Hubby is mad that I won't ride......

[Wahine]

Gnat beat me to it. I am firmly against with holding sex (mostly because I would suffer more) but I have used that line when justifying a new saddle purchase or fit adjustment. And not because I'm being manipulative but because I simply could not tolerate sex because of chaffing and pain. One thing I can say for sure is that he stops bugging me about spending money on a saddle when I bring the topic up.

[Starfish]

So, your hubby posts here on TE? What, pray tell, is his user name?

And, +1 here to so many things already mentioned: bike fit, new saddle, etc. You do not need a controlling husband's permission to go try out as many saddles as it takes to find the right one for you.

[mimitabby]

So, your hubby posts here on TE? What, pray tell, is his user name?

And, +1 here to so many things already mentioned: bike fit, new saddle, etc. You do not need a controlling husband's permission to go try out as many saddles as it takes to find the right one for you.

finally someone asks the question we all want to know!!


btw, Welcome to TE! as you can see, we're a lively bunch filled with great ideas and experience, and we're on YOUR side.

[Starfish]

"Thanks julie once the computer gets fixed ill show her. also thanks Eden, I use looks and have always used them but i was wondering if theres are some pedals that are easier to get in and out of as far as shoes sounds like mountain bike will work for her. and the speed plays look easier . just trying to make everything comfortable for her so she wont wanna quit"

OK, so this is a cut and paste from GeorgiaGirl's hubby when he was asking about which pedals might be best.

So...there isn't much more important than not having one's clitoris or other genitalia screaming in pain while riding, to promote sticking with cycling.

[mimitabby]

OH, he posted using HER user name.

[sgtiger]

Hi GeorigaGirl94! Welcome to TE and the world of cycling! I'd definitely take the advice of others about getting professionally fit on your bike as pain in your girly bits can indicate more than just the saddle being not right for you and should not be ignored or scoffed at for that matter. Besides the immediate problems of being extremely uncomfortable(and I've been there - Ooh, ow, ow! Absolutely not FUN! ), there are some health issues that may arise from it. The friction and pressure from the saddle rubbing may leave you more vunerable to UTI's and yeast infections. Then there's damage of soft tissue and nerves, some of which may be irriversible. These are only a few of the things that come to mind of problems expressed by other riders. So PLEASE listen to your body: it is trying to tell you something and it couldn't make itself more clear!

More important than the saddle issues; however, is communication. It's absolutely key in cycling. This is true for anyone with whom you may ride, but especially true IMHO when riding with your partner. And honoring what each of you has to say is part of good communication. It's really not a bad skill set to have off the bike too. I understand the fustrations of starting out when one partner is more experienced than the other(I'm in your shoes-DH has been cycling for years and my interest didn't pique 'til last year, and I'm kinda a homebody too), and it's only compounded when that partner puts too many expectations on the other. This is a time that the both of you need to exercise lots of patience.(Something I'm not always good at. )

While it's commendable thay you and your DH want to find an activity to spend more quality time together, make sure that it's one that you both enjoy. Quality time should be fun and used to build a stronger, healthier relationship.

~Soo

[Kalidurga]

"Thanks julie once the computer gets fixed ill show her. also thanks Eden, I use looks and have always used them but i was wondering if theres are some pedals that are easier to get in and out of as far as shoes sounds like mountain bike will work for her. and the speed plays look easier . just trying to make everything comfortable for her so she wont wanna quit"

OK, so this is a cut and paste from GeorgiaGirl's hubby when he was asking about which pedals might be best.

So...there isn't much more important than not having one's clitoris or other genitalia screaming in pain while riding, to promote sticking with cycling.

And here I go again with the blasphemy...

While I am totally addicted to cycling, and I can understand wanting to share what you love with your partner, hubby needs to understand that not everyone shares our love of this activity. It's very admirable that he's trying so hard to make things comfortable for her, but he has to also allow the option for her to quit if she chooses to. Maybe I'm reading too much into that little snippet above, but making someone feel as if they have to enjoy your favorite activity is a potential recipe for disaster.

