Suzie - can you ride on a flat safe place, and mess around with your posture a bit?
I can get my soft bits to hit my Brooks if I let go of my core muscles and let my belly-button collapse toward my top-tube, which rolls my pelvis like it's a bowl I'm tipping forward and pouring water onto my top-tube.
Can you try "tipping your bowl" backwards, as though you were trying to keep water from spilling forward? Or think of tucking your tail under, or of rolling your tailbone toward the seat, or whatever mental trick will get you into pelvic-neutral?
Regardless of whether you are in drops or on flats/hoods, your pelvis should be in neutral. (the angle of your back will change, but your pelvis shouldn't)
If you can do this trick somewhere safe, try it and see if it takes the pressure off your soft bits. You will probably feel like you are clenching your stomach muscles and working very hard to hold a very weird position, but try it anyway.
If it takes the pressure off your soft bits, you might want to look into some core exercises or just try riding a few minutes at a time in the new posture. I tend to think doing a beloved sport in a posture does more for a person than doing core exercises, but that's just me...
What I'm thinking might be part of the issue is called "anterior pelvic tilt." It's more a girl thing than a boy thing (though I have treated a few male patients with anterior tilt. lemme tell ya, they don't want anyone telling them to fix THEIR posture!!!)
Women who hold themselves in an anterior pelvic tilt tend also to lock their knees when they stand and to think they have big butts (which they don't) because the tilt jutts their haunches out behind them. They also often think their tummies are poochy/fat (again it's posture, not paunch!). Often their low backs are held in a pretty tight curve. (and they pronate, sprain their ankles, have knee pain, low back/hip pain, etc. )
I worked with a therapist who always started by looking at how the patient held their posture relative to the pelvis, so that's my bias too.
Take my lecture with a grain of salt!
"If Americans want to live the American Dream, they should go to Denmark." - Richard Wilkinson