LOL.
KG - do they do bike fittings from scratch at the Bike Barn in Penticton? If you could find out what geometry would work best for you then you can buy what you want (based on materials, components etc) by ordering it in and know that it's going to work. The bike might need a little tweaking by trading out a few parts but it could happen. There is also a website called
wrench science, where once you make an account you can plug in your numbers in their fit system (located along the menu at the top of the webpage) and it will give you good guidance for what you should be looking for in terms of reach etc. I used this to help find my last bike.