Hubby is mad that I won't ride......

[Kalidurga]

"Thanks julie once the computer gets fixed ill show her. also thanks Eden, I use looks and have always used them but i was wondering if theres are some pedals that are easier to get in and out of as far as shoes sounds like mountain bike will work for her. and the speed plays look easier . just trying to make everything comfortable for her so she wont wanna quit"

OK, so this is a cut and paste from GeorgiaGirl's hubby when he was asking about which pedals might be best.

So...there isn't much more important than not having one's clitoris or other genitalia screaming in pain while riding, to promote sticking with cycling.

And here I go again with the blasphemy...

While I am totally addicted to cycling, and I can understand wanting to share what you love with your partner, hubby needs to understand that not everyone shares our love of this activity. It's very admirable that he's trying so hard to make things comfortable for her, but he has to also allow the option for her to quit if she chooses to. Maybe I'm reading too much into that little snippet above, but making someone feel as if they have to enjoy your favorite activity is a potential recipe for disaster.

GeorgiaGirl, you've gotta decide for yourself whether or not cycling's something you want to do. If it is, then you've gotten some great advice here to help you get going.

[Trek420]

Adding to the "Hey Hubby" blurbs "Hey DH, let's see how far you ride with sandpaper on the chamois and a few paper clips on choice sensitive areas".

Have you tried "not tonight dear,that saddle is just soooooooo uncomfortable I'm in pain". You'd probably wake up to a selection "here, I got you a dozen different top TE rated saddles. Let's try each till we find the one that's 'love at first sit"

[MM_QFC!]

Adding to the "Hey Hubby" blurbs "Hey DH, let's see how far you ride with sandpaper on the chamois and a few paper clips on choice sensitive areas".

Have you tried "not tonight dear,that saddle is just soooooooo uncomfortable I'm in pain". You'd probably wake up to a selection "here, I got you a dozen different top TE rated saddles. Let's try each till we find the one that's 'love at first sit"

after first wincing at the initial word picture, owie! - I had to hold onto my desk to not be ROTFLMAO in ze office! Good one, Trek - thanks for the grin and you got your point across oh so subtly too

[shootingstar]

Best to drop by LBS yourself and try a different saddle. There's no point trying to convince him otherwise ..when he doesn't have your anatomy. Hopefully you have a receipt for a swap???

A LBS would give the most objective opinion from their perspective..on how often people do come back to try different saddles.

And do some rides yourself on that great bike...you need to build up your endurance, literally and mentally so that you can enjoy rides with him.

I could never be comfortable on my partner's saddle, it's a red hot little Italia..line..narrow profile..

[singletrackmind]

Sneak a woman's saddle onto his bike, that should cover any and all questions he has concerning why you might feel the way you do about inbetweens pain!

One of my best friends bought a bike with a saddle too wide, kept complaining he felt like he was being split apart, couldn't go more than 10 miles in complete agony. My bike came with a narrow saddle and I was really really really unsittably sore after 20 miles.
We switched and happily rode many many miles off into the sunset.

[mimitabby]

and my DH says "If it affects our sex life, I will SHRED IT!!!!! Personal comfort above all else.

(and you can share THAT with your TE girlyfriends). "

[shootingstar]

and my DH says "If it affects our sex life, I will SHRED IT!!!!! Personal comfort above all else. "

Pretty key, don't you think for preserving a long-term joint cycling-marriage?

[Aggie_Ama]

and my DH says "If it affects our sex life, I will SHRED IT!!!!! Personal comfort above all else.

(and you can share THAT with your TE girlyfriends). "

Mimi your husband is always the voice of reason.

[KnottedYet]

GeorgiaGirl - does he let you have friends? Maybe you could take a friend to the LBS with you when you go. Being completely dependent on your DH for every aspect is perhaps not the best way to proceed, especially considering the differences in anatomy, interest, skill level, and motivation.

I've worked with far too many women in unbalanced domestic power situations. Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

[Zen]

Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

+1 to that.
Once you get a comfy saddle, go out on your own. Ride where you feel safe. Maybe explore a new neighborhood, choose a destination where you can go have a cup of tea and let your mind relax. You never know what's out there.

[Starfish]

I've worked with far too many women in unbalanced domestic power situations. Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

+1. Knot, thanks for being explicit. So true. It is better for both.

[SadieKate]

GeorigaGirl (please note the spelling intentional or not) said:

Take it easy on him girls he's sensitive...

Thanks for all the advice and I will take it to heart and hopefully I'll be able to come back and tell you all about my great rides!!

At this point many, many people had given her some great pointers on finding a new saddle and some encouragement, support and ways to help hubby understand.

Then we progressed to discussions of their relationship rather just tools for communication. She not only did not ask for relationship counseling but her participation in the thread appears to have ground to a halt, even though she was on the forum early this morning.

GeorgiaGirl - does he let you have friends? Maybe you could take a friend to the LBS with you when you go. Being completely dependent on your DH for every aspect is perhaps not the best way to proceed, especially considering the differences in anatomy, interest, skill level, and motivation.

I've worked with far too many women in unbalanced domestic power situations. Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

Next we have someone declaring that he did call her a b**** not to mention the completely weird comment about her lack of finding a saddle being indicative of her true desire to cycle.

So many members grabbed on and were off and running presuming the worst without feedback or personal knowledge of GeorigaGirl herself.

sounds like you need to do two things:

1) tell your husband you don't like being called a b**** just because you don't want to ride
2) tell him to appreciate his wife for who she is... and not who he wants her to be

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked. I somehow think the saddle is not the real issue here

As far as hubby, he clearly identified that he was using her member log-in. He didn't hide anything about his identity. And we've let other men do that without comment.

How about we address her questions and not assume the worst of him?

[chicago]

sounds like you need to do two things:

1) tell your husband you don't like being called a b**** just because you don't want to ride
2) tell him to appreciate his wife for who she is... and not who he wants her to be

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked. I somehow think the saddle is not the real issue here

[SouthernBelle]

My story wasn't intended to be the answer to all her problems.

& my SO would only call me a ***** once.

[Starfish]

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked.

Can't agree here. I love cycling, and have been at it for about 4-5 years now. I'm still dialing in just the right saddle.

SO, don't let the saddle problem discourage you. Its a great sport, so focus on first being able to ride pain free. Then find a peer group that will help you get stronger. Then you will be strong enough to go on rides with DH where he isn't going all out but you'll be able to ride fast enough that he'll still be able to enjoy it.

Great advice!