Dear So and So

[Andrea]

Dear Mom,

Thank you for pointing out that I am already getting wrinkles just a few months before my 27th birthday. I use sunscreen and moisturizer religiously. Don't forget, you adopted me, so I don't have the "awesome skin" genetics that you, your mother, and her mother have(had) that allow you to look half your age at any point in life when your only idea of skincare is an evening smearing of Vaseline on your face followed by wiping it with a tissue to take your makeup off.

Just for that, when my hair has made its full conversion to gray (which has already begun and should only take another couple of years), I'm going to let the black dye grow out so everyone will know that you and your mother both color your hair (as if it isn't already obvious that 63 and 84 year old women with dark brown hair aren't natural).

Andrea