Kids and itunes - advice please?

[Mr. Bloom]

Not that I have kids but even if it's his computer, I wouldn't let him have the administrator password.

I agree

My 14 yo is so afraid of seeing explicit pictures accidentally that he doesn't go anywhere online without me knowing about it. He is SO modest about that kind of stuff. I figure that will change eventually, but he has a history of only doing what he's ready for so I'm not too worried about it.

Ditto, 14 yr old SilverSon is almost prudish (right now).

But verified trust is golden:

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[Triskeliongirl]

I agree



Ditto, 14 yr old SilverSon is almost prudish (right now).

But verified trust is golden:

KeyStroke Logging Software

Wow, do you guys really do this kind of stuff? Don't you respect your kids privacy? Haven't you raised them to make good decisions on their own? What will they do when they are suddenly living at college if they've had no time to ease into personal responsibility? Are we really that different? We gave our kids the max degree of freedom we thought they could handle, with the expectation that with freedom comes responsibility. In turn they knew they had to bring home good grades, etc.

[kelownagirl]

Nope, I don't respect my kids' privacy in this case. Not when the porn and other stuff is so readily available. I had more of your attitude with my daughters (who are now grown) but I am stricter with my son out of experience. Yes I trust them but at the same time, curiousity or peer pressure can sometimes prevail. My son and his cousin were googling 'fart' and 'butt' a couple years ago and ended up a bunch of explicit porn sites accidently. One of me nephews was 3 years older and came running to tell us, but not before the 3 boys had had an eyeful of bestiality. If I can shield them from some of this stuff, I will, and I don't feel regretful about it.

To me privacy is more related to their email etc but even then, if I thought they were into something really 'bad" I'd check that too. My employer gives us the same caveat. Don't use the school email for anything personal because they can and will check it from time to time.

[Tuckervill]

Wow, do you guys really do this kind of stuff? Don't you respect your kids privacy? Haven't you raised them to make good decisions on their own? What will they do when they are suddenly living at college if they've had no time to ease into personal responsibility? Are we really that different? We gave our kids the max degree of freedom we thought they could handle, with the expectation that with freedom comes responsibility. In turn they knew they had to bring home good grades, etc.

My son has so much freedom he doesn't even have to go to school. We have a pretty transparent relationship, and we trust each other a lot, which includes honoring each other's privacy. I know his passwords, and he knows the ones of mine that are relevant to him (debit card PIN!). I do check his myspace on occasion, but again, he is so paranoid about seeing something he doesn't want to see (i.e., nudity) I don't worry about him seeking it out too much.

His computer is in his room. It is turned on only about once or twice a week. He's a very active kid so he doesn't sit around online or playing video games (unless it's Wii, which doesn't require a lot of sitting). What I do worry about is other kids who go in his room and want to get into trouble online on his computer. They only want to do that because they are not trusted or free at home, so they act up every chance they can. He's pretty good at re-directing them to other things, because he truly is uncomfortable with nudity. He usually comes down and asks me to be the bad guy and "make" them go outside. I'm happy to help him save face that way.

Before someone says I'm setting myself up or something like that, he's my youngest son, so I've been through all this before. My middle son DID look at porn online when he was 14. He was curious, and I think it is totally natural to be curious. (His little brother just isn't curious, yet.) However, we spent a lot of time researching how pornography damages women, and we created a dialog about it. There was no sense in me banning him from the computer or over-reacting, so long as he knew my point of view and he was willing to respect it. I know he's still a fan at 23, and he knows I don't like it, but he hasn't turned into some slobbering derelict over it, and in fact has a wonderful 4-year relationship with a great young woman. I'm very proud to say that all my sons confide in me nearly every day about things I could never say to my own parents, so I must be doing something right!

Karen

[Mr. Bloom]

Wow, do you guys really do this kind of stuff? Don't you respect your kids privacy? Haven't you raised them to make good decisions on their own? What will they do when they are suddenly living at college if they've had no time to ease into personal responsibility? Are we really that different? We gave our kids the max degree of freedom we thought they could handle, with the expectation that with freedom comes responsibility. In turn they knew they had to bring home good grades, etc.

From my view, we have a responsibility to protect our kids. I trust them to make good decisions, and that trust is most often affirmed. BUT, I do not expect them to make good decisions always...and that's where a parent's protection kicks in.

Until they are 18:
- privacy is a privilege, not a right,
- trust is earned, not given.

Have our kids earned our trust? Yes they have.
How have they earned it? By us observing what they do when they don't know we're watching.

SilverDaughter is 17 and I never check her stuff anymore...she's proven that she's her own person and doesn't require oversight.

SilverSon is 14 and has made good choices so far, but he is still young and impressionable.