totally off topic...but

[SadieKate]

The most important thing for her is that you act as normal as possible. Talk about her MS, be matter of fact and don't avoid conversations about normal or factual things. The other thing people do is cry, and think thats not ok... but sometimes its just fine. probably not useful if everytime you see her you burst into tears but if you cry with her occasionally, its probably what she needs.

Good advice, RoadRaven. The friends that greet me with a tear in their eye and ask how I'm feeling in a tone of voice that makes it clear they're asking about the MS rather than just the general "how ya doing" drives me bonkers. Makes me think about the MS when I'd rather tell them about strong I feel from the TE Girl's hill training program and the wildflowers I saw over the weekend. For goodness sakes, I'm in better shape than most of them and I plan on staying that way. I don't want hide that I have it because I deal with the reality better if it is part of normal conversation, but I can't deal with hand-wringing either. Thanks for the words of wisdom (now, can you call my neighbor and tell her this?)

[massbikebabe]

you guys are the best!!!

I am going to pack up a goodie bag and head over there on my day off next week, (which is Tuesday). I am sure the "healing powers" of TE will help her immensly, (I know it does me). Her MS right now has significantly effected her ability to walk, which is something I know she does not want to give up no way no how. I think that she is afraid once she gives up something it is gone forever...and that may be true in this case. BUT, I make the best italian cookies, and choc. chippers so I am going to whip up several batches and bring them to her. I know that I could be dead on the couch but if there is cookies in the house my kids are good, and I am sure her 15 and 12
year old boys will be too!! I just want her to know that if pulling the moon out of the sky would cure her MS, I'd start on the ladder right now!!

karen

[RoadRaven]

Shes lucky to have a friend like you
I had an off-the-wall, silly, unserious idea as I read your post about her not wanting to give up biking... but if she has a sense of humour you should suggest/ play-threaten her with something like this if she has a down day...

Line up your cookies round the house and make her walk to get em --- kindve a chocolate MS treasure hunt...

Enjoy being with your friend tomorrow... I'm sre she'll love seeing you

[massbikebabe]

I didn't go today...

No I didn't chicken out...I called ahead and she feels to sick to be social. The steroids they have going are making her feel lousy.
I'll keep trying, and in the meantime I am shopping for cards, flowers, etc. etc.

karen

[SadieKate]

Darn! Did she sound like she would have accepted company otherwise? I'm just hoping depression isn't also taking over.

[massbikebabe]

Sadie:

I don't think she would have liked the company at this point. When I talked with her yesterday she was very, very, low...so I have been bombing her inbox with humorous e-mails all day...

karen

[SadieKate]

Maybe you could serenade her from outside her window.

[massbikebabe]

uhm Sadie...

you have never heard my less-then-perfect wobbling, plus the only songs
I know all the words to are dirty... Although I used to rock my kids to the song Ripple by the Grateful Dead...

karen

[SadieKate]

Isn't the point to make her laugh? Sounds like you could!

PS - post your joke to the humor section.

[snapdragen]

Please tell me you sent her the waxing thread!!!!!

[SadieKate]

Karen, how did it go? Have you seen her? I've been thinking about both of you.

Also, I can't find your name on the GreatMass whatever ride! What's the scoop? You going under a different name?

[massbikebabe]

Sadie;

I am going to have to call her tomorrow because she has not returned my e-mails, etc. Usually a bad sign when I don't hear.

As far as the MS ride goes we have not officially signed on yet, and do not think we are going to be able to. My son has goofed off in school and may end up in summer school for failing english. The only way to this boys brain is through his bike so we may use the ultimate in guilt trip...so sad we can't do the ride, if only you had studied, gee those folks could really use your help...etc. I know him, he's just like his mother, if I push his buttons it may strengthen his resolve to do better.

I'll pm you if I get to speak to her this weekend.

karen

[SadieKate]

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear on both counts. Tell goofboy I was all ready to send a little donation his way.

Please do keep me up to date. I was hoping when I came home I'd find some good news from you.

[betagirl]

First off you're a great friend to care so much. A lot of people get weirded out by people who are sick, so kudos to you. I don't have MS but I have crohn's disease, which is a chronic incurable illness that has varying levels of impact on your life. So I hope I can shed some light on what it's like (at least for me) to deal with that. I think a lot of people who have a chronic illness worry that they're going to be a burden, and if you friend was pretty autonomous before she got MS, accepting the disease and the limitations it can cause is probably pretty hard. It's really difficult to go from I can do everything myself to asking for help. I know I'm stubborn about things, and probably border on stupid when it comes to admitting I may just need to slow down and not do everything.

You got great advice about discussing the MS with her. Don't force the discussion obviously, but for me anyway it's nice to have people ask me about crohn's. I don't usually go too in depth, but I appreciate the interest. Again, I always worry about if I'm being too graphic or talking about a depressing topic too much. So while we want to share our story with our friends, we worry that we might scare them/bore them/etc. You never want to turn into "that friend" that's always whining or asking for favors. Again, speaking from my experience here. Everyone's different.

Has she checked into support groups at all? Even an online discussion board can work wonders. If she's up to it of course. It's nice to be able to talk to other people who share the same illness and learn from them. Anyway, to sum it up you just being there for her is huge. She may get frustrated and try to not let you help, but understand it's nothing personal. Being open minded and flexible will help her understand you're not just there for a pity party that will eventually lapse, but you're just there to be her friend and help her when she needs it.

On an aside, I'm doing the MS150 in IL this year. I'll put in a few miles for your friend

[SimpleCycle]

I don't really have much to add to what others have said, except to emphasize that you may need to go over even if she's "not feeling up to it" if she's withdrawing. It could be depression, or grief, or physical illness that are causing her to become withdrawn, but no matter what it is, this is when she needs you most.

I had a really rough time with depression once and really withdrew from my friends. I have a special place in my heart for the friend who just kept showing up. I felt incapable of connecting with other people, making the effort to be social, etc. and at the same time I felt very abandoned by my friends. One of my friends just wouldn't let me go - she would come to my place to show me something she was knitting (we've always been knitting pals), or to "visit a friend" who lived in my house, or just because she hadn't seen me in a while. She didn't abandon me. She didn't have any expectations of me - we could knit together, or talk, or just sit, or whatever - and I always knew I had a friend who cared. I really can't overstate how much her steadfast friendship helped me.