He didn't do a thing for my 30th birthday!

[kelownagirl]

I always plan my own birthdays and we talk about what I want to do, especially for a special birthday. We always talk about what we want for our birthday/Christmas to so there's no guessing game to play. Neither of us wants to guess what to buy, or have to pretend we like was was bought. This year we bought each other Rudy Project sunglasses (our birthdays are a month apart). Last year, we bought matching Garmins.

I'm sorry you feel so crappy but at the same time, I can understand his position. I think you need to be up front about your expectations and at least give some hints about what you want.

[Savra]

I think it's a guy thing. My last boyfriend was similiar. My neighbor's husband recently just refused to do anything for her birthday even after she went all out for his. It was weird. He is usually so thoughtful but when it came time for her birthday he just became a complete ***. They didn't talk to each other for a few days and seem fine now. I think overall she is choosing to accept him for the good and bad all wrapped up into one.

[redrhodie]

Today I said to dbf, "You know, my birthday is monday. Go get me something." Off he went. He asked me to come with him, and pick something out, and I said no. I told him I want an actual present (not a gift certificate, etc), and I want it on monday, and I don't want to know how much it cost. As much as he should be able to, he can't read my mind, so I also told him which store I like, and that I really could use a messenger bag. Now he thinks the messenger bag was his idea (if he caught my subtle hint). Probably it will be a messenger bag, but that may have gone right over his head, and it really could be a surprise. Those are good, too.

We've been together for 17 years. He's never forgotten or not done anything for my birthday. Try this technique next year. It works well. Not sure there's much you can do about this year now. Forgiveness is probably your best option.

[jobob]

LOL redrhodie, well done! Here's hoping you get something goooood.

And milkbone, let me chime in happy birthday wishes as well. Really sorry it didn't go according to plan, but maybe he'll get the hint better next time - altho it may involve having to be subtle as a sledgehammer.

[mimitabby]

a lot of good posts here. My DH will never forget my Bday because it's 5 days before his and he likes to crow about how we're the same age for 5 days.

I think you have to evaluate this guy. Does he do his share? is he kind to the kids? Does he cheat, lie?
Maybe he's not the romantic type. Can you live without that?

Next time TELL him what you want or expect. All you had to do was say " oh, how about like what i did for your birthday 2 years ago?" and if he doesn't remember what that was, then you refresh his memory.

After being married for 30 years, one of the biggest lessons I have learned (still learning) is that my husband is not a mind reader. He TRIES, he reallly does, but he just CANNOT do it.

If he's worth it, get over your hurt feelings (caused by your own expectations) and get on with life. it's far too short to waste your time nursing hurt feelings.

and happy birthday. 30 is a really heavy year, lift it with dignity, you're a grownup now.

[silver]

Happy Birthday!

I don't think it's just a man thing. It may have to do with his family upbringing. some families don't really make a big to do about birthdays. Mine didn't. I'm not big on celebrating birthdays or any holidays for that matter. It's a huge effort for me to "celebrate" others birthdays. I never feel that what I have done is adequate.

well, I really have no point here, just offering perhaps another point of view.

[milkbone]

Well, I attempted to talk to him and boy have things done a 180, I tried to explain I was hurt whether or not it was intentional and then he told me he's "bored", there wasn't any clues to what the heck is going on or something was even close to wrong, we've been in committed relationship, lived together, he's been a great father figure for my boys, he has put alot of committment towards my house, physical labor and financial, we just bought a big patio set just a week ago. He told me he's bored, and tells me "yeah, I love you, but I'm just bored" I can't see how in the world he is bored between work, the boys, cub scouts, soccer, we volunteer on a rescue squad, road and mtn bike, kayak etc.... He also made the statement that I would need to change my personality - according to him this all just happened and he didn't relize any of it.
I'm assuming our relationship is over and I'm just waiting for him to finally say it, I don't want it to be over, and I love him, and am just plain miserable, but it just seems he doens't want to be here now for whatever reason.
I began crying again this morning, and tried to talk to him, (not argue by any means) and he went off the deep end yelling at me and slamming stuff telling me to stop arguing and twisting everything he's saying around, I tried to tell him I'm not trying to twist things around I'm trying to figure out what the heck is going on and why did this happen all of sudden? He says he didn't even relize it, and left in a storm....


Thanks, ladies, for the words of encouragement, you've brought smiles to my tear streaked face.

[redrhodie]

(((((milkbone)))). Hope it turns out okay for you.

[sundial]

Milkbone, I'm really sorry.

[Blueberry]

((((((milkbone))))))))

I think it's time to treat yourself for your birthday. Do something kind for you.

Wish I had words of wisdom to offer, but I don't

CA