Please share: Relationships, Engagement and Marriage

[michelem]

So, I know I'm jumping in here a little late, but thought I'd share a couple things that have helped us immensely.

My hubby and I got married a little later than most (we were both nearing 31). We were both pretty set in our ways and what a shock once we got married and started living together! I think we both thought we could just go along as usual, with the fringe benefits of being married. We didn't realize how much work it would be to create a "we" rather than a "you and me." In our case the first few years were ROUGH! We were still trying to be independent and we certainly didn't want to be co-dependent (which is what we thought of as the alternative). The solution? INTER-dependence! And, boy, what a difference that has made.

Another thing we needed to learn was to let go of the 50-50 concept -- if I see you do your part, then I'll do my part; but, if I don't see you do your part, then you better believe I'm not gonna do my part! We had to start looking at ourselves contributing 100% to the marriage, whether or not the other was contributing anything at all. No, I'm not talking about becoming a slave or a doormat. We both committed to the concept, so that each of us was giving 100%. Granted, we don't live up to this 100% of the time, but we try and that makes all the difference.

Finally, I REALLY had to learn how to let go and let my husband be himself. Can you believe that the more I got after him to pick up after himself, etc., the more he dug in his heels and got defensive? The nerve of him! I had to learn that my world was not going to fall apart if the house wasn't perfectly in order. Also, that he was not out to get me or hurt me (which is how I took it when he left his socks on the floor or the dirty pb&j knife on the bare counter). And, amazingly, over the course of time, the less I nagged, the more he started picking up after himself ON HIS OWN!

Basically, we are The Odd Couple. I'm Felix and he's Oscar. From the outside, you would never think our relationship would work. He likes spicey, I like plain. He likes riding downhill with no hands, I'm clutching the brakes for dear life (give me uphill any day!), he likes basketball and football and lifting weights, I like ballet and figure skating . . . you get the picture. BUT, we are on the same page when it comes to spirituality, values, and loving each other.

So, there you have it in a nutty nutshell. Thanks for letting me share.

[arielmoon]

I woke up this morning to discover I'm not married anymore.

If you are married, please take a good look at that precious right. Imagine how you would feel to wake up and discover you were no longer married, despite not one thing changing in your life, your love, or your church.

Appreciate what you have, every moment that you have it.

(((Presto)))




edited for OT- sorry!

[Irulan]

(can we please keep the election out of these threads....)

Let's remember that OP was looking for experiences on the nature of relationships, and not the legal status of those relationships.

[Presto]

(can we please keep the election out of these threads....)

Let's remember that OP was looking for experiences on the nature of relationships, and not the legal status of those relationships.

Thank you, Irulan, for your support. That is why I didn't mention election, politics, or legalities in my post. I spoke only about my very personal reaction to the very personal experience of the nature of my relationship.

You young ladies will discover as you get older that there are miracles in every relationship God brings to you. Appreciate them. Be grateful for them. Imagine how you would feel if they were taken from you (by law, illness, death or separation). When you see this great gift before you, then you will find the strength and determination to create a full relationship and live it completely.

Appreciate every thing you have, every moment.

[Biciclista]

Another thing we needed to learn was to let go of the 50-50 concept -- if I see you do your part, then I'll do my part; but, if I don't see you do your part, then you better believe I'm not gonna do my part! We had to start looking at ourselves contributing 100% to the marriage, whether or not the other was contributing anything at all. No, I'm not talking about becoming a slave or a doormat. We both committed to the concept, so that each of us was giving 100%. Granted, we don't live up to this 100% of the time, but we try and that makes all the difference..

Hey, I thought WE invented this concept! Thanks for bringing it up!!


and to all of you whose marriages are no longer considered such by their state, please remember that the most important part of a relationship is what is between the two of you. (although having a few legal rights would sure be nice too). I am sorry about the election results.

[salsabike]

Another thing we needed to learn was to let go of the 50-50 concept -- if I see you do your part, then I'll do my part; but, if I don't see you do your part, then you better believe I'm not gonna do my part! We had to start looking at ourselves contributing 100% to the marriage, whether or not the other was contributing anything at all. No, I'm not talking about becoming a slave or a doormat. We both committed to the concept, so that each of us was giving 100%. Granted, we don't live up to this 100% of the time, but we try and that makes all the difference.

Hey, I thought WE invented this concept! Thanks for bringing it up!!

No, my parents always told us that too: "A marriage isn't 50%-50%; it's 100%-100%." My dad also used to say, sometimes you should apologize even when you don't think you were wrong. I think they taught me how to leave room, if that makes any sense. I mean, leave room for both of us to be imperfect, to become better, to get a break, to be heard...whatever kind of room is needed so that people don't feel boxed in with no good place to turn. I'm babbling away insensibly but hope you all see what I'm trying to say.