Help! husband dislikes riding buddy

[Tuckervill]

I appreciate your advice but I really don't see the point in both of us being miserable if we don't have to be. I was kidding about the petty crabby thing (well, not kidding, but acknowledging that I am being petty by begrudging him). He went through three long periods of forced inactivity due to injuries, two of them much longer than my pregnancy-related inactivity, and certainly nobody ever suggested to me that I should stop having any fun and just sit by his side so we could mope together. In fact, all the advice I got was in the opposite direction -- take care of yourself, spend time doing what you love in addition to spending time caring for him, etc.

My swollen ankles are not going to feel one tiny bit better if he is at home watching television when there is no earthly reason that he can't go for a bike ride instead. That seems like a recipe for making him resent the baby before she's even here.

I never said you should sit and mope together. I'm not at all for moping.

As long as you're really not crabby about it, and really ARE just joking, then okay.

Karen

[hurleygirl]

Wow. I missed the start of this but I have been in a similar situation.

Background: Husband and I are fairly equally matched on the bike. He's a better climber. I go faster on flats. We ride together often. I also go for a regular group ride without him.

Even more background: I am very independent and do lots of stuff without him. He's never once voiced any kind of concern about this. He's not a typical male in so many ways.

Here's the story: There was a regular group "Hill Ride" on Wednesdays with a bunch of "A" level riders. I am not at that level, but it was a regroup ride and they never seemed to mind waiting for me - I was always the last person to the top. They kept inviting me back. Even my husband had gone to this ride, but not recently.

Despite their encouragement, I felt guilty about making them wait for me and wanted to get faster. So I was talking to another one of the slower hill climbers, and we decided to do hills on a different day to improve our abilities. I invited my husband. He declined. (He has taken a dislike to driving to rides - and to get to hills we need to drive). A few weeks of training with my new "hill buddy" went by - my husband was invited to the ride every week but always turned it down.

One day, I got a double flat. I got home and told my husband the story of Mark (hill buddy) and I trying to change the tires - it's actually a funny story but that's for another post. Husband said "so who's this Mark guy?" I told him I know him from other group rides, we're the slower ones on the Wednesday ride, etc. Husband said "I think it's inappropriate that you're riding with him".

Okay, red flags. I explained that he has been invited to every ride and I don't think there's anything wrong with the situation. He pressed the issue. I was taken aback at first because he's never expressed any kind of concern like this before. But I finally decided to drop Mark as a hill buddy - as much as I enjoyed the rides and wished my husband was there too, I figured it was a small price to pay to keep my husband happy. I'm still confused by his reaction, because it's out of character for him.

[Crankin]

Sorry, Tuckerville for assigning the pregnancy label on you! Xeney, I agree, having your husband sit and mope with you won't help you. I had to be at home, resting for the last 6 weeks of one of my pregnancies. Let's just say that I was not a nice person. It was like one day I was at aerobics and lifting weights and working, the next day, locked in my house. So I can sympathize. This was before vcrs, so i spent my days reading and watching old movies on public TV. My friends had a rotating schedule of visiting me and then my mom came and stayed with me for a month, because I couldn't really run after my other son who was 2. I threw a plate at my husband because I was so pissed!!! Then, when I realized my 2 year old started crying because he had witnessed violence perpetuated by me, I snapped out of it and just counted the days until delivery.

[pooks]

Wait.

I'm not supposed to throw plates at him?

Who made this rule?

[Crankin]

Very funny. I have not told that story to hardly anyone. I don't think most people who know me would believe it. Hormones can make you do anything!

[mimitabby]

Robyn, you said it. Including getting pregnant!

[margo49]

Yeah there is no bottom to what you would do hormonally.
OTOH, I guess there is no top either
(think: mothers lifting cars off run-over kids)

Long live hormones!

[Mr. Bloom]

I'm still confused by his reaction, because it's out of character for him.

Hurley, I applaud your flexibility and understanding. I'd suggest that perhaps he never made the connection that it was a two person ride and person #2 was a guy...Personally, I would have been caught off guard by that and probably would have reacted the same way...

[Melalvai]

This was such a popular thread I thought I'd fill you in on how it turned out.
I spent waaay too much time this summer riding with riding buddy and less & less time doing anything with family and as anyone could predict the relationship seemed to be heading in the direction my husband feared so I ended it.

Very sad to lose a good friend but it was clear to me at this point that was the happiest alternative.

Of course it would all be for naught if I didn't do something to shore up my home life. My husband is a lot more supportive of my bicycling and much more enthusiastic about joining me for rides. We're spending a lot of time together right now, like we're newlyweds or something.

I hate to say it, but Mr. Silver & others in his camp were right. :P

[redrhodie]

I love a happy ending