Gifted Children & School: parenting advice

[OakLeaf]

I can't speak to the mom end of it, but having skipped a grade and been in accelerated classes in elementary school, I'm very strongly opposed to it.

A child can get academic education anywhere, and a motivated child will do so. But children don't have a choice about where they get their social and emotional development, and they don't know any better than to follow adults' lead as to whether those things are even important.

Keep him with kids his own age. That's even more critically important because his medical issues have apparently isolated him somewhat. Keep him exposed to a diverse group of kids - not just kids scoring high on so-called "intelligence" tests, who are also likely to belong to a certain demographic (not because that demographic is any "better" than any others, but because that's what the tests screen for).

Let him know that his academic (and/or artistic) performance is no more important to you than the quality and continuity of his friendships, his comfort and security with his school, his physical health and fitness, his general delight in life.

If he's bored in school, you can supplement his school work with related education. Whatever he's interested in, pick a topic to investigate in more depth. He can share his projects with his classmates and teachers if time and interest permit, or just keep it in the family. But if you keep it related to what he's doing in school, then he'll have something to focus his attention if classwork seems to be going too slowly for him.

Just my $.02

[spotlightmama]

Do they have gifted classes at his current school? Even if they aren't quite as robust as the ones at this new school, it would be a compromise.

IMO, "education" is defined in many ways. I think people tend to focus too much on book learning - the best parts of my education came from real life (and I'm an Ivy League graduate, lol). If it were my child, I would probably wait until he was a little older. OakLeaf makes an excellent point that a motivated child will find places to learn. I grew up on Florida's education system! He will find learning in family, nature, and life in general. Let him be a kid for a little longer and make this choice when it's better for him. That's my $0.02, at least.

[Eden]

As other's say it totally depends on the child and everyone has differing experiences. For me it was a very good experience. I was one of those kids who probably would have been too bored to pay enough attention otherwise (oh heck - I know I wouldn't have paid attention... I had notebooks full of drawings rather than notes from some of my mainstream classes...). I've also always been quick and regular classrooms/teachers aren't always equipped to handle a kid that finishes their work too fast.... (I did a lot of reading on my own, not terrible as I liked to read, but still I might have been better served by other school work?) I get the feeling I would have started hating school pretty early had I not been in the accelerated classes - ours were one day a week at a different school through middle school, some separate classes in middle school and all separate classes in high school.
As far as social issues go, I agree with Alpinerabbit.... leaving a smart kid in regular classes usually doesn't make them particularly popular or give them a rewarding social life. Being in accelerated classes certainly won't guarantee a kid friends and it can be competitive, but at least the kids don't get picked on for being the smart one or learn to not act as smart as they are do they don't get picked on.

[alpinerabbit]

I was an overachiever in elementary school. Gifted did not exist yet, and I wasn't very social. I hated my classmates because they hated me for being (one of) the best.
I don’t know if it would have helped me – the infrastructure just wasn’t there.

Thanks to my brains I had no struggle all through H.S. and I am happy for that. Sometimes I think it is best to let your kid perform to the level they can achieve with ease instead of pushing them. This is just a comment on "other parents", as your kid seems to have an easy time.

If your kid is happy with his classmates, that is very important as well.
He can always skip a grade later and get the chance now to develop his social skills. I would have given my talent for having more friends for sure.

The tiredness could mean he is stressed, and the change would stress him more. Yes to giving him stuff to do. Art class, learn an instrument (although maybe not -that is extra stress), some other group (maybe not - he says he feels tired). I had loads of extra activities that I enjoyed: violin, pottery, girl scouts. NO SPORTS.

[mimitabby]

what wonderful advice here!

let him be a kid! he's at the 98th percentile because of what he's doing at home. so keep doing that and let him enjoy school. Not going into a gifted program now isn't going to keep him out of Harvard!

If he was excited about it, i'd have a different opinion.

[Irulan]

You don't say how old your kid is, and I think that is a crucial element.

I too have gifted kids. The boredom set in early (first grade) and who the teacher was made all the difference. Some teachers couldn't cope ( ie, tell them to go read a book or go help another kid when they finished their work first) and some were great, constantly coming up with alternative activities and challenges.

