Dealing with Mid-Life Crisis

[Flybye]

I just want to offer a different perspective here. People who are in long term marriages, even with a bazillion kids, do get bored. It is a part of life. Those who admit that they are bored instead of trying to stifle it and live feeling shamed for having normal thoughts are the ones who can find themselves in a lot of trouble. The feeling of boredom does not go away by trying to think it away or shame it away. If individuals can't express normal and honest emotions and feelings, it opens the door just a little wider to the possibility of having a discreet affair.

Healthy marriages are about honesty. Good mental health is about honest and open perspectives into feelings and thoughts.

I think that it is encouraging that others are seeking opinions about their boredom. That tells me that they are asking "am I okay?? are others experiencing the same thoughts and feelings as I am?" and most importantly, it acknowledges that they are wrestling with something that they don't feel right about.

When we can name and claim a feeling, we are more open to honestly examine and explore it. Those are the people who will most likely find something good and productive to fill that boredom void. With something other than an affair.

Developmentally speaking, if we look at adults in the age ranges 0f 35-45, adults at this stage are going through what Eric Erickson referred to as the stage of Generativity vs. Stagnation...... people in this stage of adulthood have a tendency to either become self-absorbed with personal achievements and life-style (a more stagnant approach to life) or to become more generative - individuals who seek productive work, new adventures and challenges, and setting important goals. It is a time of re-examination - a realization that the time is ripe to reach goals. There is a bit of a struggle to find the path at this stage, just as there were at other stages, such as during the grand old time of adolescents when we were struggling to find our identities in the world.

Within this framework, then, it is NORMAL that they are examining their lives, every faucet of it. Without the self exploration there will be no generativity.

Some men feel more comfortable talking to other women about issues. I would suspect that Bluetree is a good conversationalist, someone that they trust, and someone that they respect an opinion from. In this way, then, if my assumptions are correct, Bluetree is a gatekeeper of sorts to help them normalize how they are feeling and then suggest that they seek help outside of the friendship circle. If my assumptions are correct, then, I think Bluetree is doing an honorable job at being a friend and confidant.

My suggestion to them would be they see a Counselor to help them understand some of the thoughts and feelings that they are experiencing.