Dear So and So

[indysteel]

Indy, i have a sister with a reallly really bad man picker. It did not matter when the whole family told her that mr wonderful #5 was a loser, she DID NOT WOULD NOT COULD NOT listen. She had to wallow in it with him and see for herself. Your friend is going to have to do that too.
In her case, it looks like this marriage will give her an easy way out of having to work too hard at bettering herself; she can focus on him instead. You don't HAVE to be at that wedding. Walk away.. like the other gals all said.

Mimi, I wish I knew how to do that. I've known this woman since 1988. We've been through a lot together, and I love her like a sister. I'd pay a heavy price for making a big statement. I hate to see her making what feels like a bad decision, but I feel like the best thing for me to do is pray that it turns out okay and to be there for her as best I can (after taking care of myself that is) if it doesn't. Who knows? Maybe it'll be a happy union. Or maybe Bill is a mistake she needs to make. I may sound harsh and judgmental in my previous posts on this subject (I needed to vent), but at the end of the day, I'm willing to admit that I really don't have the answers for how anybody other than myself should live their life.

[Pax]

Dear Close Friends,

I want to take a moment to heartily thank each and everyone of you for not getting married! I consider myself blessed to have avoided attending a wedding for the last 25 or so years.

Thanks again!!
Queen

[Tuckervill]

You know, Indy, maybe you should just be a "guest" at the wedding. Make up something. Bridezilla and rich bridesmaid would be ENOUGH to have me making excuses. You don't have to make it about your moral dilemma. Make it about how you are too stressed out by your own life to be anything more than a guest.

Sometimes sisters don't get along, you know?

Karen

[indysteel]

Sometimes sisters don't get along, you know?

Given that I haven't voluntarily spoken to my real sister in over four years, that's very true. All of you have given me food for thought. I appreciate your comments and advice.

[deedolce]

Dear self,
I wish you weren't such a baby. I know you got smacked in the nose by your partner with the tennis ball. I know it bled from both sides and your neck is sore. But it really, truly, didn't hurt that bad after a while. You let your whole game slide, and you guys lost all 3 sets. Oh please. And then you felt like crying nearly a set later because it was upsetting. You're almost 50! I would think you would have toughened up a little bit by now!


Dear ex-online interest,
Why are you writing me again? Telling me all of the fun, mid-life crisis things you've been up to? Why do I still think about you too much?



Dear all ex's;
Why do you either a) grow your hair long or b) get a motorcycle after we break it off? I'm getting a complex...

~me

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Dear A-hole brother of mine,
Last time you started screaming and cursing me and hanging up the phone on me a few years ago, our mother was alive and well, and when she got sick and slowly deteriorated, you and I still needed to occasionally communicate in order to discuss necessary things concerning her and family matters. We somehow maintained a strained phony friendly facade with each other. It wasn't easy, believe me.

However, now that she is resting in peace I no longer have any need to put up with your control-freak toxic anger and a-hole-isms. Thus, when despite my quiet plea to continue to talk things out on the phone this evening so that we could each express our thoughts in turn and somehow reach an understanding and a compromise regarding the latest fiasco, you flew into another inappropriate rage and cursed and yelled and hung up on me again.
I am blessed to have my sweet DH to comfort me after your insane outburst.

Well.... I simply don't NEED someone like you in my life anymore, regardless of being related to you. Go yell at yourself from now on. It's no coincidence that your older son has refused to see you or speak to you for the past 2 years. He had enough of your b*llsh*t too.
I'll stick with my other brother- who is a kind and loving human being (as are most of the other people in my life), thank you very much. And for you.... here's a free one way ticket to Palukaville. Bon voyage.

[IFjane]

.... here's a free one way ticket to Palukaville. Bon voyage.

Lisa- {{{{HUG}}}}

I have no surviving brother to feel that way about - thankfully - but my soon-to-be-DH does, and we would love to send him to Palukaville as well.

Take care, hang in there, be strong and DON'T LET HIM GET TO YOU!

[indysteel]

Dear A-hole brother of mine,
Last time you started screaming and cursing me and hanging up the phone on me a few years ago, our mother was alive and well, and when she got sick and slowly deteriorated, you and I still needed to occasionally communicate in order to discuss necessary things concerning her and family matters. We somehow maintained a strained phony friendly facade with each other. It wasn't easy, believe me.

However, now that she is resting in peace I no longer have any need to put up with your control-freak toxic anger and a-hole-isms. Thus, when despite my quiet plea to continue to talk things out on the phone this evening so that we could each express our thoughts in turn and somehow reach an understanding and a compromise regarding the latest fiasco, you flew into another inappropriate rage and cursed and yelled and hung up on me again.
I am blessed to have my sweet DH to comfort me after your insane outburst.

Well.... I simply don't NEED someone like you in my life anymore, regardless of being related to you. Go yell at yourself from now on. It's no coincidence that your older son has refused to see you or speak to you for the past 2 years. He had enough of your b*llsh*t too.
I'll stick with my other brother- who is a kind and loving human being (as are most of the other people in my life), thank you very much. And for you.... here's a free one way ticket to Palukaville. Bon voyage.

Lisa, as I indicated in a prior post from last week, I don't have a relationship with my toxic sister. It'll be five years in August since I chose to walk away. It was both the hardest and best decision of my life. She was sucking the life blood out of me. After years of trying to make it work, I finally admitted that it couldn't, at least not under terms that I could live with. I sought therapy when I made that decision--the other best decision of my life. I miss the idea of a loving, functioning sister but I don't miss her. Being freed from that relationship has allowed me to move forward in my own life.

I hope you also find peace in your decision.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

It sounds to me as though you and your longtime friend have drifted down different paths in life. Sometimes we have friends who fit perfectly into a certain time and place in our lives, but the same friend just doesn't drum to the same beat as we do anymore. When this happens it's good to let the friendship drift off, at least until it might gel again sometime in the future.
You could invest a whole lot more energy and angst in trying to keep things tight between you and your friend, but it sounds to me like she's determined to maintain her current projectory anyway. Do you really want to keep trying to get her straightened out? Is it even your job to do so? It would do her no real favor to put on a fake upbeat exterior and attend her wedding with inner negative feelings.
It might be hard to do, but not doing it will be harder in the long run....if I were you I would thank her and say I can't attend for personal reasons. If she presses you for more info, just say that though you wish her well, you feel you have both sort of gone down different paths. Let the chips fall where they may, at least you will be true to yourself.

[Wahine]

I'm glad you sent him to Palukaville Lisa. It was long coming.

[KnottedYet]

Yeah. What Wahine said.