Kids and itunes - advice please?

[kelownagirl]

Does anyone know if there are parental controls available for itunes? My 10 year old son got an ipod for Christmas and he wants to download games and videos etc. I know there's lots of garbage available out there and I would like to be disable any ability to download explicit stuff when I'm not there.

[Mr. Bloom]

Yes, in iTunes, go to "Help/iTunes Help" search "Parental" and you'll see different levels of control available

[OakLeaf]

From iTunes Help:

>Restricting access to explicit content in the iTunes Store
You can restrict access to explicit content in the iTunes Store so that others who use your computer can't preview or buy:
Items with a Parental Advisory Label (from the Recording Industry Association of America)
Movies that don't have a specific rating (from the Motion Picture Association of America)
TV shows that don't have a specific rating (from TV Parental Guidelines Monitoring Board)
To change access settings, you must be an administrator of your computer.
To restrict access in the iTunes Store:
Choose iTunes > Preferences, and then click Parental.
If necessary, click the lock and type your administrator password.
Select one or more of the checkboxes in the iTunes Store section (if necessary, choose a different country from the pop-up menu).
Click the lock.
Make sure you protect your password. Anyone who knows an administrator password for your computer can change parental settings.<

That said, there's obviously a lot of places besides iTunes where he can get explicit material and no way to control that besides garden-variety supervision.

[oxysback]

Thanks for the info!

DH and I got iPod Touches for Christmas and DD got my nano. Didn't think about parental controls!

[Irulan]

for grown ups, another option to manage your iPod is Winamp. Every single member of our family absoultely HATES iTunes for one reason or another. We don't buy music via iTunes; we just need to manage music libraries. I find the interface and general usage so much easier... just a thought.

[kelownagirl]

Thanks everyone! I went in a changed the parental controls - I had forgotten they were there in the prefs. It's his computer and he could change them, if he knew about them, but since he doesn't.... We had briefly discussed the issue and so I just told him that he actually won't be able to download any adult rated shows or explicit music because he's underage. He figured it was because he had put his birthdate when he registered his computer. I'll just keep letting him think that for now. I know there's lots of other inappropriate stuff on the net that he can get into but for the most part, I am able to keep a fairly close eye on what he does. It's a bit harder with the ipod because he can download stuff and sync it and it's not so easy for me to see.

[OakLeaf]

Not that I have kids but even if it's his computer, I wouldn't let him have the administrator password. There's just too much other trouble he could get into, even if he isn't really trying to. ("What happens if I type this here?")

[Tuckervill]

My 14 yo is so afraid of seeing explicit pictures accidentally that he doesn't go anywhere online without me knowing about it. He is SO modest about that kind of stuff. I figure that will change eventually, but he has a history of only doing what he's ready for so I'm not too worried about it.

I did use parental controls when he was younger, but mostly because of predators, not because I didn't trust him. I worry about some of his friends (girls AND boys) who post pictures of themselves in "attractive" poses. He's not allowed to show his face in pictures on myspace. The thought of some perv using his picture to get off just churns my stomach.

One time when my middle son (then 15) was at work at Wendy's, a guy handed him a business card. On the back of it was a picture of himself doing something bondage-related with a young looking person. It was an OFFER to my son. I turned it over to the police (it only had an email address on it). How sickening is that???

Karen

[kelownagirl]

Not that I have kids but even if it's his computer, I wouldn't let him have the administrator password. There's just too much other trouble he could get into, even if he isn't really trying to. ("What happens if I type this here?")

What an excellent point! I can't imagine why didn't consider that! Thank you for the most obvious suggestion!!

[Trek420]

My 14 yo is so afraid of seeing explicit pictures accidentally that he doesn't go anywhere online without me knowing about it. He is SO modest about that kind of stuff. I figure that will change eventually, but he has a history of only doing what he's ready for so I'm not too worried about it.

I work for da'phone company and that's the best thing I've heard.

The best parental controls are a set of parental eyes

I have had it up to here with folks calling in "my son/daughter/grandson/etc wants wireless web so s/he can have internet in his/her room". As an employee I can't say "Nooooo, don't do it".

But the computer should be where you can see it.

If the kid's using it for homework, where's the homework?

If they are surfing and saying "Mom, Dad check this out" that's cool. As a conversation piece, talking about music and art they see but know where they are surfing.

[Mr. Bloom]

Not that I have kids but even if it's his computer, I wouldn't let him have the administrator password.

