Serious Issue: Advice for Dealing with Alcoholics

[newfsmith]

I quit drinking 29 years ago when a social worker told me that if I was found drunk again, I would lose my kids. I've had 1 glass of wine since that day. I can tell you that the craving never goes away, just slowly gets less intense. There are still days when I see booze billboards and feel like driving right into them. The craving is as real as hunger or thirst or feeling sleepy. You can't will it away, but you can do things to reduce it to a managable level, the equivalent of sucking on a hard candy or ice-cube, or sipping coffee. It is an ongoing life change that requires a lot of motivation, goals, and desire that has to come from within, as well as support from family. (By the way, I got sober before my Dad did.)

I would also urge you to go to Al-Anon to help you deal with the issues alcoholism in the family raise. I would also suggest that at your parent's age you have to accept that it is not a time of goal setting and changing. They have accepted that their goal is to drink themselves into the grave. You need to let go of the "saving them from themselves" attitude, and accept that you can only make sure that you are keeping them as safe as possible. Since they are in assisted living, you have gone about as far as you can with that. The only other thing you can do is to go the the manager of the facility and ask them to remind the employees that providing unauthorized alcohol to an alcoholic resident is unethical, a violation of their responsibility to help protect the resident; and if discovered probably grounds for dismissal.

Please go to Al-Anon for the support you need in understanding that loving your parents doesn't mean you are responsible for their failings. I'll be holding both of you, and your parents, in the light.

[Flybye]

http://www.amazon.com/Training-Famil...9029497&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Intervention-H..._sim_b_title_1

Either of these books might work. The second one has reviews but I didn't see any on the first book.

[Running Mommy]

Ohh silver family! The crosses you have had to bear this year are many! I so hope that 2008 is a better year for you.
I didn't read through all the responses, but I think Mimi's post was spot on.
At their age change isnt very likely.
I'd say just do the best you can, try to find out WHO the supplier is. - I'd be ALL over that facility!!
I'm sure you are tho!
Sigh.... I feel for you. My dad is an alcoholic, and his drinking angers me so that it makes me shake!
Best of luck, and we are all praying for you (well the entire silver family)

denise

[makbike]

Mr Silver-

I know from family experience you can't make someone stop drinking and face their issues until they are willing to do so. They have to want it. Talk to their health care team for they may have some sound advise to give. You most certainly can and should express your concerns to your parents but again they have to want to stop drinking and until they make that decision all you can do is continue to support them and love them.