Dear Indy,
Yes, I recognize that worry is such situations -- wondering what to say. I've found that there is no magic word. There is nothing you can say that truly will turn things around. Things will either turn out well or not, and your words are not the key to that. So in that sense what you say hardly matters. What matters is that you don't stay away, for instance out of fear of not knowing what to say. What matters is that you listen. And since you've already shown that you're willing to listen and that you're there for the long haul, I think you'll also know what to say as things develop. You take your cue from your friend. You show that you trust in her to be making the right decisions. You try to be just enough more optimistic than she is that you help her support her own optimism, but aren't seen as discounting her pessimism. Because she's likely to feel torn between those two feelings. You'll likely feel torn and vulnerable too, so it'll be good if you too have friends to turn to. Like TE friends, for instance. Oh, and one last bit of advice ... In my experience, it's helpful to try to end every conversation by pointing out her strengths and resources, give praise for bravery, for coming up with creative and constructive ways of dealing with waiting times until her next appointment, for calling you whenever she needs to. Give praise for supportive family, for skilled professionals, for neighbours who've been helpful. Because those kind of strengths and resources will always be there and will be a comfort no matter how things turn out healthwise. For now let's stay with the best case scenario: Say all goes well, the diagnosis is benign cysts, she's treated and sent home with a clean bill of health ... for a while she may still be worried, and those resources will help her through. What I've found is that this approach allows people the dignity that their worries are taken seriously and at the same time the security of remembering they have their own emotional and practical "safety net".