Lost a mechanic (long post)

[Irulan]

and bring your boyfriend with you!

Why?

[Biciclista]

for moral support. And besides, the abuser is probably going to say "she asked for it." It will be harder to make that statement with the boyfriend sitting there because HE knows how hard it's been for her.

[sundial]

Because having her man present will 1) give her emotional support and 2) to keep the manager from brushing her off.

[OakLeaf]

Fuji, that stinks. +1 to reporting him, and I sure hope you find a new mechanic soon.

I'm with the ones who say don't bring your boyfriend to talk to the manager. I TOTALLY get the desire for moral support, but chances are the manager will take you less seriously if it appears you're not there on your own.

[lph]

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

[Biciclista]

Yes, a woman SHOULD be able to go into a shop and make a complaint without her "man" present. But there's an angle here that you are missing. it's one person's word against the other. Once the boyfriend walks in and says, yes, I"ve seen how he makes her uncomfortable, it's TWO against one.

[Zen]

Yes, a woman SHOULD be able to go into a shop and make a complaint without her "man" present. But there's an angle here that you are missing. it's one person's word against the other. Once the boyfriend walks in and says, yes, I"ve seen how he makes her uncomfortable, it's TWO against one.

I disagree.
A competent business manager will take her at her word.
With the boyfriend present it could be construed as a jealous boyfriend.

[sgtiger]

Fujichants, creep, indeed! I'm inclined to think that the mechanics actions were more than mere social blunders. The impression that I received from your post was that you did all you could to spurn his actions yet despite that he went ahead and made inappropriate advances. I'd make a formal written complaint to the manager/owner with a detailed account of what happened. That way you can keep a copy and notify the LBS without having to speak to them in person. You should clearly spell out for them every instance where he acted despite your protests. Whether the LBS does anything or not at least you they've been made aware of the events that cost them a customer and you have a copy to file with the proper authorities if the mechanic should ever try to contact you in any way again.

[alpinerabbit]

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

Same.
I think the wrong response would be to feel victimized.
It's possible he's done it before, but I lean on the side of caution and just brushing it off. I'd talk to him first and get an apology.

[SadieKate]

I agree the boyfriend doesn't need to be there. A reasonable manager should take your word for it. Do it in person, not over the phone. Bringing in your boyfriend as your boyfriend weakens your stance as a paying customer, male or female.

However, there is value in having the boyfriend there to say "if you don't fix this you will lose 2 customers." Be sure he doesn't say or demonstrate any flexed male muscles and ego.

And both of you should say that you will be sure the word is passed along to all friends that there is a mechanic there whose behavior cannot be trusted outside the store.

So what if he is a besotted idiot and how would anyone know if he does this to other women unless the manager is notified? I'd sure be questioning whether battery has occurred.

[lph]

I didn't say, or mean, that the manager should not be notified. He (or she) should be notified - if fujichants wants to - but I was questioning the responses that thought this guy would do this again or has done so to others. I found it hard to tell from the story.

[Irulan]

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

I hate to think how many other women might have had to tolerate "poor impulse control".

[jesvetmed]

wow

ew

Well said. guy sounds creepy and a bit sad. Sorry you have to find a new mechanic. That's the toughest part here.

[Tuckervill]

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

Except he's not the type to take No for an answer. She told him to give her the bike and he took it anyway. She stayed away from him while loaded it in the car. She tried to get away, said no when he asked for a hug and then hugged and KISSED her anyway.

What would he have done if she had not resisted SO MUCH?

He gave up his right to be besotted with other women when he got married.

A simple NO should be enough.

Karen

[LoriO]

Don't let him give you the run around. Perhaps you can find out through the town tax office who the business owner is.