Any others in the forum with social anxiety?

[Flur]

I used to be what I can only describe as excruciatingly shy. I'm still not overly outgoing, but I've made a lot of progress. One day I decided that I didn't like being afraid of things, so I decided to put myself out there no matter what. I used to not look people in the eye - so I made a point of it, and I made a point of smiling every time I felt nervous because it was more inviting to others. I was amazed at how different my interactions were - I can't even describe it properly - it was like they respected me more and saw me more, and it did wonders for my confidence. About 4 years ago, with my husband's encouragement, I started a year long yoga teacher training program. Teaching - standing in front of a group of people who are looking at me, potentially with a critical eye - was close to my biggest fear. But now not only can I teach in front of a group, I can speak in front of a group, even on the fly, and if I walk into a room and everyone turns to look, I can smile back with complete confidence. I can make small talk with strangers where I used to freeze up, and things that would make me break out in a cold sweat before barely phase me now. I'm not saying that looking the fear in the face will work for everyone, but it really has done wonders for me.

BTW - All that said, posting on forums terrifies me. Still.

[mimitabby]

wow, Flur, you have really come far! You can teach yoga !!!
I cannot emphasize how impressed I am with your achievement! It's fantastic. I'm still an idiot in public. Talking on a forum like this, I make a fool of myself several times a day... water off a duck's back

[Skierchickie]

Oh, wow - posting on this forum is really easy - I can think and think about what I want to say, read it over and over and re-word things. Abandon the whole process if I get scared. Basically try to make sure I don't offend anyone or look like an idiot. Notice I used the word "try". Then I can keep checking back to see if anybody responded to what I said, or if I'm just a big loser, and now everybody knows it. This is so much easier than face to face verbal contact! I sometimes feel like I can't put two words together. Work isn't bad, as long as I can avoid talking to customers (usually an Army Major or somebody like that - turns out they aren't that scary once you get to know them). I've been there long enough to be comfortable with most of my coworkers, although I can tell which ones are like I am - the ones that don't make eye contact in the hall (I am slowly overcoming the certainty that those people just hate me). I still have enough insecurity that if I meet someone in the hall, I look furtively to see if they are going to make eye contact or speak, and then I can speak to them - otherwise, I freak out and pull into my shell.

I did try posting on other forums a couple of times before finding TE. Not good! Somebody asked a question about the same car I had just bought, so I spoke up - got lambasted. Same thing happened again. Sure, they did it to everybody, but I took it pretty personally. I don't go there anymore. Another forum I have read before (tri related) - I've seem people get flamed over nothing. Some guy posted a question, and referred to riding fast on the flats at a particular speed (meaning fast for him, clearly) - they roasted the poor guy for the rest of the thread for his definition of "fast", then roasted each other for being mean to him, etc. - all one big laugh, apparently.

Flur, you are amazing!

Bacarver - I'm afraid I'm doing more of an "Ooh! Ooh! Me too!" than anything actually helpful. Just know you are not alone. You are right about the different ways anxiety can manifest itself. Mine is a panicky feeling. As an adult I realized I had had anxiety attacks beginning probably in kindergarten up through high school. I always tried to hide it - I never told my parents, because I thought there was something wrong with me. More performance anxiety than social anxiety with that, though.

Hang in there. Realizing what is really going on helps a lot. I think hearing other people's stories helps a lot too - just knowing you are not alone.

[Tuckervill]

the whole "people just invite me to join them because they are trying to be nice"

I sometimes think this, too, but over the years I've come to realize that-----NO, people just aren't THAT nice.

If I was so socially awkward and shy that someone felt sorry enough for me to invite me anyway, even though they didn't like me, then they'd be too afraid that I'd say YES to the invitation, so they wouldn't ask.

That's the tactic I use with obnoxious people. I don't invite them because I'm afraid they'll come!

99% of the shy people I've known (nothing wrong with being shy), were absolutely lovely people on their surface. And--if they had allowed me to get to know them better--probably sterling at their core.

It's just too bad they don't believe it.

Karen

[Savra]

Is it social anxiety disorder if you have had it all your life? and it's just kind of who you are? I used to get very anxious being around people and wouldn't even go into a store as a kid on my own. Normal everyday interactions with people gave me horrible butterflys. It got better as I got older. However, people still think I'm rather off. I think as I got older I just stopped being anxious and scared people would think I was strange and accepted that they will any way.
Yes, this is a great forum. I lurk and enjoy reading everyones posts. I still worry when I post that I "did it wrong" and "will offend" and will "seem off" but at least it's only a tiny little voice and not that cold sweat I used to get some 10 years ago.
May I say, how very courageous to even ask the question.

[uforgot]

Is it social anxiety disorder if you have had it all your life? and it's just kind of who you are? I used to get very anxious being around people and wouldn't even go into a store as a kid on my own. Normal everyday interactions with people gave me horrible butterflys. It got better as I got older. However, people still think I'm rather off. I think as I got older I just stopped being anxious and scared people would think I was strange and accepted that they will any way.
Yes, this is a great forum. I lurk and enjoy reading everyones posts. I still worry when I post that I "did it wrong" and "will offend" and will "seem off" but at least it's only a tiny little voice and not that cold sweat I used to get some 10 years ago.
May I say, how very courageous to even ask the question.

Have you ever read Party of One the Loner's Manifesto by Anneli Rufus? Until I read it I thought I was always a little "off" too. Always had to have lots and lots of alone time, and I'm not big on gatherings too often. Even as a kid I hated slumber parties because I knew I had to spend the night with a crowd. This book made me feel much better about it, as my friends think it's a little strange, too, but they accept it. They know when I say no to some event: shopping, party, etc, that I'm not going to give a reason, and it has nothing to do with them. I think you are correct when you say it's just who you are.

[spotlightmama]

Have you ever read Party of One the Loner's Manifesto by Anneli Rufus? Until I read it I thought I was always a little "off" too. Always had to have lots and lots of alone time, and I'm not big on gatherings too often. Even as a kid I hated slumber parties because I knew I had to spend the night with a crowd. This book made me feel much better about it, as my friends think it's a little strange, too, but they accept it. They know when I say no to some event: shopping, party, etc, that I'm not going to give a reason, and it has nothing to do with them. I think you are correct when you say it's just who you are.

Thanks for posting this - it looks like a really cool book!!

[Savra]

Have you ever read Party of One the Loner's Manifesto by Anneli Rufus? Until I read it I thought I was always a little "off" too.

I haven't read it but I will certainly check it out. Thanks. I do think we should all embrace our "offness" (yeah, I think I just made up that word). We can have fun being strange, or off, or wanting to be alone or whatever our quirk is.

[solobiker]

I am pretty uncomfortable in these situations as well. More so with people my age group then with people older then me. What I mean by older is that I am very comfortable talking and spending time with people in there late 70s on up. I feel very uncomfortable with my peers, I have nothing to really talk about that I think they would want to hear. I have gained some confidence over the years but I am still not there yet. I was telling DH that I feel far more comfortable visiting with our neighboor who is in her 80s then our other neighboor who is our age.