Advice with Teenage Daughters & Piercings

[Tuckervill]

I see lots and lots of posts in response to this, so before I read them, I'll say this.

After she knows all the pros and cons of having a piercing there, and after she understands that you feel "played" in some way, then I'd say don't stand in her way.

It's just art. She's not you. Her body is not yours. The way she expresses herself is not in your control. She'll just wait and do it later.

We only think we have control over what our kids do, when in fact, we only have influence. If we insist on control, we eventually give up influence, too. If you want influence, you have to give up the idea you have control.

That's my standard young adult parenting advice. That, and the mantra, "They're going to be GREAT 25 year olds!"

It's true...my eldest turned 25 last week and he's just GREAT!

Karen

[bmccasland]

Silver & Mr. Silver,
If it isn't too late.
Quickly scanning through the naval piercing messages, I haven't seen anyone write in on something my cousin, the GP, has noticed in his practice. Gals with naval piercings and pregnancy don't go together very well at all. Apparently that growing belly stretches open the hole. And since the belly continues to stretch for 9 months, it becomes a difficult problem to manage. His recommendation is that no gal should EVER get a belly button piercing if she plans on having children. Not that 16-21 year olds think of these things.

So on his advice, don't pierce the belly button; or if nothing else, ask you family doctor.

Then again, I'm one of those boring people that has one ear piercing each, no tats, no other piercings. I happen to HATE needles, unless I'm sewing with them.

[violet]

as others said, at least she asked - not to mention, naval piercings are not generally on display (unlike a facial piercing, which may cause problems with employment) and have become one of the most common body adornment out there. if the girl in question is responsible, she shouldn't have any real problems with infection. what people fail to realize is that if you DO NOT TOUCH AN OPEN WOUND WITH DIRTY HANDS, you won't get an infection. most people basically don't take care of things and of course, problems arise.

as someone who worked as a piercing assistant for years, i highly recommend doing the research on the shop you go to (cheapest usually doesn't mean the best) and really instilling the fact that keeping the area clean (just use dial soap to clean off "crusty" fluids while in the shower anyway - no neosporin, ointments, lotions, etc....and NO PICKING) and comfortable (no waistbands resting on it during healing) are the best ways to heal any open wound.

also, some people are not ideally built for this piercing (the navel should be well defined - unfortunately, chubbier girls probably shouldn't get this piercing) and will probably face problems if they go ahead and get it anyway. the piercer should be able to help the client make that decision.

hope it worked out, either way.

[Kitsune06]

'Self Mutilation' is taking it a bit far. I believe that line stands where teens are damaging themselves for the sake of damage... a sign of deep depression.

Myself, I started with ear pierces and didn't have a single 'body' pierce until I was 18 and able to make that decision as an adult. True, I started 'stretching' my pierces at around 16, but no body pierces...

It may just be a trend, or it may be a genuine interest... I just wanted to point out that it's *very* far from self-mutilation, unless she's taking needles home and putting them through skin for the h*ll of it, or cutting herself in random slashes... piercing for aesthetics are different...

...but... it could be a good 'lesson' for her. Navel pierces are pretty darn painful. I mean really. If you wanted to say 'ok, but... it hurts' and look at BMEzine.com, pushed 12g for the pierce size (better healing, less tearing etc) it'd hurt a bit going in... but... if she wants a piercing, not just something to show off to her friends, that's what she's gotta be in for.
oh, and navels sometimes abcess a little, but it's not much to worry about. just KEEP IT CLEAN.

I say this after having had 12 pierces at the height of my 'career'... down to 10 now...

[RoadRaven]

Hard one - so many opinions.

Our attitude/stance has been that they can have ears pierced once they are 16.

Any other piercings as well as tattoos they have to wait til they are 18 - belly piercings, tattoos in this country have to have parent permission if under 18.