Our district starts testing in first grade, offers a one day program for grades 2-4, and then has a magnet school option for grades 5-8. This is a good set up for developmental issues I think.

If he's not bored yet, you might wait.

My opinion is that if you have the option of taxpayer funded education to grab it and don't' look back. Here's why:
-The teacher are specialists in dealing with GATE (Gifted And Talented Education) kids and their issues, whether it perfectionism, excessive curiosity, sensitivity to overstimulation and so on. They understand how to augment and expand the curriculum to challenge and inspire kids.
-they will be with kids like themselves: intelligent, curious, sensitive, a multitude of talents, and they won't be picked on or tortured by the other kids for it.
If you think this kind of behavior isn't in the schools, you are fooling yourself.
-they will develop confidence and self esteem in their unique talents, instead of trying to hide them or fly under the radar because they are different.

Sending my boys to a magnet GATE program provided by our district for grades 5-8 was the best thing we ever did for them. Those years are the worst, middle school, and they had a chance to really become sure of who they were without all the social drama that in endemic in most middle schools.

As for the argument of pulling them out of the home school takes them away from their friends and social life.... I think it's ridiculous. They make new friends at school, from a broader swath of the community, with kids more like themselves. Our GATE school pulled from the whole district, so the boys got to be friends with kids from all over the city – much more diverse socially, culturally and economically than our neighborhood school. I thought it was great to see my kids appreciate others talents and gifts; it made them very comfortable in their own skins.

I'm concerned by the comments that you son is "tired" and home work is a problem. Why? "Tired" can be depressed from a bad day at school. Homework can be a struggle if it is boring, stupid or pointless. Now this is pure speculation, and I did have one who was very easily over stimulated. No matter where he was he always needed some down time to recuperate.

I really support gifted education: we have family members who were talented and bored out of their skulls, which translated into acting out, drug use and eventually dropping out. I support giving a gifted kid all they can handle, within reason, and making sure they have balance in their lives. By balance, I mean making sure the bookworm has a sport or outside activity that they like to do and don’t spend all their time on the sofa reading. I am also very lucky in that we have an excellent program in our district, and understand that not everyone has access to that.

And while not sending your kid to a gifted program won’t eliminate his chances of success, my personal feeling is that supporting their talents as much as possible gives them the tools they need to really understand and use their giftedness. My youngest, who graduates on Sunday, has earned himself almost $50K in merit scholarships this year – he loves to study hard, and sees the benefit of application. I believe some of this is from teachers supporting his intense curiosity in science and math, and helping him to go as far as he possibly can with it.

Sorry for the novel.

[Veronica]

I enjoyed the novel.

V.

[Irulan]

I enjoyed the novel.

V.

V- I was so happy to hand my kids off to their teachers! After all these folks are specialists in dealing with gifted kids, and they knew what to do with them.

Unless you've ever locked yourself into a bathroom to get away from a small child with insatiable curiosity you may not know what I am talking about.

[trickytiger]

I was lucky enough to get to participate in a one-day-a week program as a child (we moved to the state too late for me to get into the full-time program), and I can honestly say it pretty much saved me. I was shy, shy, shy, and a little socially awkward. Being an athlete saved me socially, but in terms of friends and a supportive learning environment, that one-day-a week challenge program paid off well. I learned to deal with the change in schools. Plus, twenty years later, I still have some of the same friends I met back then.

[frnz]

Based on my personal experience, I'd say go for it. It might be difficult for your kid, but learning how to adapt will most likely only help him. I kind of think switching schools every now and then is good for a kid, especially when college rolls around and he suddenly has to learn to make friends. Or it would have been good for me, anywho.

[shootingstar]

what wonderful advice here!

let him be a kid! he's at the 98th percentile because of what he's doing at home. so keep doing that and let him enjoy school. Not going into a gifted program now isn't going to keep him out of Harvard!

If he was excited about it, i'd have a different opinion.

Not knowing his age at all, he SEEMS quite young just based on his behaviour and still needs considerable adult support to feel content and confident...no matter how smart he is.

No need to rush into placing him further up ..if he already has some good teachers and 1-2 good friends. Hope he will latch upon an extra-curricular activity that he can have fun and learn lots from also.

This whole thread made me realize just what type of factors...may actually never reveal a gifted child.