What about lipstick and deodorant in case you run into Lance?
Here are a few things that might come in handy:
A sewing kit - for those awkward moments when cycling shorts develop a hole in the rear end.
Portable Privacy room - for those times in the countryside when nature calls.
Slingshot - for dogs.
Binoculars, a pad of paper, and a pen - to write license plate numbers down of motorist who are terrible drivers.
Laptop - to pull up the law about drivers and cyclist to show to motorists.
Umbrella - keep rain off or act as a sail in a tailwind.