Please help..MIL in town

[Tuckervill]

I'm a mother-in-law, and not all of us are a giant PITA.

If your MIL is elderly and set in her ways, you might want to just not engage her in arguments about Medicare or whatever. Is it really important if you are right or not? She wants to be right, humor her a little. One of you has to be an adult about it all--you will take more pride in yourself if it's you. Right now it seems like a month is a looooong time, but it will be over before you know it, and then you can be free to do and feel what you want.

If she's younger and able-minded, I'd try to come to some kind of terms with her. I hate when these kinds of things give all MIL's a bad name. Maybe she's just feeling misunderstood (certainly, you are!). It sounds to me like the two of you should come to some kind of agreement on something--anything. Try to figure out what that is that you can give over to her, completely, with no reservations. Let her be right. Does it really matter if the turkey is upside down or not? Give in on something and maybe she will be more likely to give in on something else. It just sounds like a power struggle to me. If you don't push back, she'll just fall on her face.

I know it must feel horrible to know she's sitting there watching you operate in the kitchen and just waiting to pounce on whatever you do that's different from her. You can avoid this situation with a little advance planning. Go and do the things you would do normally in those three extra hours, and like others have said, add on some more--especially something you've been putting off, like cleaning out the closet or whatever. Don't just sit there with her.

And, I think I'd strongly encourage DH to take a few hours off early once or twice a week until the visit is over. It's not fair of him to leave it all on you.

One last thing--take notes, in case you're a MIL one day.
Karen

[tulip]

I feel for you Solobiker. My ex MIL would come stay with us from Europe, not for a month (she would split her time with her daughter), but even a few days would put me in a really bad mood.

It helped me to realize that I could not change or control what she did, but I COULD control my reaction to her. That helped me alot.

A month is a long time. Is there a class or an activity that they could sign up for?

[ginny]

the NY Times posted an oped about "what Shamu taught me about a happy marriage" in 2006 (I believe)... lemme see if I can find it: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html well, that was easy... anyway, read it - it's funny, and it may help with the MIL and the husband . One of the methods I employ with my SO when he hovers ridiculously close when I am cooking is: here's the lettuce, tomatos, blah blah, would you mind making a salad... or I put snacks out for him... AWAY from where I'm cooking. At the very least, it's a bit of comic relief. Good luck - maybe you should hit the rum and egg nog

[Blueberry]

I feel for you too. There are bad MIL's out there. My DH really doesn't have any contact with his parents (long story), but when he did, it wasn't fun. I remember his mother showed up at my house on graduation day at 6:00 in the morning (because she thought she'd get an early start on the day - after telling us to expect her about 9) and expected me to fix her breakfast, tea, etc, etc ("what do you have to do to get someone to bring you food around here?"). I made her the center of attention (her goal), and made it "her" day. She was happy. I barely had time to get myself dressed and ready for graduation (and deal with the fact that my mom decided it would be a great idea for my dad to ride to the ceremony with my step-dad).

CA

[Irulan]

LOL

Does it really matter if the turkey is upside down or not?

Actually it does because the timing on roasting it is really different from regular roasting.

[Blueberry]

I'm gonna have to try this upside down turkey thing

[Irulan]

I'm gonna have to try this upside down turkey thing

Seriously, it will be the most moist turkey you've ever had.

[Grog]

Since we're talking about MILs..... something I find desperately funny (because it's not my MIL).

I was briefly in touch with ThisWoman recently who's the MIL of a friend of mine, and we're talking about her other son, whom I know as well.

She said: "You know I was very disappointed when my son (ThisGuy) left ThisGirl [another friend of mine], I liked her so much. After that he dated ThisOtherGirl which I liked too, but he left her as well. I've decided that I will never again become attached to a girl my son is involved with, and he'll probably end up with a girl I don't like anyway."

Speak of a positive, flexible, resilient attitude.

I know from my friend, whose MIL this is, that it can indeed be quite challenging to be her DIL. Oh my!

[SadieKate]

I'm a mother-in-law, and not all of us are a giant PITA.

Hey, don't forget my story about getting drunk with my MIL while my parents were being the difficult ones.

I'm fairly blessed with my MIL though at age 98 the control button seems to be intermittently broken. Every so often the conversation deserves a . Make that multiple .

[Tuckervill]

Hey, don't forget my story about getting drunk with my MIL while my parents were being the difficult ones.

I'm fairly blessed with my MIL though at age 98 the control button seems to be intermittently broken. Every so often the conversation deserves a . Make that multiple .

I've never gotten drunk with my DIL, but I've knitted with her! We had a rocky relationship at first, but now that her controlling step-mom is out of the picture, it seems much better.

Karen

[Tuckervill]

I've heard of roasting a chicken upside down...it lets all the fat from the dark meat drip down into the breast, right?

My husband roasted a chicken upside down on accident a few weeks ago, and when he cut it up, he kept saying, I'm trying to get some of this white meat from the bottom here! Um, babe, that's the breast! lol.

Karen