counselor or social worker? If you don't, then check to see if your insurance company--if you have insurance--has a preferred provider. Make sure in making the appointment that you make it clear that you're having some dark thoughts. The therapist will likely try to get you in sooner rather than later.

I've had several bouts of depression. They're downright scary. Right now, I think you should remember that depression colors EVERYTHING. It could be that your marriage is contributing to the depression, but I would stop short of placing too much blame on it until your head is a little clearer. I do think, however, that you should try to be honest with him that you've been down and that you need to get some help.

Like Oakleaf, I think you need to be healthy on your own before you can really address what, if anything, is ailing your relationship. Hopefully, your DH will be open to the process that therapy entails.

Hugs and good luck to you.