TJrelic - If others could hear what goes on in my head, they would hear a lot of tapes from my childhood. These seem to be stuck and play daily despite my being 48. These messages keep the fears alive. Constant moves/disruption as a kid can interfere with normal growth and development. Can I have a "do-over"!?
The orange bike is a perfect example of "paradoxical intent" in action. Good for you to be so bold!

Slowbutsteady - I can relate to what you mean about interacting with those in your community who know you. I think I know how people view me and I worry about negative opinions/perspectives without having the truth. I want to be liked and I over value the process. This builds barriers that become exhausting to work with. Going to town often wears me out.

Flur - Way to go!!

Savra - I like your new word . . . "offness". Embracing it = self-respect. It's hard to feel good about yourself when this problem is so closely connected to self-esteem.

Solobiker - I am also more comfortable with anyone who isn't viewed as a challenge to me. I rank/rate people as being better than/worse than and this is then translated into my fear. I know this is irrational but it's how my brain thinks.

Thanks for sharing. I hope that we can all be more comfortable this year. We're doing our best. It's not easy living with this, but we are still good people who do good things for others.
I appreciate the responses to this thread. I have felt a sincere concern and honesty from TE.
Barb