It sounds like you are very depressed, and need professional help to get back to your old self. I hope you are able to see a psychiatrist or other licensed mental health care professional to get you through this hard time. I know my primary care MD will prescribe anti-depressants, but when you are this stuck in a bad place, you really need someone specialized to see you through your funk! I've been there myself, and slogged to the gym working out, telling myself - I just need endorphins to get myself out of this -. I too grew to hate my usually much enjoyed workout routine. Focus on getting the help you need, and your love and enjoyment of everything in life will come back. It sounds like you need to see someone to help you - right now- not in a few weeks. I know it's hard to ask for help. Hang in there! Tokie