Thread Drift

[Crankin]

Yes, I don't care about anyone's preference, either. And when I said it seemed weird to me, it wasn't in a "Pagans have open caskets and that is weird" way.
Not intending to offend anyone. I know why I think it's weird; it makes me uncomfortable and it's hard for me to understand how people can find comfort in the practice. But, I know people do, in fact most people, I think.
I don't like anything to do with death, quite frankly. Some people find spiritual comfort in thinking about where they will be when they are gone, but in my mind, you're just dead, buried in the ground.
OK, no more talk of this subject. I'm sorry I brought it up, even though the funeral I went to was "uplifting."

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Well, for what it's worth, the umbrella term 'pagan' covers a very wide variety of religions, each one of which has different funeral customs. Plus, Catholics often have wakes where one views the body to say their goodbyes.
Burial customs vary all over the place.

[lph]

Well, as usual I'm butting in way too late in a discussion, but this is a really interesting topic so here goes anyway . I have no opinion on the religious side of it, but I think what one finds acceptable probably has more to do with the customs you're raised with than the religion that may or may not surround it. I've never been to a funeral with an open casket, but I've "viewed" the body at a sitting in advance twice, and they were strong experiences. It brought home very strongly the fact that they were dead. I was a little freaked out by how unnatural they looked and unlike themselves, there is something very very different about a dead body that doesn't have only to do with skin tone. I think for me it was a good thing, though, because this was obviously the last time I could see them - and I left with no wish to see them again. Not that they looked horrible, they just weren't there anymore.

What did upset me later was being handed an urn with my brother's ashes. I've been raised thinking this is a perfectly normal funeral practice, but when I actually held a small container with the only physical remains of him it felt quite traumatic. So you never know how you're going to react until you're there, I guess.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

What did upset me later was being handed an urn with my brother's ashes. I've been raised thinking this is a perfectly normal funeral practice, but when I actually held a small container with the only physical remains of him it felt quite traumatic. So you never know how you're going to react until you're there, I guess.

Yes, I know just what you mean! I was with my mother through her death, and managed to hold myself together ok until the fellow arrived at my door and kindly handed me the box of ashes. I thanked him and closed the door. That's when I lost it. A year later we were all able to have a nice gathering to release her ashes into the sea, and by that time I was more at peace with it.

[Tuckervill]

Karen, see my answer to Robin's post. I apologize if I was imprecise in my language and unwittingly offended you. As I said, this is my PERSONAL feeling and is not a criticism of anyone's preferences.

And, to be perfectly clear, I have nothing against Pagans and any other religion/belief. I don't appreciate your comments and presumptions.

I also could care less if people want open caskets - it's their preference, their money, and if it helps their family/friends find comfort, more power to them.

No, I asked for clarification to give you a chance to avoid offending anyone. I'm not offended. I read and re-read your post and I still don't understand why you used that word that way, especially followed by "But that's just my opinion." My choices were to assume you used "imprecise language" or you used the term in a derogatory manner. I gave you a chance to clarify. I'm still not clear, but that's okay. I don't have to be.

Karen

[salsabike]

Actually, I have heard other people say that over the years where I grew up, which was an East Coast Irish Catholic town. When they said it, it was clearly not intended to be an insult and the word "pagan" was not loaded with any negative connotation in particular. Perhaps it has a meaning or usage in some parts of the country that you are not accustomed to hearing, but that does not automatically make it derogatory.

[Tuckervill]

I come from a semi-fundamentalist background. It does hold a derogatory connotation in those circles.

Still, I concede your point that the OP may not have been using it that way. (I can't remember exactly who it was now, and I don't want to use the wrong name.)

Karen

[Aggie_Ama]

Yes for the most part I would believe in the Bible Belt (which I live in) Pagan is a negative term but I looked up the definition and would not be offended to be lumped as one.

As a non-practicing Lutheran I still think my husband's mostly Catholic/Baptist/Church of Christ family with their open caskets for the whole funeral is weird. My husband was a little offended when I said so but to me it just isn't how it is done and quite frankly makes me a bit uncomfortable even though I have been to I think five services now where it was done like that.

My husband's grandma's second husband was a Mason. They had Masonic graveside services- those were very interesting.

[SadieKate]

I find all this talk of open caskets interesting. In my early 20s, seeing my grandfather's body profoundly affected me and not in a good way. The funeral home made him look 70 rather than the 92 yr old grandfather with age spots. I didn't know him at 70 so it was a stranger in the casket. I only viewed his body because my mother and the funeral director wouldn't shut up. I'm older and wiser now.

But open caskets are not uncommon. Many religions embalm, which goes along with open caskets, and became popular in the US during the civil war. Families paid for their family members to be embalmed and transported home so they could see the body again. Think about the incredible lengthy funeral train (and stops) for Lincoln's body to be put on view - as are many heads of state. You'd be interested to know the number of bodies which can still be viewed -- or maybe not.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Embalming

[Biciclista]

my grandmother never wore makeup a single day in her life. Well, the funeral director got the last word - She had my grandmother wearing lipstick and everything else. The family was horrified.
I think it's kind of silly.

[redrhodie]

I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, but it's the most embarrassing thing ever. Remember the episode of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" where Mary starts laughing at Chuckles the Clown's funeral? Well, that has happened to me at an open casket wake. I managed to run into the bathroom and pull myself together, but yeah, a little too late. The fact that it was wrong made it that much funnier. Open casket wakes are way too surreal for me. It's totally because of nerves and not that I find death funny. I am always afraid it will happen again, adding an extra layer of stress to the situation.

[Crankin]

It's never happened to me at a funeral/wake/etc, but it has happened in other situations where laughing is totally inappropriate. I think I transmitted this gene to my older son, because there have been a few times when I have been someplace with him and if we happen to glance at each other, I have to squelch the laughter and so does he.

[Aggie_Ama]

That happened to my husband's cousin. He is one who cannot stop laughing, a bellowing, infectious laugh. DH said it was really funny but embarrassing.

You know the other thing about Lutheran services, if they are in the church you have to close the casket before moving it into the church. When my Uncle Bocky died his services were at a very old church, the only place to display the body was in the entry way. I was a little taken back that the body was RIGHT THERE, you could not go in without seeing it. I don't like a forced viewing!

[redrhodie]

It's never happened to me at a funeral/wake/etc, but it has happened in other situations where laughing is totally inappropriate. I think I transmitted this gene to my older son, because there have been a few times when I have been someplace with him and if we happen to glance at each other, I have to squelch the laughter and so does he.

In retrospect, it has happened to me in other inappropriate situations, too. At a wedding, in a very quiet drawing class. I'll buy that there's a genetic link. My cousin got to laughing so hard at her father's wake that she couldn't attend his funeral. My mother also had laughing fits.

[Tuckervill]

I cracked up in about my third session at Boot Camp. The instructor is the perfect specimen of a man--I swear he looks like a prototype of some robotic thing. Like a GI Joe, with muscles, v-shaped torso, stoked up forearms. So he's up there doing upper cuts in rhythm, left, right, left, right, and I can see him in the mirror. All of a sudden a vision of Popeye the Sailor Man flexing his anchor tattoo comes into my head. Being nervous and not knowing the instructor very well, I'm just cracking up in the corner, almost crying. I had to go into the restroom and compose myself.

I never can get through the class without thinking "toot-toot" during the upper-cuts.

Karen