Do what feels right for you. I think a huge amount of energy gets eaten up by expectations and obligations. We ( our family, DH and I ) absolutely refuse to get sucked into the spending thing for even our kids. We have very small, non commercial holidays. Sometimes we order pizza. We quit traveling hundreds of miles very early on - just won't do it.

IMSHO, nothing wrong with not buying gifts you can't afford, or just getting what is in your budget. It's not a freaking contest with a winner. IF your family thinks it IS a contest, you are better off without them.

I find I enjoy family visits so much more when it's other times of the years.