Trying to get out of my funk...

[Veronica]

... my favorite, self-medicating, is really not a good answer.

The last couple nights I have had a shot of Bailey's Irish Cream before going to bed. I wasn't sleeping well - waking up between 12 and 2AM and not being able to go back to sleep because I would just keep thinking. It seems to be zonking me out.

A better day today, my abs are sore already from the workout. I've been avoiding question/comment time in my classroom. Invariably one of my kids would ask me how she was doing. Today my avoidance strategy was to play a spelling game that the class loves. They actually made me laugh during the game.

I've been a bit terse the last few days with them. It's funny, in a sad way, how some of them just can't "read" other people at all and will ramble on at me about whatever. Then other kids are so aware and are like walking on egg shells. My two repeat girls from my combo last year knew on Thursday something was up and stayed after school to ask.

It's weird how I can write about her on the Internet and it makes me feel better. But I haven't been able to put anything down in my journal. I guess writing it on paper makes it too real.

When we lost our other two pets in 2003, I made a point of writing about Tilda in my journal. I knew I would want to go back and read about silly little things she did. I can't go there yet either.

V.

[sbctwin]

It does get easier but it takes time. When Kallie was struggling so much, I was selfish and didn't want to face her not being there anymore. When I let Katrina go, I had Tobydog and Kallie Kat, it was easier to let her go. When Toby died, I still had Kallie. But now, Kallie is gone. I haven't been able to get a new fur friend yet. I still 'feel' Kallie wandering the house. I find it so difficult to let them go and I struggle with the pain of making that decision and I know that is one of the reasons I haven't brought a new 4 legged friend into my heart and home. I will, one day. Veronica, I hope one day, you to will be able to open your heart to a fur-friend...

[snapdragen]

Veronica, give yourself time. When my first corgi, Rikki, died, it took me at least 6 months before I could finish the photo album I had started for her.

[LBTC]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Veronica}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Be easy on yourself. Let yourself grieve, rest, find a connection with the earth. It takes time, and you'll get there. It's so okay to be sad right now!

I'm sending you butterflies to help lift your heart. If you'd like to be on my list and get a picture a day in your email (I've heard they help to add a little ray of sunshine to a difficult day), PM me with your email address.

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~