Please share: Relationships, Engagement and Marriage

[shootingstar]

I'm 34, single, never married, never really had a long term relationship, and currently have no prospects. Lately I've started to realize I've pretty much given up on ever finding anyone, and unfortunately I'm starting to feel a little bitter about it. Reading all of these posts makes me realize how much I do want a relationship! It's just so hard to find a good guy (or any guy at all!)...and I'm not good at meeting new people. But I'm really good at being single and on my own, and I'm proud of myself for being independent. So if the right guy comes along, I'll be absolutely thrilled. But I'm not getting my hopes up!

I was 31 when I met my partner. Before that I was getting impatient with life..so I bought my own home....was getting nicely into setting up my very own home...when several months later..he appeared in life.

And even after meeting my partner, I continued to live in and own my place --but he and I made many visits/stays between his and my place...by bike rides across the city. I suppose the tendency is that 2 people shortly move in to live together but we chose not to do that. And it was in hindsight good..and less stressful on his young teenage children (at that time) whom he had custody/visits arrangements with his ex.

I would like to share something with this forum:

My parents are in a traditional marriage...mother always a full-time housewife. She was picture bride...she never met her future husband for real until she stepped off the plane in Toronto direct from mainland China, to marry my father. She and Dad exchanged photos and wrote letters for a few months. Then just a year after marriage, they had their lst kid, me.

In such relationship, the woman is nearly at the mercy of her husband and often must defer to her hubby..unless she has the resources to leave.

Though the marriage isn't 100% perfect, for certain i know my mother knows she is incredibly lucky to marry a man who never abused her, is hardworking, patient ..and willingly shares household duties and cooking with her,......which is more rare in their generation during their aging years. Through their marriage, I am highly accustomed to a strong marriage as ongoing communication, trust and being united in values, how one runs their lifestyle, finances, etc.

Communication, trust and intimacy is top in our relationship. You have to be each other's sexual , but best friends for life, to make it work and to help one another grow like trees entwined in branches together, but deeply rooted beside one another and to bend well in winds, if necessary.

[OakLeaf]

to help one another grow like trees entwined in branches together, but deeply rooted beside one another and to bend well in winds, if necessary.

What a beautiful metaphor!

[ASammy1]

I am now 30 and was married at 25 to who I thought was my best guy friend. As the marriage went on, I realized he had a drinking problem and I was becoming codependent (which I didn't realize until later in therapy). In Feb 2007, I had had enough after many, many dangerous and embarassing drinking incidents. I told him I was looking for jobs out of state and he could either join me and work on our relationship/drinking problem or stay back-the choice was his. Two months later I was offered my job here in VA and never looked back. We decided we were going to put our house on the market and he would move to VA when the house sold.

Well.... two weeks after I moved, my best female friend of 15 years moved into my house with my husband sleeping in my marriage bed. I had a gut feeling of what was going on, but neither of them would own up to it. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, so I hacked into his myspace account (his password was our dog's name-not exactly difficult to figure out!) and saw that they had been sending myspace love messages back and forth for weeks. A month later, she was pregnant. Needless to say, our divorce was finalized 6 months later.

Now here is the good news... 3 months after I moved to VA, I stopped into Walgreens on my way home from the gym. I was in the magazine aisle and I went to reach for a certain travel magazine. A guy who was also looking at magazines reached for the same magazine at the same time-cheesy!!! We laughed and struck up a conversation. He was really nice and I didn't know a soul in the area, so I gave him my business card. He called two days later and we've been inseparable ever since. I soon learned that he had gone through a similar situation about a year before me and that his divorce had just been finalized. Neither one of us had any kids either!

We've now been going strong for over a year and I have to say this is the healthiest and strongest relationship I have ever been in. We are very respectful of each other and while there is no immediate plan for marriage, we both know that we want to be together. We have some very similar interests and also very different interests. We do many things together, but also some apart. During the week, our lives are very hectic, but we always make time for each other on the weekends. We are a team. I have his back and he has mine.

I hope this goes to show that even the absolute worst situations can turn out wonderful. Had I not gone through what I did, I never would have met Zack. I am happier now than I have ever been in my adult life. It's amazing how your life can change with the drop of a hat

[Biciclista]

Cool story, Asammy!
we wish you lots of luck. It sounds like that girlfriend of yours did you a HUGE favor!

[ASammy1]

Hey Mimi! Thanks and yes she did!

[Irulan]

And now the icing on cake.... drum roll please...

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!!!

To gloat about something like is pretty sad, and the situation is a disaster, nothing like a baby growing up in an alcoholic home. (ok, maybe you aren't gloating but that is how it comes across to me on a web board. ) Look I know you are hurt and all that, but try to step out of that for a minute and see how this comes across.

I hope someone suggests Al-anon to her, and maybe to you too.
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

[ASammy1]

I didn't mean to come off as gloating and I apologize if I offended. And you are absolutely right that the situation is very sad. I feel terrible for the baby. I was merely trying to show just how bad it was for me and how life did a complete 180. Maybe it was in bad taste on my part and for that I apologize.