Should I even respond??

[Running Mommy]

Some of you (KSH esp.) may know that my coach and I have had a very rocky going the last couple of months.
A few weeks ago he ASKED me when I was going to start IM training. I told him right after christmas. He flipped a nut and started going off about how there was NO WAY I would be ready in time, blah blah blah... And then the next day he left me a message that said "If you think you can be ready in 90 days for an IM, then call me the week between christmas and new years and I'll write something up"...
I deleted the message and said to myself 'bye bye little fly"... I really didn't care. I'm not out to win my AG or qualify for Kona. I just want to have a decent chance of finishing without worrying about cut offs. I've been working very hard since April to give myself that chance. One key way is to take off the lb's. and I'm doing that. The way I see it is the less ballast I have to cart around on the course, the better off I'll be.
I like to say that I'm building the foundation for my big build that starts in Jan. If I try to start building now I'll be burned out and sick by the time April comes around. I just don't have it in me to spend all weekend on the bike or running right now. IMO A 2-3 hour ride and a longish run is enough to keep the legs remembering what going long means.
And then there is that matter of all the OTHER things that are going on in my life right now...
So I get home tonight and I have an email from him that says this....

"fyi.with a 6 month training program I had 3 people in Kona
2 girls... one... won her age ,the other did a 11:37,and the guy pulled a
10:18..any questions??"

Thats all it said. Should I respond? Would you? A part of me wants to rip him one and remind him that he was SUPPOSE to be coaching my husband, that is what we paid him for (who he hasn't called in weeks) but that HE decided to take me on as well. And that my goals are not that. They are not qualifying for Kona. They are not winning my age group. I want to ENJOY the sport, and I don't have the drive to push myself like that.
Heck after last april I realized that I'm not even worthy of a Kona lottery slot. Not until I can handle the wind....But I digress.

So as much as I want to respond, I'm thinking that with his ego it would just slide over his head, or cause a big ordeal that I just don't have the time or energy to deal with right now.
Sigh.... I dunno??? The German in me doesn't want to let this go but I know I prolly should!

hmmm... what is that buddist chant my friends mom used to do again?? I need to align some chakras or something!!

[Zen]

What a jacka$$.
I'd respond by telling him he's fired.
You know what you need to do, you know you need some rest and mental health time. A coach that doesn't know that is not a very good coach in my book.
You have plenty of time to get to Kona and plenty of time to find a new coach by January.
Right now he's one more stress you don't need.

[Wahine]

RM I might respond if it makes you feel better. You can simply state that your life demands are such that you do not want any active coaching at present and that based on the last few communications you've had, you don't feel that you are a good match. That your goals are vastly different than the other athelets he's referred to, that you want to explore other options.

That way you fire him and might get some sort of message across at the same time. I really don't think that you should get tangled up with this guy again. Too much added stress. You need a coach that will lessen your stress level, not raise it.

[Tuckervill]

That message was all about him, not you. He's bragging. He wants nothing less than for you to train to win. In other words, he doesn't want what you want.

There's something to be said for a coach who is encouraging and pushes you beyond your limits. But if that's not what you're asking for, then it's not helpful at all. I think what Wahine said is right on.

On the other hand, there must be some potential he sees in you that you might not realize, or he wouldn't have been so pushy about coaching you, I think. He's obviously full of himself, but not without some merit. I think you should use that to inform your decisions about how you compete. (IOW, it's a compliment that he thinks so highly of you that he's willing to push you.) But fire him. He's not listening.

Karen

[mimitabby]

If you directly tell him you are not interested, he might go away.
and if that doesn't work, block his emails.

[LBTC]

RM, sending you butterflies to help deal with this guy in a way he understands (bluntly, seems to be the only option here), and in the diplomatic, peaceloving way that you like to afford to all people. There must be a balance in there! My gut says that you won't be happy until you have done so.....

Hugs and extra butterflies,
~T~

[indysteel]

What an a*@ hat. I'm not sure how IM coaches work, but if there's any expectation on his part to get paid, I would respond for no other reason than to terminate the relationship and whatever financial obligation you have to him.

Even when legitimately offended by someone, especially via email, I try to respond with civility if at all possible. Once the anger subsides, I'd rather be left with the knowledge that I handled myself maturely and professionally, even when the other party arguably doesn't really deserve it. As such, I would encourage you to write two responses: a nasty email to help you vent that you keep private (or post here) and a more courteous one that you send.

Good luck!

