Oh, ouch, you got yourself good! But I think you need a more dramatic story...attacked by a bear, perhaps?

(Years ago I tried "hopping" my bike over the curb and onto the sidewalk like I had seen folks do in The Netherlands. One foot slipped off the pedal, which caused the other pedal to slam full-force into my shin. I had two rows of "bite marks" like yours, and a major bruise. I told folks I had been attacked by an alligator. )