Getting over fear after getting hit

[Technotart]

Is there a safety course offered in your area?

I second that - check www.bikeleague.org for courses and instructors in your area! It appears there may be, sometimes they just need someone to round up a group and they will teach a course. I HIGHLY recommend Road I!

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[Dianyla]

If he is still making this much fuss because of something that happened to him 14 years ago, I would speculate that that either:

a) Your DH needs some degree of counselling to deal with this past trauma.

b) Maybe this has nothing to do with the bike, and everything to do with control.

Yeah, riding a bike is dangerous. So is driving a car, walking across the street, and so many other things associated with living. He needs to get over it.

[Mr. Bloom]

Welcome spec&trek...I'm one of the token males who hangs out here...along with my wife Silver - who was in a severe wreck about 18 months ago.

I'm not going to take a side in this, because you're both equally right.

Having said that, I will offer my perspective...that I don't think is gender biased. Because we have similar issues to reconcile here, Silver suggested I respond.

It's great that you want to ride again and I don't think that you're being wreckless to want you or your family to ride bikes. It's also reasonable for him to have genuine concern for his family's safety and well being...

I think there are two issues here:
- mutual respect (as Dianyla describes as "control"): He feels offended that you're not sensitive to his fear and you feel offended that he's imposing his fear on your freedom. I think that this can be reconciled over time, but right now, it seems that there's a gap (and each of you has turned the other way, folded your arms tight and tapping your toe waiting for the other one to change) I really mean that sincerely and with no disrespect
- his somewhat rational fear and concern: this is where I think the bikeleague courses are a great idea

You know, as I re-read this, I've really just ditto'd Dianyla...but she just said it with fewer words...the true mark of wisdom

So, I agree with Dianyla However,I'd just suggest that you not tell him to "get over it", but rather talk and work with him so that he'll get more comfortable over time. Time and good experience nurture comfort.

[tulip]

I think Mr. Silver and Danylea (sorry, wrong name) are both right. I also think that it's a very big job for you alone. Counseling is a very good idea.

[pinkychique]

Congrats on getting back on the bike!

I agree with many of the above, but I think that counseling in some form is going to be really really helpful. It sounds so much like PTSD, and that is something that really needs professional help.

He doesn't have an irrational fear, but learning to not need to control everything, that in effect nothing is in anyone's control, would help him to move past his accident and his fear of you and your children being hurt.

Best of luck

[PscyclePath]

To second what Oakleaf and Techno-Tart mentioned, going to one of the League Road I courses might be a good start; since Road I basically covers traffic skills and defensive cycling.

One thing that we do here locally to ease folks into urban cycling are the "Critical Manners" rides once a month, where we get together and do a ride under supervision (LCIs at the front and back of the group) in early evening downtown traffic, stopping along the way at a local restaurant for supper or snacks, then looping back to the starting point.

I used to be deathly scared of heights. I got it literally beaten out of me in ROTC and the officer training classes, where they made me not only climb up all that stuff, but then jump off of them when I got to the top. I can't speak to the gentleness of the method, but it certainly worked by making you face and ultimately overcome your fears.

Tom

[Spec&TrekGirl]

Thanks for all the encouragement and advice! I followed the link to bikeleague and the Road I course looks like an excellent idea - for both of us hopefully. I know I wasn't exactly a defensive or safe rider back in my teens/twenties. I wasn't aware that there were classes like this available.

I'm not sure how I came across this forum, I think its really great, especially for those of us not involved in a local group of riders. Thanks for all the welcoming comments!

Took my first 20 mile ride yesterday and can't wait to get back on the bike! Even though its only supposed to be in the 30's I might have to take another ride today.

I'm really hoping I can get him to try a road bike again even if we stick to the bike trails as they are plentiful around here. It's just so fun!

[elk]

Welcome spec&trek...

- mutual respect (as Dianyla describes as "control"): He feels offended that you're not sensitive to his fear and you feel offended that he's imposing his fear on your freedom. I think that this can be reconciled over time, but right now, it seems that there's a gap (and each of you has turned the other way, folded your arms tight and tapping your toe waiting for the other one to change) I really mean that sincerely and with no disrespect
.

I'm going to print this out and hang it on my wall!!!!