Question about condolences etiquette

[Pedal Wench]

One nice thing you could do is get a tree planted in her name. I've always thought that was a nice alternative to flowers, especially if no charity is selected.

[ace]

Because this conversation strayed into cultural differences regarding funeral rituals, I thought I would point out that it is not generally a good idea to send flowers when someone Jewish dies- it is not generally done in our culture, though it's not against "the rules." My family is not particularly religious, but I have never seen any flowers at the funerals of any of my many extended family members.

We also generally don't take flowers to graves- we place stones there instead. Here's a bit of an explanation from About.com:

A. Jewish law demands immediate burial. At the most, Jews should be buried within three days of their death. Non-Jews tend to keep their dead for longer periods before burial.

Historically, to offset odor from the decaying body, non-Jews often used flowers and spices. Due to the immediacy of burial in Jewish practice, flowers and spices were not needed at Jewish funerals. Furthermore, the absence of flowers at Jewish funerals became a way to distinguish between Jewish practice and non-Jewish practice. Thus, it became customary to discourage flowers at Jewish funerals.

Despite the custom of flowerless funerals, Jewish Law in no way forbids flowers at funerals. So today there are Jews who do welcome flowers at funerals. And in Israel today, many people place flowers on graves, particularly in military cemeteries.

[mcoleman]

Most funeral homes also have websites that will have information available before the paper comes out with the obit.