[spokewench]

You need to find a coach that is on the same page as you. Simply put, fire him and move on.

spoke

[mommelisa]

denise - i haven't been around much (you know, life... :-) ) but i read this and i had to respond.

you do NOT need that from your coach. his job is to make you feel good and prepared come raceday. his goals need to be aligned with yours NOT the other way around. plus, you know your body. you know what works. he should be taking clues from you when creating your schedule. there are so many good coaches here in town, or via the internet - you won't have trouble finding someone good and qualified to work with. let me know if you need any help at all, k?

dump that guy!

hugs!

[Zen]

On the other hand, there must be some potential he sees in you that you might not realize, or he wouldn't have been so pushy about coaching you,

Maybe, but I think you were right in your earlier assertion that "it's all about him" .
If RM took first at Kona then climbed Mt. Everest I think he'd still take the credit.

[KSH]

Ah.... the coach rears his ugly head again! HA!

Hey ladies, here is some insight to her situation:

1) They paid for this upfront for an entire year. So yes, she can fire him...but he has already been paid.

2) I believe, but I could be wrong... that her hubby is still working with the coach. So, there is a fine line of pulling away, but making sure her husband is still being coached. Which it doesn't sound like he's getting any attention at all.

As for responding to the email RM... I say ignore it. Don't respond. Only respond to him verbally. That way you will be less inclined to go off on him. Or if you do go off on him, you will TELL him what's up and he will back off of you.

Wow... this coach is a real doozy lady. I can't imagine having paid someone to be a complete d@ck to me. I'm even more shocked that you paid him and he thinks you want to qualify for Kona. Gosh, we only "talk" to you on this message board and we know more about your goals than he does.

[Kimmyt]

I don't know, I think you should respond. However, don't listen to that little devil on the shoulder. I think you should simply let him know, take all attitude out of your response, try to pretend like you are not furious at him for being a ****. Simply tell him what your goals are, that you have no interest in attempting to qualify for Kona or win your age group. Tell him that at this point in your life, that is not why you are doing IM. Then let him know that if he can write a plan that will allow you to reach your goal of going Iron, without fixing his own goals onto yours, that you may consider using his plan, but that you do not need to be bullied into doing somethign that you don't want and that might very well put you on the brink of burnout.

I will tell you this, it's da** hard enough to train (and I'm assuming 100s times harder to train for an IM) but to train while you feel like someone is forcing you to, that you're not training for your own reasons... I would think that would make it even tougher.

This guy is toxic (for you, at least, he might work for other folks), and you don't need that right now!

K.

[Grog]

To his "Any question?" you could reply something like "Where did you get the idea that you could talk to me like that?"

And he could learn to type before he sends anymore emails.

But honestly, you don't need him. No need to fire him an angry email, that would not do much. Just a polite response saying what others have said (different goals etc.) may get the message across...

Now when you go on your next ride he can be something to curse about as you climb up a local hill....

[knapplaura]

Denise,
I agree w/ Wahine...in a way that you won't regret, tell him that your goals and his methods are not compatible.

You have enough experience and are smart enough to get ready for this race on your own. You are obviously in tune w/your body and mind (more than the coach) and know what is right for you.

I advise you to follow your instincts and train the way you feel is right for you. Training should be an enjoyable part of the IM process, not a continuous torture for 6 months (or whatever). Everyone has different thresholds of what amount of training is best at different periods in their life.

When overall life stress is low, you can tolerate more training volume. I have observed this in myself. When I was working a relatively easy job w/no late nights, I could train 2-3 hrs per day in the week and 4-6 hrs on the weekend. When I took a job w/ alot more responsibility and later hours, I had to cut back my weekly training hours. I still improved my IM time by 1 hr.

I am sure you have Gordo's book, Going Long. That, plus the IM training primer on the Crucible Fitness website, are the basic training plan to get ready (in my opinion).

Sorry this is so long, but I support you to make the choice that will make you feel better about yourself.

Good luck,
Laura

[ChickWithBrains]

What do you pay a coach for?

1. Developing a training schedule that is manageable for you
2. Analyzing your progress and adapting the training to it
3. Helping YOU acheive YOUR goals

You pay your coach to work with you, not berate you, not yell at you, not send you emails that aren't first and foremost supportive of you. Your coach has failed. Upfront payment or no, your antagonistic relationship that's developed between you and this coach won't help you out as much as finding a new coach will. Ask for a partial refund, encourage your hubby to continue, and find yourself someone who will understand that life and training goals need to be meshed and that you're a human being who needs to be treated with respect.

(I have a recommendation for you if you're looking for a paid IM coach, PM me.)