Egos and Lack of Preparation

[Dogmama]

and his younger brother had a heart attack when he was 40 (he did survive). His brother, who's a doctor, has been trying to get him to have some tests done, exercise regularly but in moderation, eat right, etc., but DH instantly goes deaf at those discussions and argues that it's all "paranoia."

Deb

Deb, our husbands were separated at birth.

Here is the conversation I had with my husband:

"Honey, I know you think you're fine & doctors are a waste of time. You need to consider that you are not just messing around with your life - you're messing around with my life too. You are being selfish & here's why - I want to grow old together. I don't want to care for an invalid because he was too stubborn to take care of himself. Please get tested."

Lotsa luck. My DH is a colon cancer survivor and has a blockage in an artery. He keeps his oncologist appointments but blows off the cardiologist. And his father died early of heart problems.

Where's my bike...???

[Tuckervill]

I had basically the same conversation with my husband not too long ago, over a different kind of health issue. He has responded admirably, losing 40 lbs., working out religiously, and he even went on a club ride without me today!

It was heart-felt, not nagging, with tears and it was a very long conversation. Sometimes they need a picture painted before their eyes.

Karen

[LBTC]

DJ - is he home ? was his ride okay? is his recovery from the ride okay? That is, of course, the immediate concern....

When you're ready, let us know what your strategy is. Not only do we hope the best for you and your DH, I'm sure several of us would like to know how you make out with him and the conversation....

Hugs and healing, communicative butterflies,
~T~

[Deborajen]

Well, DH got back from his ride safe and sound. He's a little sunburned, but not the least bit sore -- go figure. I'm active but I'm always sore after doing something new. It keeps me from waaay overdoing it.

I tried going on shorter rides with him early in the spring and just told him I wasn't ready for a longer ride (which was true - although it had the added benefit of keeping him from taking off and going all out right from the start) but between weather, work and other stuff, we haven't gotten to ride together very often. He usually rides by himself - he doesn't like riding with me because I'm slower than he is. We have a good cycling club here but most of the group rides are really fast but, yes, I think a lot could be learned from a group.

He did go through treadmill testing in his late twenties after he developed an irregular heartbeat. His heartbeat evened out with exertion so the doctor told him it was probably due to too much caffeine and too little exercise. He's never come out and said it, but I've often gotten the impression that, between his dad's early death and just having the irregular heartbeat, he didn't expect to live a long life. (When we'd talk about funerals, life insurance, etc., he'd always talk as though it were a given that he'll go first.) So maybe he is more worried about "decaying" from what he used to be than of mortality.--

[Aggie_Ama]

Deborah- My husband is the same unnerving way. Not about ability, he is annoyingly a natural athlete and endurance isn't an issue. BUT he is only a medicine that weakens his immune system and was cautioned to clean any cuts well, avoid illness. So he works outside (plant nursery), comes home cut with dried blood. He says "I cleaned it but the bandage kept coming off". He also will not go to the doctor when he comes down with something. He also had his appendix rupture because he didn't want to go the emergency room and convinced me it was gas pain. Love him to death but some days I just shake my head to keep from smacking him upside his.

Glad you DH is okay. Sometimes what feels perfectly sensible in our minds isn't to others and vice versa.