No offense taken. I actually did think of counseling but really do not have the time and would prefer not to spend the money. Which is why I turned to my TE sisters! What a wealth of knowledge and information in these forums.... I have received good advice on everything from saddle sores to peri-menopausal issues.

Emily, I am indeed a perfectionist, which has always served me well in the academic and, to some extent, work worlds, but not so well elsewhere.

Irulan and Tulip, thank you for your thoughts - I actually took some of those gems and printed them off so that I can keep reminding myself to try these things. I read somewhere that you should try biting your tongue for one week. I repeatedly tried this, and repeatedly failed. Irulan, I really like your suggestion of trying one day at a time. I think that starting with one week is an unrealistic goal (we are talking years, decades of this behavior pattern), but one day, that I can shoot for. I started last night.

First, not a tongue biting exercise but a situation I cannot control: riding the bus home; got the driver who is afraid to use the freeway shoulder - where buses can legally go - and therefore he sat us in stuck traffic for awhile; started to feel my BP rising and breath shortening; reminded myself there was nothing I could do to change this; sat back and enjoyed listening to some more David Sedaris on my MP3 player.

Next, at home: no nagging, no correcting of DP. Of course, I can always see so many ways to do things better.

Today, I am trying a full day's effort. Halfway through and so far so good, especially since we met with a new boss today (quite a test!).