Our parental reasoning??? You are making a permanent alteration to your body and I believe you should have a more adult reasoning behind it and understand the consequences for life. I know some of these piercings will grow out if left - but belly piercings are more likely to infect, and face piercings - if you connect with something hard like a fist, the ground, a wall... will rip and bleed and scar.

Our children know our reasoning - not because we think piercings/tats are silly, or socially limiting or any of the other reasons listed in this thread. They know we have no objection to what they choose with their bodies, but they do know we want them to be old enough to be able to make a fully informed decision regarding their bodies. And I think they appreciate that.

[RoadRaven]

Oh... and I meant to say, Mr S... I think taking the line you are is the right one. Letting them know you don't agree, but allowing this to happen (as she doesn't need your premission to do it) is the right stance.

We need to pick our battles where we can - and as she can do this with or without you, best wishes

[CCinSC]

IMHO, I say let her pierce her navel. Heck, take her yourself so you can ask all of the parenting type questions--you know, the one's she'll forget. THEN nag her to make sure she takes care of it the right way!

One of 4 things will happen:
1. She will think you are the coolest and brag to all her friends and it will bring you closer together (no better way to bond with teenager than to be a cool but responsible parent).
2. She'll be completely embarrassed that you are taking her and chicken out.
3. She'll get it, agree with item #1 and become more self confident in who she is because you respected her decision for her own body
4. See #1 plus, eventually get annoyed at you for being the responsible parent by nagging her to constantly keep it clean etc and take the darn thing out!

Either way you go, the job is to be the parent first and help her learn her own path in life. GOOD LUCK, I'm not a teenage but was one a few short years ago. And I can tell you, a little personal choice freedom goes a long way to preventing the major rebellion!

[RoadRaven]

Heck, take her yourself

Psst... he already has decided on this...

[mtbdarby]

I want to know what Mr. and Mrs. Silver were doing in that shop themselves....hmmmm???? I think it's time to have a talk with those kids

[Trekhawk]

Silver & Mr. Silver,
If it isn't too late.
Quickly scanning through the naval piercing messages, I haven't seen anyone write in on something my cousin, the GP, has noticed in his practice. Gals with naval piercings and pregnancy don't go together very well at all. Apparently that growing belly stretches open the hole. And since the belly continues to stretch for 9 months, it becomes a difficult problem to manage. His recommendation is that no gal should EVER get a belly button piercing if she plans on having children. Not that 16-21 year olds think of these things.

So on his advice, don't pierce the belly button; or if nothing else, ask you family doctor.

YIKES
I had never really thought about that. Hmm that is a little scary.

Trekhawk who had a huge belly when pregnant.

[Dianyla]

Well, I'm going to assume that SilverDaughter isn't going to be pregnant anytime soon.

Again - piercings are removable. When I had my navel piercing, I knew that I might have to remove it at any time for a lot of reasons... pregnancy, laparoscopic surgery, emergency appendectomy, etc. etc. Same goes for the nipple and other girly piercings. Those will most likely get retired if I ever choose to bear children someday. At that point I'll just think to myself "well that was fun while it lasted".

Another key point about navel suitability - it's not as tied to thinness/fatness as another posted suggested. While that can be a factor, the more important determining factor is the existence of a well-defined lip of skin overhanging the rim of the navel. Piercings through parallel tissue (like earlobes, nostrils, etc) have a good chance of succeeding. Piercings through flatter skin areas like a shallow navel or eyebrow piercing tend to migrate and ultimately reject.

[silver]

I want to know what Mr. and Mrs. Silver were doing in that shop themselves....hmmmm???? I think it's time to have a talk with those kids

la la la la la la........did you hear something?

[mtbdarby]

la la la la la la........did you hear something?

Young Lady (arms akimbo in my most motherly - stern voice), do you have something you'd like to tell me????? **tapping my foot***

[mimitabby]

Young Lady (arms akimbo in my most motherly - stern voice), do you have something you'd like to tell me????? **tapping my foot***

hmm, you're good Dar... I want to know too!

[Zen]

I don't even dare say what I'm thinking (a very rare occasion)