Advice Needed- Dealing with a looming death

[milkbone]

I'm so sorry for you, my prayers and thought are with you...

My father died of cancer 3 years ago, (doesn't seem that long though), it was a sudden diagnoses and too late for any treatment. I am the baby of the family and they kept it from me for a couple of weeks before I ever knew, they gave him a few weeks to the most 3 months...he finally passed after 6months in a wonderful hospice center...it wasn't easy, and knowing/looming was heartbreaking but I was thankful for it in a way, to have those moments to talk, to share....but it in no way made anything any easier when he did pass.
I know someone else said it, just listen, be there, be the shoulder to cry on, he might even get angry, just try not to take it personally. Try to embrace the time you have with them...

Hugs...my prayers and thoughts are with you.

[spokewench]

It is hard, hard hard and I wish you luck with how you deal with "living with impending death" I too am dealing with these sorts of things now too. I have two brothers in law who have stage 4 colon cancer and my father is 90 and the one kidney he now has is not functioning very well so his time is limited too.

I just make sure that I am available to anyone in the family that wants to talk. I am open and accepting of the limits that being sick and taking care of the sick present for the closest people involved. You must be upbeat but not unrealistic and live the moments that you have with them with candor and joy. Do not treat them like they are dead already. It is so easy to try to avoid talking about the issues of death and sometimes to avoid the person who is ill; but mostly just be there, be open, be honest, don't be afraid to ask questions and offer your understanding and sympathy. None of us can truly understand what it is like unless we are in the situation ourselves, but we can do the best we can by being there to talk to and help.

Hang in there. That is what we all do