Dear So and So

[Pax]

Dear Close Friends,

I want to take a moment to heartily thank each and everyone of you for not getting married! I consider myself blessed to have avoided attending a wedding for the last 25 or so years.

Thanks again!!
Queen

[Tuckervill]

You know, Indy, maybe you should just be a "guest" at the wedding. Make up something. Bridezilla and rich bridesmaid would be ENOUGH to have me making excuses. You don't have to make it about your moral dilemma. Make it about how you are too stressed out by your own life to be anything more than a guest.

Sometimes sisters don't get along, you know?

Karen

[indysteel]

Sometimes sisters don't get along, you know?

Given that I haven't voluntarily spoken to my real sister in over four years, that's very true. All of you have given me food for thought. I appreciate your comments and advice.

[deedolce]

Dear self,
I wish you weren't such a baby. I know you got smacked in the nose by your partner with the tennis ball. I know it bled from both sides and your neck is sore. But it really, truly, didn't hurt that bad after a while. You let your whole game slide, and you guys lost all 3 sets. Oh please. And then you felt like crying nearly a set later because it was upsetting. You're almost 50! I would think you would have toughened up a little bit by now!


Dear ex-online interest,
Why are you writing me again? Telling me all of the fun, mid-life crisis things you've been up to? Why do I still think about you too much?



Dear all ex's;
Why do you either a) grow your hair long or b) get a motorcycle after we break it off? I'm getting a complex...

~me

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Dear A-hole brother of mine,
Last time you started screaming and cursing me and hanging up the phone on me a few years ago, our mother was alive and well, and when she got sick and slowly deteriorated, you and I still needed to occasionally communicate in order to discuss necessary things concerning her and family matters. We somehow maintained a strained phony friendly facade with each other. It wasn't easy, believe me.

However, now that she is resting in peace I no longer have any need to put up with your control-freak toxic anger and a-hole-isms. Thus, when despite my quiet plea to continue to talk things out on the phone this evening so that we could each express our thoughts in turn and somehow reach an understanding and a compromise regarding the latest fiasco, you flew into another inappropriate rage and cursed and yelled and hung up on me again.
I am blessed to have my sweet DH to comfort me after your insane outburst.

Well.... I simply don't NEED someone like you in my life anymore, regardless of being related to you. Go yell at yourself from now on. It's no coincidence that your older son has refused to see you or speak to you for the past 2 years. He had enough of your b*llsh*t too.
I'll stick with my other brother- who is a kind and loving human being (as are most of the other people in my life), thank you very much. And for you.... here's a free one way ticket to Palukaville. Bon voyage.

[IFjane]

.... here's a free one way ticket to Palukaville. Bon voyage.

Lisa- {{{{HUG}}}}

I have no surviving brother to feel that way about - thankfully - but my soon-to-be-DH does, and we would love to send him to Palukaville as well.

Take care, hang in there, be strong and DON'T LET HIM GET TO YOU!

[Velobambina]

Lisa---Sounds like you are doing the right thing for yourself. Having toxic siblings myself, I know it isn't easy but it's for the best to know when to let go.

[indysteel]

Dear A-hole brother of mine,
Last time you started screaming and cursing me and hanging up the phone on me a few years ago, our mother was alive and well, and when she got sick and slowly deteriorated, you and I still needed to occasionally communicate in order to discuss necessary things concerning her and family matters. We somehow maintained a strained phony friendly facade with each other. It wasn't easy, believe me.

However, now that she is resting in peace I no longer have any need to put up with your control-freak toxic anger and a-hole-isms. Thus, when despite my quiet plea to continue to talk things out on the phone this evening so that we could each express our thoughts in turn and somehow reach an understanding and a compromise regarding the latest fiasco, you flew into another inappropriate rage and cursed and yelled and hung up on me again.
I am blessed to have my sweet DH to comfort me after your insane outburst.

Well.... I simply don't NEED someone like you in my life anymore, regardless of being related to you. Go yell at yourself from now on. It's no coincidence that your older son has refused to see you or speak to you for the past 2 years. He had enough of your b*llsh*t too.
I'll stick with my other brother- who is a kind and loving human being (as are most of the other people in my life), thank you very much. And for you.... here's a free one way ticket to Palukaville. Bon voyage.

Lisa, as I indicated in a prior post from last week, I don't have a relationship with my toxic sister. It'll be five years in August since I chose to walk away. It was both the hardest and best decision of my life. She was sucking the life blood out of me. After years of trying to make it work, I finally admitted that it couldn't, at least not under terms that I could live with. I sought therapy when I made that decision--the other best decision of my life. I miss the idea of a loving, functioning sister but I don't miss her. Being freed from that relationship has allowed me to move forward in my own life.

I hope you also find peace in your decision.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Lisa, as I indicated in a prior post from last week, I don't have a relationship with my toxic sister. It'll be five years in August since I chose to walk away. It was both the hardest and best decision of my life. She was sucking the life blood out of me. After years of trying to make it work, I finally admitted that it couldn't, at least not under terms that I could live with. I sought therapy when I made that decision--the other best decision of my life. I miss the idea of a loving, functioning sister but I don't miss her. Being freed from that relationship has allowed me to move forward in my own life.

I hope you also find peace in your decision.

Indysteel,
Thank you for the encouraging words. I have found peace with it. I have thought about doing this a few times already over the years, but never acted on it. And eventually the long cycle would repeat itself.
This time, I waited 3 days after his angry phone outburst- talked things over with my wise and loving DH and waited 3 days to think carefully, cry, and think again before I responded to bully brother. Then I composed a calm email simply and clearly explaining why he would no longer be in my life, and that I wished not to be contacted by him at all anymore. The message was strong and clear. It was definitely time. I sent it off yesterday morning.

Immediately after hitting the "send" button, I felt strangely calm and peaceful. It felt right. I fully expect he will blame me (since he is never to blame) and thus I really don't expect to hear from him at all anymore. He knows that any attempted contact from him will be refused in any case.

I feel good that I made this decision and acted on it. It's really the healthiest thing both for me AND for him. Perhaps it will in a small way encourage him to finally seek help sooner rather than later.
I think you and I both realize that yes we do so fervently cling to the idea of having a loving sibling...it is such an irresistible idea...but these people simply would never be able to be that, no matter what we do or don't do to try to make that happen. Though a certain amount of change is possible when someone wants to change, we must give up the unrealistic and perhaps selfish fantasy of them becoming what we want them to be. If they are causing us nothing but unhappiness year after year, it eventually becomes time to put the relationship out of its misery.

...And who is to stop either you or I from someday symbolically "adopting" a new brother or sister from amongst our most cherished friends? I've never had a sister and the idea of this is very appealing in a lovely childlike sort of way.
I will keep my antennae out as I continue my journey through life.