GeorgiaGirl, you've gotta decide for yourself whether or not cycling's something you want to do. If it is, then you've gotten some great advice here to help you get going.

[Trek420]

Adding to the "Hey Hubby" blurbs "Hey DH, let's see how far you ride with sandpaper on the chamois and a few paper clips on choice sensitive areas".

Have you tried "not tonight dear,that saddle is just soooooooo uncomfortable I'm in pain". You'd probably wake up to a selection "here, I got you a dozen different top TE rated saddles. Let's try each till we find the one that's 'love at first sit"

[MM_QFC!]

Adding to the "Hey Hubby" blurbs "Hey DH, let's see how far you ride with sandpaper on the chamois and a few paper clips on choice sensitive areas".

Have you tried "not tonight dear,that saddle is just soooooooo uncomfortable I'm in pain". You'd probably wake up to a selection "here, I got you a dozen different top TE rated saddles. Let's try each till we find the one that's 'love at first sit"

after first wincing at the initial word picture, owie! - I had to hold onto my desk to not be ROTFLMAO in ze office! Good one, Trek - thanks for the grin and you got your point across oh so subtly too

[shootingstar]

Best to drop by LBS yourself and try a different saddle. There's no point trying to convince him otherwise ..when he doesn't have your anatomy. Hopefully you have a receipt for a swap???

A LBS would give the most objective opinion from their perspective..on how often people do come back to try different saddles.

And do some rides yourself on that great bike...you need to build up your endurance, literally and mentally so that you can enjoy rides with him.

I could never be comfortable on my partner's saddle, it's a red hot little Italia..line..narrow profile..

[singletrackmind]

Sneak a woman's saddle onto his bike, that should cover any and all questions he has concerning why you might feel the way you do about inbetweens pain!

One of my best friends bought a bike with a saddle too wide, kept complaining he felt like he was being split apart, couldn't go more than 10 miles in complete agony. My bike came with a narrow saddle and I was really really really unsittably sore after 20 miles.
We switched and happily rode many many miles off into the sunset.

[chicago]

sounds like you need to do two things:

1) tell your husband you don't like being called a b**** just because you don't want to ride
2) tell him to appreciate his wife for who she is... and not who he wants her to be

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked. I somehow think the saddle is not the real issue here

[SouthernBelle]

My story wasn't intended to be the answer to all her problems.

& my SO would only call me a ***** once.

[Starfish]

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked.

Can't agree here. I love cycling, and have been at it for about 4-5 years now. I'm still dialing in just the right saddle.

SO, don't let the saddle problem discourage you. Its a great sport, so focus on first being able to ride pain free. Then find a peer group that will help you get stronger. Then you will be strong enough to go on rides with DH where he isn't going all out but you'll be able to ride fast enough that he'll still be able to enjoy it.

Great advice!

[OakLeaf]

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked.

Well that's not necessarily true. Her husband isn't the only person out there telling women that fit doesn't matter or that they're just small men, and that attitude isn't unique to bicycling.

On saddle fit in particular, a lot of people, male or female, just don't know any better. Back in the '80s and '90s I rode for years with open sores on my nether regions. I was really into cycling, but I had no idea that different saddles fit differently or that I was supposed to try them on. When I got my first-generation Terry saddle (cut-out in the frame but not the cover) I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. A couple of years ago when I went on the retreat that sparked my return to cycling, I asked some of the group leaders about my problems with chafing, and not a one of them (experienced female triathletes all) mentioned saddle fit as a potential issue; they just told me about various lubes they used. When I got my new bike last year, I knew I needed a cutout, but that was it. I had no idea about saddle width, nose width, etc., until I started reading this board.

One of the things GeorgiaGirl said is that she really enjoyed riding except for the chafing. I don't see any reason to take the rest of what she said at face value, and not that statement.