Your genuine appeal for support during your depression really touches me and as you can see it touches others here.

There is no easy and quick solution to dealing with depression. Saying anything pollyanna-ish would be an insult to you and others who are dealing with this very REAL and very DEBILITATING condition.

All I can say is know that you've been heard, and know that we are thinking about you, and know that we are here.

Here is one odd thing that helped me so much when I was depressed while caring for my dying mother. So many family issues surfaced during that time like dealing with my brother who sexually abused me as a child. I almost drowned in the overwhelming feelings raised. I was very angry at my mother for never defending me and never discussing the subject, and yet I understood why, and yet I didn't, and she was senile and accusing me of untold horrible deeds. It was just WAY WAY too miuch to deal with.

A hospice counselor was helping me vent and just happened to ask the question to tell her something about my childhood that was a visually or emotionally positive image.

I remembered the cellar steps in our house with shelves lining the walls where Mom put up canned tomatoes, peaches, corn, everything from the garden and orchard. It was the most beautiful and comforting sight to see all of those mason jars lined up in a beautiful array of colors. We were poor and Mom was determined to get us through the winter with healthy food canned with her own hands.

I'm sorry to run on, but the point is that in the continuing emotional horrors that continued till the death of Mom, when I didn't think I could bear one more thing, I would remember the mason jars of love. Absolutely nothing else worked for me, not meds, not therapists, not trying to rest, not trying to put on a happy face. The colorful mason jars of love did it though.

So when the depression grips you with strangling strength, find an image that comforts you and hold it in your mind. This is not a weakness to do this. This is finding the bottomless pit of hope and love and beauty that is within us all and which sustains us.