I agree

My 14 yo is so afraid of seeing explicit pictures accidentally that he doesn't go anywhere online without me knowing about it. He is SO modest about that kind of stuff. I figure that will change eventually, but he has a history of only doing what he's ready for so I'm not too worried about it.

Ditto, 14 yr old SilverSon is almost prudish (right now).

But verified trust is golden:

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[Triskeliongirl]

I agree



Ditto, 14 yr old SilverSon is almost prudish (right now).

But verified trust is golden:

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Wow, do you guys really do this kind of stuff? Don't you respect your kids privacy? Haven't you raised them to make good decisions on their own? What will they do when they are suddenly living at college if they've had no time to ease into personal responsibility? Are we really that different? We gave our kids the max degree of freedom we thought they could handle, with the expectation that with freedom comes responsibility. In turn they knew they had to bring home good grades, etc.

[kelownagirl]

Nope, I don't respect my kids' privacy in this case. Not when the porn and other stuff is so readily available. I had more of your attitude with my daughters (who are now grown) but I am stricter with my son out of experience. Yes I trust them but at the same time, curiousity or peer pressure can sometimes prevail. My son and his cousin were googling 'fart' and 'butt' a couple years ago and ended up a bunch of explicit porn sites accidently. One of me nephews was 3 years older and came running to tell us, but not before the 3 boys had had an eyeful of bestiality. If I can shield them from some of this stuff, I will, and I don't feel regretful about it.

To me privacy is more related to their email etc but even then, if I thought they were into something really 'bad" I'd check that too. My employer gives us the same caveat. Don't use the school email for anything personal because they can and will check it from time to time.

[Tuckervill]

Wow, do you guys really do this kind of stuff? Don't you respect your kids privacy? Haven't you raised them to make good decisions on their own? What will they do when they are suddenly living at college if they've had no time to ease into personal responsibility? Are we really that different? We gave our kids the max degree of freedom we thought they could handle, with the expectation that with freedom comes responsibility. In turn they knew they had to bring home good grades, etc.

My son has so much freedom he doesn't even have to go to school. We have a pretty transparent relationship, and we trust each other a lot, which includes honoring each other's privacy. I know his passwords, and he knows the ones of mine that are relevant to him (debit card PIN!). I do check his myspace on occasion, but again, he is so paranoid about seeing something he doesn't want to see (i.e., nudity) I don't worry about him seeking it out too much.

His computer is in his room. It is turned on only about once or twice a week. He's a very active kid so he doesn't sit around online or playing video games (unless it's Wii, which doesn't require a lot of sitting). What I do worry about is other kids who go in his room and want to get into trouble online on his computer. They only want to do that because they are not trusted or free at home, so they act up every chance they can. He's pretty good at re-directing them to other things, because he truly is uncomfortable with nudity. He usually comes down and asks me to be the bad guy and "make" them go outside. I'm happy to help him save face that way.

Before someone says I'm setting myself up or something like that, he's my youngest son, so I've been through all this before. My middle son DID look at porn online when he was 14. He was curious, and I think it is totally natural to be curious. (His little brother just isn't curious, yet.) However, we spent a lot of time researching how pornography damages women, and we created a dialog about it. There was no sense in me banning him from the computer or over-reacting, so long as he knew my point of view and he was willing to respect it. I know he's still a fan at 23, and he knows I don't like it, but he hasn't turned into some slobbering derelict over it, and in fact has a wonderful 4-year relationship with a great young woman. I'm very proud to say that all my sons confide in me nearly every day about things I could never say to my own parents, so I must be doing something right!

Karen

[Mr. Bloom]

Wow, do you guys really do this kind of stuff? Don't you respect your kids privacy? Haven't you raised them to make good decisions on their own? What will they do when they are suddenly living at college if they've had no time to ease into personal responsibility? Are we really that different? We gave our kids the max degree of freedom we thought they could handle, with the expectation that with freedom comes responsibility. In turn they knew they had to bring home good grades, etc.

From my view, we have a responsibility to protect our kids. I trust them to make good decisions, and that trust is most often affirmed. BUT, I do not expect them to make good decisions always...and that's where a parent's protection kicks in.

Until they are 18:
- privacy is a privilege, not a right,
- trust is earned, not given.

Have our kids earned our trust? Yes they have.
How have they earned it? By us observing what they do when they don't know we're watching.

SilverDaughter is 17 and I never check her stuff anymore...she's proven that she's her own person and doesn't require oversight.

SilverSon is 14 and has made good choices so far, but he is still young and impressionable.